HE was in Logick a great Critick, | |
Profoundly skill'd in Analytick. | |
He could distinguish, and divide | |
A Hair 'twixt South and South-West side: | |
On either which he would dispute, | 5 |
Confute, change hands, and still confute. | |
He'd undertake to prove by force | |
Of Argument, a Man's no Horse. | |
He'd prove a Buzard is no Fowl, | |
And that a Lord may be an Owl; | 10 |
A Calf an Alderman, a Goose a Justice, | |
And Rooks Committee-men and Trustees. | |
He'd run in Debt by Disputation, | |
And pay with Ratiocination. | |
All this by Syllogism, true | 15 |
In Mood and Figure, he would do. | |
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For Rhetorick, he could not ope | |
His mouth, but out there flew a Trope: | |
And when he hapned to break off | |
I'th middle of his speech, or cough, | 20 |
H'had hard words, ready to shew why, | |
And tell what Rules he did it by. | |
Else when with greatest Art he spoke, | |
You'd think he talk'd like other folk. | |
For all a Rhetoricians Rules | 25 |
Teach nothing but to name his Tools. | |
His ordinary Rate of Speech | |
In loftiness of sound was rich, | |
A Babylonish dialect, | |
Which learned Pedants much affect. | 30 |
It was a parti-colour'd dress | |
Of patch'd and pyball'd Languages: | |
'Twas English cut on Greek and Latin, | |
Like Fustian heretofore on Sattin. | |
It had an odd promiscuous Tone, | 35 |
As if h' had talk'd three parts in one. | |
Which made some think when he did gabble, | |
Th' had heard three Labourers of Babel; | |
Or Cerberus himself pronounce | |
A Leash of Languages at once. | 40 |
This he as volubly would vent, | |
As if his stock would ne'r be spent. | |
And truly to support that charge | |
He had supplies as vast and large. | |
For he could coyn or counterfeit | 45 |
New words with little or no wit: | |
Words so debas'd and hard, no stone | |
Was hard enough to touch them on. | |
And when with hasty noise he spoke 'em, | |
The Ignorant for currant took 'em, | 50 |
That had the Orator who once | |
Did fill his Mouth with Pebble stones | |
When he harangu'd, but known his Phrase, | |
He would have us'd no other ways. | |
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In Mathematicks he was greater | 55 |
Then Tycho Brahe, or Erra Pater: | |
For he by Geometrick scale | |
Could take the size of Pots of Ale; | |
Resolve by Signes and Tangents straight, | |
If Bread or Butter wanted weight; | 60 |
And wisely tell what hour o'th day | |
The Clock does strike, by Algebra. | |
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Beside he was a shrewd Philosopher; | |
And had read every Text and gloss over: | |
What e're the crabbed'st Author hath | 65 |
He understood b'implicit Faith, | |
What ever Sceptick could inquere for; | |
For every why he had a wherefore: | |
Knew more then forty of them do, | |
As far as words and terms could go. | 70 |
All which he understood by Rote, | |
And as occasion serv'd, would quote; | |
No matter whether right or wrong: | |
They might be either said or sung. | |
His Notions fitted things so well, | 75 |
That which was which he could not tell; | |
But oftentimes mistook the one | |
For th'other, as Great Clerks have done. | |
He could reduce all things to Acts | |
And knew their Natures by Abstracts, | 80 |
Where Entity and Quiddity | |
The Ghosts of defunct Bodies flie; | |
Where Truth in Person does appear, | |
Like words congeal'd in Northern Air. | |
He knew what's what, and that's as high | 85 |
As Metaphysick wit can fly. | |
In School Divinity as able | |
As he that hight Irrefragable; | |
Profound in all the Nominal | |
And real ways beyond them all, | 90 |
And with as delicate a Hand | |
Could twist as tough a Rope of Sand, | |
And weave fine Cobwebs, fit for skull | |
That's empty when the Moon is full; | |
Such as take Lodgings in a Head | 95 |
That's to be lett unfurnished. | |
He could raise Scruples dark and nice, | |
And after solve 'em in a trice: | |
As if Divinity had catch'd | |
The Itch, of purpose to be scratch'd; | 100 |
Or, like a Mountebank, did wound | |
And stab her self with doubts profound, | |
Onely to shew with how small pain | |
The sores of faith are cur'd again; | |
Although by woful proof we find, | 105 |
They always leave a Scar behind. | |
He knew the Seat of Paradise, | |
Could tell in what degree it lies: | |
And, as he was dispos'd, could prove it, | |
Below the Moon, or else above it: | 110 |
What Adam dreamt of when his Bride | |
Came from her Closet in his side: | |
Whether the Devil tempted her | |
By a High Dutch Interpreter: | |
If either of them had a Navel; | 115 |
Who first made Musick malleable: | |
Whether the Serpent at the fall | |
Had cloven Feet, or none at all, | |
All this without a Gloss or Comment, | |
He would unriddle in a moment | 120 |
In proper terms, such as men smatter | |
When they throw out and miss the matter. | |
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