II YET that ride had an end, as all rides have; | |
| And the days coming after took the road | |
| That all days take,though never one of them | |
| Went by but I got some good thought of it | 385 |
| For Captain Craig. Not that I pitied him, | |
| Or nursed a mordant hunger for his presence; | |
| But what I thought (what Killigrew still thinks) | |
| An irremediable cheerfulness | |
| Was in him and about the name of him, | 390 |
| And I fancy that it may be most of all | |
| For cheer in them that I have saved his letters. | |
| I like to think of him, and how he looked | |
| Or should have lookedin his renewed estate, | |
| Composing them. They may be dreariness | 395 |
| Unspeakable to you that never saw | |
| The Captain; but to five or six of us | |
| Who knew him they are not so bad as that. | |
| It may be we have smiled not always where | |
| The text itself would seem to indicate | 400 |
| Responsive titillation on our part, | |
| Yet having smiled at all we have done well, | |
| Knowing that we have touched the ghost of him. | |
| He tells me that he thinks of nothing now | |
| That he would rather do than be himself, | 405 |
| Wisely alive. So let us heed this man: | |
| |
| The world that has been old is young again, | |
| The touch that faltered clings; and this is May. | |
| So think of your decrepit pensioner | |
| As one who cherishes the living light, | 410 |
| Forgetful of dead shadows. He may gloat, | |
| And he may not have power in his arms | |
| To make the young world move; but he has eyes | |
| And ears, and he can read the sun. Therefore | |
| Think first of him as one who vegetates | 415 |
| In tune with all the children who laugh best | |
| And longest through the sunshine, though far off | |
| Their laughter, and unheard; for t is the child, | |
| O friend, that with his laugh redeems the man. | |
| Time steals the infant, but the child he leaves; | 420 |
| And we, we fighters over of old wars | |
| We men, we shearers of the Golden Fleece | |
| Were brutes without him,brutes to tear the scars | |
| Of one anothers wounds and weep in them, | |
| And then cry out on God that he should flaunt | 425 |
| For life such anguish and flesh-wretchedness. | |
| But let the brute go roaring his own way: | |
| We do not need him, and he loves us not. | |
| |
| I cannot think of anything to-day | |
| That I would rather do than be myself, | 430 |
| Primevally alive, and have the sun | |
| Shine into me; for on a day like this, | |
| When chaff-parts of a mans adversities | |
| Are blown by quick spring breezes out of him | |
| When even a flicker of wind that wakes no more | 435 |
| Than a tuft of grass, or a few young yellow leaves, | |
| Comes like the falling of a prophets breath | |
| On altar-flames rekindled of crushed embers, | |
| Then do I feel, now do I feel, within me | |
| No dreariness, no grief, no discontent, | 440 |
| No twinge of human envy. But I beg | |
| That you forego credentials of the past | |
| For these illuminations of the present, | |
| Or better still, to give the shadow justice, | |
| You let me tell you something: I have yearned | 445 |
| In many another season for these days, | |
| And having them with Gods own pageantry | |
| To make me glad for them,yes, I have cursed | |
| The sunlight and the breezes and the leaves | |
| To think of men on stretchers or on beds, | 450 |
| Or on foul floors, things without shapes or names, | |
| Made human with paralysis and rags; | |
| Or some poor devil on a battle-field, | |
| Left undiscovered and without the strength | |
| To drag a maggot from his clotted mouth; | 455 |
| Or women working where a man would fall | |
| Flat-breasted miracles of cheerfulness | |
| Made neuter by the work that no man counts | |
| Until it waits undone; children thrown out | |
| To feed their veins and souls on offal
Yes, | 460 |
| I have had half a mind to blow my brains out | |
| Sometimes; and I have gone from door to door, | |
| Ragged myself, trying to do something | |
| Crazy, I hope.But what has this to do | |
| With Spring? Because one half of humankind | 465 |
| Lives here in hell, shall not the other half | |
| Do any more than just for conscience sake | |
| Be miserable? Is this the way for us | |
| To lead these creatures up to find the light, | |
| Or to be drawn down surely to the dark | 470 |
| Again? Which is it? What does the child say? | |
| |
| But let us not make riot for the child | |
| Untaught, nor let us hold that we may read | |
| The sun but through the shadows; nor, again, | |
| Be we forgetful ever that we keep | 475 |
| The shadows on their side. For evidence, | |
| I might go back a little to the days | |
| When I had hounds and credit, and grave friends | |
