The Third Satyr IS this thy daily course? The glaring Sun | |
| Breaks in at evry Chink: The Cattle run | |
| To Shades, and Noon-tide Rays of Summer shun. | |
| Yet plungd in Sloth we lye; and snore supine, | |
| As filld with Fumes of undigested Wine. | 5 |
| This grave Advice some sober Student bears; | |
| And loudly rings it in his Fellows Ears. | |
| The yawning Youth, scarce half awake, essays | |
| His lazy Limbs and dozy Head to raise: | |
| Then rubs his gummy Eyes, and scrubs his Pate; | 10 |
| And cries I thought it had not been so late: | |
| My Cloaths; make haste: why when! if none be near, | |
| He mutters first, and then begins to swear: | |
| And brays aloud, with a more clamrous note, | |
| Than an Arcadian Ass can stretch his throat. | 15 |
| With much ado, his Book before him laid, | |
| And Parchment 1 with the smoother side displayd; | |
| He takes the Papers; lays em down agen; | |
| And, with unwilling Fingers, tries the Pen: | |
| Some peevish quarrel straight he strives to pick, | 20 |
| His Quill writes double, or his Inks too thick; | |
| Infuse more water; now tis grown so thin | |
| It sinks, nor can the Character be seen. | |
| O Wretch, and still more wretched evry day! | |
| Are Mortals born to sleep their lives away? | 25 |
| Go back to what thy Infancy began, | |
| Thou who wert never meant to be a Man: | |
| Eat Pap and Spoon-meat; for thy Guwgaws cry: | |
| Be sullen, and refuse the Lullaby. | |
| No more accuse thy Pen: but charge the Crime | 30 |
| On Native Sloth, and negligence of time. | |
| Thinkst thou thy Master, or thy Friends, to cheat? | |
| Fool, tis thy self, and thats a worse deceit. | |
| Beware the publick Laughter of the Town; | |
| Thou springst a Leak already in thy Crown. | 35 |
| A flaw is in thy ill-bakd Vessel found; | |
| Tis hollow, and returns a jarring sound. | |
| Yet, thy moist Clay is pliant to Command; | |
| Unwrought, and easie to the Potters hand: | |
| Now take the Mold; now bend thy Mind to feel | 40 |
| The first sharp Motions of the Forming Wheel. | |
| But thou hast Land; a Country Seat, secure | |
| By a just Title; costly Furniture; | |
| A Fuming-Pan 2 thy Lares to appease: | |
| What need of Learning when a Mans at ease? | 45 |
| If this be not enough to swell thy Soul, | |
| Then please thy Pride, and search the Heralds Roll, | |
| Where thou shalt find thy famous Pedigree | |
| Drawn from the Root 3 of some old Thus-can Tree; | |
| And thou, a Thousand off, a Fool of long Degree; | 50 |
| Who, clad in Purple, 4 canst thy Censor greet; | |
| And, loudly, call him Cousin, in the Street. | |
| Such Pageantry be to the People shown; | |
| There boast thy Horses Trappings, and thy own: | |
| I know thee to thy Bottom; from within | 55 |
| Thy shallow Centre, to thy outmost Skin: | |
| Dost thou not blush to live so like a Beast, | |
| So trim, so dissolute, so loosely drest? | |
| But tis in vain: The Wretch is drenchd too deep; | |
| His Soul is stupid, and his Heart asleep; | 60 |
| Fattend in Vice; so callous, and so gross, | |
| He sins, and sees not; senseless of his Loss. | |
| Down goes the Wretch at once, unskilld to swim, | |
| Hopeless to bubble up, and reach the Waters Brim. | |
| Great Father of the Gods, when, for our Crimes, | 65 |
| Thou sendst some heavy Judgment on the Times; | |
| Some Tyrant-King, the Terrour of his Age, | |
| The Type, and true Vicegerent of thy Rage; | |
| Thus punish him: Set Virtue in his Sight, | |
| With all her Charms adornd; with all her Graces bright: | 70 |
| But set her distant, make him pale to see | |
| His Gains out-weighd by lost Felicity! | |
| Sicilian Tortures 5 and the Brazen Bull, | |
| Are Emblems, rather than express the Full | |
| Of what he feels: Yet what he fears, is more: | 75 |
| The Wretch, who sitting 6 at his plenteous Board, | |
| Lookd up, and viewd on high the pointed Sword | |
| Hang oer his Head, and hanging by a Twine, | |
| Did with less Dread, and more securely Dine. | |
| Evn in his Sleep he starts, and fears the Knife, | 80 |
| And, trembling, in his Arms, takes his Accomplice Wife: | |
