| DO I like it? I think it just splendid! | |
| You see how I speak out my mind, | |
| And I think 't would be better if men did | |
| The same when they feel so inclined. | |
| But no, you 're all dumb as an oyster, | 5 |
| You critics who sit here and stare, | |
| Looking grave as a monk in his cloister— | |
| You have n't laughed once, I declare! | |
| |
| I 'm sure there 's been lots that is jolly, | |
| And more that 's exciting, you 'll own; | 10 |
| Why, I pity the poor hero's folly | |
| As if he were some one I 'd known! | |
| And was n't it grand and heroic | |
| When he shielded that friendless girl Sue? | |
| 'T would have quickened the pulse of a stoic, | 15 |
| But of course, sir, it could n't rouse you! | |
| |
| And then for the villain De Lancey— | |
| Now, does n't he act with a dash? | |
| Such art and such delicate fancy, | |
| And—did you observe his moustache? | 20 |
| He made my very blood tingle | |
| When he threw himself down on his knees— | |
| Do you know if he's married or single? | |
| Yes, the villain—there, laugh if you please! | |
| |
| I admit I know nothing of "action," | 25 |
| Of "unities," "plot," and the rest, | |
| But the play gives complete satisfaction, | |
| And that is a good enough test. | |
| Yes, I know you will pick it to pieces | |
| In your horribly savage review, | 30 |
| But, for me, its interest increases | |
| Because 't will be censured by you! | |
| |
| I should think 't would be awfully jolly | |
| For the author to make such a hit; | |
| How he pricks all the bubbles of folly | 35 |
| With his sharp little needle of wit! | |
| I am sure he is perfectly charming, | |
| Or he could never write such a play— | |
| (I declare, sir, it 's really alarming | |
| To have you sit staring that way!) | 40 |
| |
| And oh, if I only were brighter, | |
| And not such a poor little dunce, | |
| I should so like to meet with the writer, | |
| For I know I should love him at once. | |
| Yes, I should, though you think it audacious, | 45 |
| And I 'd tell him so, too, which is more, | |
| And—you are the author?—good gracious! | |
| Why did n't you say so before? | |