| To borrow my books and set wet glasses on them, | |
| And other friends of all sorts, grave and gay, | 480 |
| Of whom one woman and one man stand out | |
| From all the rest, this morning. The man said | |
| One day, as we were riding, Now, you see, | |
| There goes a woman cursed with happiness: | |
| Beauty and wealth, health, horses,everything | 485 |
| That she could ask, or we could ask, is hers, | |
| Except an inward eye for the dim fact | |
| Of what this dark world is. The cleverness | |
| God gave heror the devilcautions her | |
| That she must keep the china cup of life | 490 |
| Filled somehow, and she fills itruns it over | |
| Claps her white hands while some one does the sopping | |
| With fingers made, she thinks, for just that purpose, | |
| Giggles and eats and reads and goes to church, | |
| Makes pretty little penitential prayers, | 495 |
| And has an eighteen-carat crucifix | |
| Wrapped up in chamois-skin. She gives enough, | |
| You say; but what is giving like hers worth? | |
| What is a gift without the soul to guide it? | |
| Poor dears, and they have cancers?Oh! she says; | 500 |
| And away she works at that new altar-cloth | |
| For the Reverend Hieronymus Mackintosh | |
| Third person, Jerry. Jerry, she says, can say | |
| Such lovely things, and make life seem so sweet! | |
| Jerry can drink, also.And there she goes, | 505 |
| Like a whirlwind through an orchard in the springtime | |
| Throwing herself away as if she thought | |
| The world and the whole planetary circus | |
| Were a flourish of apple-blossoms. Look at her! | |
| And here is this infernal world of ours | 510 |
| And hers, if only she might find it out | |
| Starving and shrieking, sickening, suppurating, | |
| Whirling to God knows where
But look at her! | |
| |
| And after that it came about somehow, | |
| Almost as if the Fates were killing time, | 515 |
| That she, the spendthrift of a thousand joys, | |
| Rode in her turn with me, and in her turn | |
| Made observations: Now there goes a man, | |
| She said, who feeds his very soul on poison: | |
| No matter what he does, or where he looks, | 520 |
| He finds unhappiness; or, if he fails | |
| To find it, he creates it, and then hugs it: | |
| Pygmalion again for all the world | |
| Pygmalion gone wrong. You know I think | |
| If when that precious animal was young, | 525 |
| His mother, or some watchful aunt of his, | |
| Had spanked him with Pendennis and Don Juan, | |
| And given him the Lady of the Lake, | |
| Or Cord and Creese, or almost anything, | |
| There might have been a tonic for him? Listen: | 530 |
| When he was possibly nineteen years old | |
| He came to me and said, I understand | |
| You are in loveyes, that is what he said, | |
| But never mind, it wont last very long; | |
| It never does; we all get over it. | 535 |
| We have this clinging nature, for you see | |
| The Great Bear shook himself once on a time | |
| And the world is one of many that let go. | |
| And yet the creature lives, and there you see him. | |
| And he would have this life no fairer thing | 540 |
| Than a certain time for numerous marionettes | |
| To do the Dance of Death. Give him a rose, | |
| And he will tell you it is very sweet, | |
| But only for a day. Most wonderful! | |
| Show him a child, or anything that laughs, | 545 |
| And he begins at once to crunch his wormwood | |
| And then runs on with his realities. | |
| What does he know about realities, | |
| Who sees the truth of things almost as well | |
| As Nero saw the Northern Lights? Good gracious! | 550 |
| Cant you do something with him? Call him something | |
| Call him a type, and that will make him cry: | |
| One of those not at all unusual, | |
| Prophetic, would-be-Delphic manger-snappers | |
| That always get replaced when they are gone; | 555 |
| Or one of those impenetrable men, | |
| Who seem to carry branded on their foreheads, | |
| We are abstruse, but not quite so abstruse | |
| As possibly the good Lord may have wished; | |
| One of those men who never quite confess | 560 |
| That Washington was great;the kind of man | |
| That everybody knows and always will, | |
| Shrewd, critical, facetious, insincere, | |
| And for the most part harmless, Im afraid. | |
| But even then, you might be doing well | 565 |
| To tell him something.And I said I would. | |
| So in one afternoon you see we have | |
| The child in absenceor, to say the least, | |
| In ominous defect,and in excess | |
| Commensurate, likewise. Now the question is, | 570 |
| Not which was right and which was wrong, for each, | |
| By virtue of one-sidedness, was both; | |
| But ratherto my mind, as heretofore | |
| Is it better to be blinded by the lights, | |