| Down, down he goes; and from his Darling-Friend | |
| Conceals the Woes his guilty Dreams portend. | |
| When I was young, I, like a lazy Fool, | |
| Woud blear my Eyes with Oyl to stay from School: | 85 |
| Averse from Pains, and loath to learn the Part | |
| Of Cato, dying with a dauntless Heart: | |
| Though much my Master that stern Virtue praisd, | |
| Which, oer the Vanquisher, the Vanquishd raisd; | |
| And my pleasd Father came, with Pride, to see | 90 |
| His Boy defend the Roman Liberty. | |
| But then my Study was to Cog the Dice, | |
| And dextrously to throw the lucky Sice: | |
| To shun Ames-Ace, that swept my Stakes away; | |
| And watch the Box, for fear they shoud convey | 95 |
| False Bones, and put upon me in the Play. | |
| Careful, besides, the Whirling Top to whip, | |
| And drive her giddy, till she fell asleep. | |
| Thy Years are ripe, nor art thou yet to learn | |
| Whats Good or Ill, and both their Ends discern: | 100 |
| Thou, in the Stoick Porch, 7 severely bred, | |
| Hast heard the Dogmas of great Zeno read: | |
| Where 8 on the Walls, by Polignotus 9 Hand, | |
| The Conquerd Medians in Trunk-Breeches stand: | |
| Where the Shorn Youth to Midnight-Lectures rise, | 105 |
| Rousd from their Slumbers, to be early wise: | |
| Where the coarse Cake, and homely Husks of Beans, | |
| From pampring Riot the young Stomach weans: | |
| And where the Samian Y 10 directs thy Steps to run | |
| To Virtues Narrow Steep, and Broad-way Vice to shun. | 110 |
| And yet thou snorst; thou drawst thy Drunken Breath, | |
| Sour with Debauch; and sleepst the Sleep of Death. | |
| Thy Chaps are fallen, and thy Frame disjoynd: | |
| Thy Body as dissolvd as is thy Mind. | |
| Hast thou not, yet, proposd some certain End, | 115 |
| To which thy Life, thy evry Act may tend? | |
| Hast thou no Mark, at which to bend thy Bow? | |
| Or like a Boy pursust the Carrion Crow | |
| With Pellets, and with Stones from Tree to Tree: | |
| A fruitless Toil, and livest Extempore? | 120 |
| Watch the Disease in time: For, when within | |
| The Dropsy rages, and extends the Skin, | |
| In vain for Hellebore the patient Cries, | |
| And Fees the Doctor; but too late is wise: | |
| Too late, for Cure, he proffers half his Wealth: | 125 |
| Conquest and Guibbons cannot give him Health. | |
| Learn Wretches; learn the Motions of the Mind, | |
| Why you were made, for what you were designd; | |
| And the great Moral End of Humane Kind. | |
| Study thy self, What Rank, or what degree | 130 |
| The wise Creator has ordaind for thee: | |
| And all the Offices of that Estate | |
| Perform; and with thy Prudence guide thy Fate. | |
| Pray justly, to be heard: Nor more desire | |
| Than what the Decencies of Life require. | 135 |
| Learn what thou owst thy Country, and thy Friend; | |
| Whats requisite to spare, and what to spend: | |
| Learn this; and after, envy not the store | |
| Of the Greazd Advocate, that Grinds the Poor: | |
| Fat Fees 11 from the defended Umbrian draws; | 140 |
| And only gains the wealthy Clients Cause; | |
| To whom the Marsians 12 more Provision send, | |
| Than he and all his Family can spend. | |
| Gammons, that give a relish to the taste, | |
| And potted Fowl, and Fish come in so fast, | 145 |
| That, ere the first is out, the second stinks: | |
| And mouldy Mother gathers on the brinks. | |
| But, here, some Captain of the Land, or Fleet, | |
| Stout of his hands, but of a Souldiers Wit; | |
| Cries, I have sense to serve my turn, in store; | 150 |
| And hes a Rascal who pretends to more. | |
| Dammee, what-ere those Book-learnd Blockheads say, | |
| Solons the veriest Fool in all the Play. | |
| Top-heavy Drones, and always looking down | |
| (As over-Ballasted within the Crown!) | 155 |
| Muttring, betwixt their Lips, some Mystick thing, | |
| Which, well examind, is flat Conjuring, | |
| Mere Madmens Dreams: For, what the Schools have taught | |
| Is only this, that nothing can be brought | |
| From nothing; and what is, can nere be turnd to nought. | 160 |
| Is it for this they study? to grow pale, | |
| And miss the Pleasures of a Glorious Meal? | |
| For this, in Rags accouterd, they are seen, | |
| And made the May-game of the publick spleen? | |
| Proceed, my Friend, and rail: But hear me tell | 165 |
| A story, which is just thy Parallel. | |
| A Spark, like thee, of the Man-killing Trade, | |
| Fell sick; and thus to his Physician said: | |
| Methinks I am not right in evry part; | |
| I feel a kind of trembling at my Heart: | 170 |
| My Pulse unequal, and my Breath is strong: | |
| Besides, a filthy Fur upon my Tongue. | |
| The Doctor heard him, exercisd his skill: | |
| And, after, bad him for four Days be still. | |
| Three Days he took good Counsel, and began | 175 |
| To mend, and look like a recovring Man: | |
| The fourth he coud not hold from Drink; but sends | |
| His Boy to one of his old trusty Friends: | |
| Adjuring him, by all the Powrs Divine, | |
| To pity his Distress, who coud not Dine | 180 |
| Without a Flaggon of his healing Wine. | |
| He drinks a swilling Draught: And, lind within, | |
| Will supple, in the Bath, his outward skin: | |
| Whom shoud he find, but his Physician there, | |
| Who, wisely, bad him once again beware. | 185 |
| Sir, you look Wan, you hardly draw your Breath; | |
| Drinking is Dangerous, and the Bath is Death: | |
| Tis Nothing, says the Fool: But, 13 says the friend, | |
| This Nothing, Sir, will bring you to your end. | |
| Do I not see your Dropsy-Belly swell? | 190 |
| Your yellow Skin?No more of that; Im well. | |
| I have already Buried two or three | |
| That stood betwixt a fair Estate and me, | |
| And, Doctor, I may live to Bury thee. | |
| Thou tellst me, I look ill; and thou lookst worse. | 195 |
| Ive done, says the Physician; take your Course. | |
| The laughing Sot, like all unthinking Men, | |
| Baths and gets Drunk; then Baths and Drinks again: | |
| His Throat half throtled with Corrupted Fleam, | |
| And breathing through his Jaws a belching steam: | 200 |
| Amidst his Cups with fainting shivring seizd, | |
| His Limbs dis-jointed, and all ore diseasd, | |
| His hand refuses to sustain the bowl: | |
| And his Teeth chatter, and his Eye-balls rowl: | |
| Till, with his Meat, he vomits out his Soul: | 205 |
| Then, Trumpets, Torches, and a tedious Crew | |
| Of Hireling Mourners, for his Funeral due. | |
| Our Dear departed Brother lies in State, | |
| His Heels stretchd out, 14 and pointing to the Gate: | |
| And Slaves, now manumisd, on their dead Master wait. | 210 |
| They hoyst him on the Bier, and deal the Dole; | |
| And theres an end of a Luxurious Fool. | |
| But, whats thy fulsom Parable to me? | |
| My Body is from all Diseases free: | |
| My temperate Pulse does regularly beat; | 215 |
| Feel, and be satisfid, my Hands and Feet: | |
| These are not cold, nor those Opprest with heat. | |
| Or lay thy hand upon my Naked Heart, | |
| And thou shalt find me Hale in evry part. | |
| I grant this true: But, still, the deadly wound | 220 |
| Is in thy Soul; Tis there thou art not sound. | |
| Say, when thou seest a heap of tempting Gold, | |
| Or a more tempting Harlot dost behold; | |
| Then, when she casts on thee a side-long glance, | |
| Then try thy Heart; and tell me if it Dance. | 225 |
| Some Course cold Salade is before thee set; | |
| Bread, with the Bran perhaps, and broken Meat; | |
| Fall on, and try thy Appetite to eat. | |
| These are not Dishes for thy dainty Tooth: | |
| What, hast thou got an Ulcer in thy Mouth? | 230 |
| Why standst thou picking? Is thy Pallat sore? | |
| That Bete, and Radishes will make thee roar? | |
| Such is th unequal Temper of thy Mind; | |
| Thy Passions in extreams, and unconfind: | |
| Thy Hair so bristles with unmanly Fears, | 235 |
| As Fields of Corn, that rise in bearded Ears. | |
| And, when thy Cheeks with flushing Fury glow, | |
| The rage of boyling Caldrons is more slow; | |
| When fed with fuel and with flames below. | |
| With foam upon thy Lips, and sparkling Eyes, | 240 |
| Thou sayst and dost in such outrageous wise: | |
| That mad Orestes, 15 if he saw the show, | |
Woud swear thou wert the Madder of the Two.
The End of the Third Satyr. | |