| Or by the shadows? By the lights, you say? | 575 |
| The shadows are all devils, and the lights | |
| Gleam guiding and eternal? Very good; | |
| But while you say so do not quite forget | |
| That sunshine has a devil of its own, | |
| And one that we, for the great craft of him, | 580 |
| But vaguely recognize. The marvel is | |
| That this persuasive and especial devil, | |
| By grace of his extreme transparency, | |
| Precludes all common vision of him; yet | |
| There is one way to glimpse him and a way, | 585 |
| As I believe, to test him,granted once | |
| That we have ousted prejudice, which means | |
| That we have made magnanimous advance | |
| Through self-acquaintance. Not an easy thing | |
| For some of us; impossible, may be, | 590 |
| For most of us: the woman and the man | |
| I cited, for example, would have wrought | |
| The most intractable conglomerate | |
| Of everything, if they had set themselves | |
| To analyze themselves and not each other; | 595 |
| If only for the sake of self-respect, | |
| They would have come to no place but the same | |
| Wherefrom they started; one would have lived awhile | |
| In paradise without defending it, | |
| And one in hell without enjoying it; | 600 |
| And each had been dissuaded neither more | |
| Nor less thereafter. There are such on earth | |
| As might have been composed primarily | |
| For mortal warning: he was one of them, | |
| And shethe devil makes us hesitate. | 605 |
| T is easy to read words writ well with ink | |
| That makes a good black mark on smooth white paper; | |
| But words are done sometimes with other ink | |
| Whereof the smooth white paper gives no sign | |
| Till science brings it out; and here we come | 610 |
| To knowledge, and the way to test a devil. | |
| |
| To most of us, you say, and you say well, | |
| This demon of the sunlight is a stranger; | |
| But if you break the sunlight of yourself, | |
| Project it, and observe the quaint shades of it, | 615 |
| I have a shrewd suspicion you may find | |
| That even as a name lives unrevealed | |
| In ink that waits an agent, so it is | |
| The devilor this devilhides himself | |
| To all the diagnoses we have made | 620 |
| Save one. The quest of him is hard enough | |
| As hard as truth; but once we seem to know | |
| That his compound obsequiousness prevails | |
| Unferreted within us, we may find | |
| That sympathy, which aureoles itself | 625 |
| To superfluity from you and me, | |
| May stand against the soul for five or six | |
| Persistent and indubitable streaks | |
| Of irritating brilliance, out of which | |
| A man may read, if he have knowledge in him, | 630 |
| Proportionate attest of ignorance, | |
| Hypocrisy, good-heartedness, conceit, | |
| Indifference,by which a man may learn | |
| That even courage may not make him glad | |
| For laughter when that laughter is itself | 635 |
| The tribute of recriminating groans. | |
| Nor are the shapes of obsolescent creeds | |
| Much longer to flit near enough to make | |
| Men glad for living in a world like this; | |
| For wisdom, courage, knowledge, and the faith | 640 |
| Which has the soul and is the soul of reason | |
| These are the worlds achievers. And the child | |
| The child that is the saviour of all ages, | |
| The prophet and the poet, the crown-bearer, | |
| Must yet with Loves unhonored fortitude, | 645 |
| Survive to cherish and attain for us | |
| The candor and the generosity, | |
| By leave of which we smile if we bring back | |
| The first revealing flash that wakened us | |
| When wisdom like a shaft of dungeon-light | 650 |
| Came searching down to find us. | |
| |
| Halfway back | |
| I made a mild allusion to the Fates, | |
| Not knowing then that ever I should have | |
| Dream-visions of them, painted on the air, | 655 |
| Clotho, Lachesis, Atropos. Faint-hued | |
| They seem, but with a faintness never fading, | |
| Unblurred by gloom, unshattered by the sun, | |
| Still with eternal color, colorless, | |
| They move and they remain. The while I write | 660 |
| These very words I see them,Atropos, | |
| Lachesis, Clotho; and the last is laughing. | |
| When Clotho laughs, Atropos rattles her shears; | |
| But Clotho keeps on laughing just the same. | |
| Some time when I have dreamed that Atropos | 665 |
| Has laughed, Ill tell you how the colors change | |
| The colors that are changeless, colorless. | |
| I fear I may have answered Captain Craigs | |
| Epistle Number One with what he chose, | |
| Good-humoredly but anxiously, to take | 670 |
| For something that was not all reverence; | |
| From Number Two it would have seemed almost | |
| As if the flanges of the old mans faith | |
| Had slipped the treacherous rails of my allegiance, | |
| Leaving him by the roadside, humorously | 675 |
| Upset, with nothing more convivial | |
| To do than be facetious and austere: | |
| |
| If you decry Don César de Bazan, | |
| There is an imperfection in your vitals. | |
| Flamboyant and old-fashioned? Overdone? | 680 |
| Romantico-robustious?Dear young man, | |
| There are fifteen thousand ways to be one-sided, | |
| And I have indicated two of them | |
| Already. Now you bait me with a third | |
| As if it were a spider with nine legs; | 685 |
| But what it is that you would have me do, | |
| What fatherly wrath you most anticipate, | |
| I lack the needed impulse to discern; | |
| Though I who shape no songs of any sort, | |
| I who have made no music, thrilled no canvas, | 690 |
| I who have added nothing to the world | |
| The world would reckon save long-squandered wit | |
| Might with half-pardonable reverence | |
| Beguile my faith, maybe, to the forlorn | |
| Extent of some sequestered murmuring | 695 |
| Anent the vanities. No doubt I should, | |
| If mine were the one life that I have lived; | |
| But with a few good glimpses I have had | |
| Of heaven through the little holes in hell, | |
| I can half understand what price it is | 700 |
| The poet pays, at one time and another, | |
| For those indemnifying interludes | |
| That are to be the kernel in what lives | |
| To shrine him when the new-born men come singing. | |
| |
| So do I comprehend what I have read | 705 |
| From even the squeezed items of account | |
| Which I have to my credit in that book | |
| Whereof the leaves are ages and the text | |
| Eternity. What do I care to-day | |
| For pages that have nothing? I have lived, | 710 |
| And I have died, and I have lived again; | |
| And I am very comfortable. Yes, | |
| Though I look back through barren years enough | |
| To make me seemas I transmute myself | |
| In downward retrospect from what I am | 715 |
| As unproductive and as unconvinced | |
| Of living bread and the souls eternal draught | |
| As a frog on a Passover-cake in a streamless desert, | |
| Still do I trust the light that I have earned, | |
| And having earned, received. You shake your head, | 720 |
| But do not say that you will shake it off. | |
| |
| Meanwhile I have the flowers and the grass, | |
| My brothers here the trees, and all July | |
| To make me joyous. Why do you shake your head? | |
| Why do you laugh?because you are so young? | 725 |
| Do you think if you laugh hard enough the truth | |
| Will go to sleep? Do you think of any couch | |
| Made soft enough to put the truth to sleep? | |
| Do you think there are no proper comedies | |
| But yours that have the fashion? For example, | 730 |
| Do you think that I forget, or shall forget, | |
| One friendless, fat, fantastic nondescript | |
| Who knew the ways of laughter on low roads, | |
| A vagabond, a drunkard, and a sponge, | |
| But always a free creature with a soul? | 735 |
| I bring him back, though not without misgivings, | |
| And caution you to damn him sparingly. | |
| |
| Count Pretzel von Würzburger, the Obscene | |
| (The beggar may have had another name, | |
| But no man to my knowledge ever knew it) | 740 |
| Was a poet and a skeptic and a critic, | |
| And in his own mad manner a musician: | |
| He found an old piano in a bar-room, | |
| And it was his careerthree nights a week, | |
| From ten oclock till twelveto make it rattle; | 745 |
| And then, when I was just far down enough | |
| To sit and watch him with his long straight hair, | |
| And pity him, and think he looked like Liszt, | |
| I might have glorified a musical | |
| Steam-engine, or a xylophone. The Count | 750 |
| Played half of everything and improvised | |
| The rest: he told me once that he was born | |
| With a genius in him that prohibited | |
| Complete fidelity, and that his art | |
| Confessed vagaries, therefore. But I made | 755 |
| Kind reckoning of his vagaries then: | |
| I had the whole great pathos of the man | |
| To purify me, and all sorts of music | |
| To give me spiritual nourishment | |
| And cerebral athletics; for the Count | 760 |
| Played indiscriminatelywith an f, | |
| And with incurable prestocradle-songs | |
| And carnivals, spring-songs and funeral marches, | |
| The Marseillaise and Schuberts Serenade | |
| And always in a way to make me think | 765 |
| Procrustes had the germ of music in him. | |
| And when this interesting reprobate | |
| Began to talkthen there were more vagaries: | |
| He made a reeking fetich of all filth, | |
| Apparently; but there was yet revealed | 770 |
| About him, through his words and on his flesh, | |
| That ostracizing nimbus of a souls | |
| Abject, apologetic purity | |
| That phosphorescence of sincerity | |
| Which indicates the curse and the salvation | 775 |
| Of a life wherein starved art may never perish. | |
| |
| One evening I remember clearliest | |
| Of all that I passed with him. Having wrought, | |
| With his nerve-ploughing ingenuity, | |
| The Träumerei into a Titans nightmare, | 780 |
| The man sat down across the table from me | |
| And all at once was ominously decent. | |
| The more we measure what is ours to use, | |
| He said then, wiping his froth-plastered mouth | |
| With the inside of his hand, the less we groan | 785 |
| For what the gods refuse. Ive had that sleeved | |
| A decade for you. Now but one more stein, | |
| And I shall be prevailed upon to read | |
| The only sonnet I have ever made; | |
| And after that, if you propitiate | 790 |
| Gambrinus, I shall play you that Andante | |
| As the world has never heard it played before. | |
| So saying, he produced a piece of paper, | |
| Unfolded it, and read, SONNET UNIQUE | |
| DE PRETZEL VON WURZBURGER, DIT LOBSCÉNE: | 795 |
| |
| Carmichael had a kind of joke-disease, | |
| And he had queer things fastened on his wall. | |
| There are three green china frogs that I recall | |
| More potently than anything, for these | |
| Three frogs have demonstrated, by degrees, | 800 |
| What curse was on the man to make him fall: | |
| They are not ordinary frogs at all, | |
| They are the Frogs of Aristophanes. | |
| |
| God! how he laughed whenever he said that; | |
| And how we caught from one anothers eyes | 805 |
| The flash of what a tongue could never tell! | |
| We always laughed at him, no matter what | |
| The joke was worth. But when a mans brain dies, | |
| We are not always glad
Poor Carmichael! | |
| |
| I am a sowbug and a necrophile, | 810 |
| Said Pretzel, and the gods are growing old; | |
| The stars are singing Golden hair to gray, | |
| Green leaf to yellow leaf,or chlorophyl | |
| To xanthophyl, to be more scientific, | |
| So speed me one more stein. You may believe | 815 |
| That Im a mendicant, but I am not: | |
| For though it look to you that I go begging, | |
| The truth is I go givinggiving all | |
| My strength and all my personality, | |
| My wisdom and experienceall myself, | 820 |
| To make it finalfor your preservation; | |
| Though I be not the one thing or the other, | |
| Though I strike between the sunset and the dawn, | |
| Though I be cliff-rubbed wreckage on the shoals | |
| Of Circumstance,doubt not that I comprise, | 825 |
| Far more than my appearance. Here he comes; | |
| Now drink to good old Pretzel! Drink down Pretzel! | |
| Quousque tandem, Pretzel, and O Lord, | |
| How long! But let regret go hang: the good | |
| Die first, and of the poor did many cease | 830 |
| To be. Beethoven after Wordsworth. Prosit! | |
| There were geniuses among the trilobites, | |
| And I suspect that I was one of them. | |
| How much of him was earnest and how much | |
| Fantastic, I know not; nor do I need | 835 |
| Profounder knowledge to exonerate | |
| The squalor or the folly of a man | |
| Than consciousnessthough even the crude laugh | |
| Of indigent Priapus follow it | |
| That I get good of him. And if you like him, | 840 |
| Then some time in the future, past a doubt, | |
| Youll have him in a book, make metres of him, | |
| To the great delight of Mr. Killigrew, | |
| And the grief of all your kinsmen. Christian shame | |
| And self-confuted Orientalism | 845 |
| For the more sagacious of them; vulture-tracks | |
| Of my Promethean bile for the rest of them; | |
| And that will be a joke. Theres nothing quite | |
| So funny as a joke thats lost on earth | |
| And laughed at by the gods. Your devil knows it. | 850 |
| |
| I come to like your Mr. Killigrew, | |
| And I rejoice that you speak well of him. | |
| The sprouts of human blossoming are in him, | |
| And useful eyesif he will open them; | |
| But one thing ails the man. He smiles too much. | 855 |
| He comes to see me once or twice a week, | |
| And I must tell him that he smiles too much. | |
| If I were Socrates, it would be simple. | |
| |
| Epistle Number Three was longer coming. | |
| I waited for it, even worried for it | 860 |
| Though Killigrew, and of his own free will, | |
| Had written reassuring little scraps | |
| From time to time, and I had valued them | |
| The more for being his. The Sage, he said, | |
| From all that I can see, is doing well | 865 |
| I should say very well. Three meals a day, | |
| Siestas, and innumerable pipes | |
| Not to the tune of water on the stones, | |
| But rather to the tune of his own Ego, | |
| Which seems to be about the same as God. | 870 |
| But I was always weak in metaphysics, | |
| And pray therefore that you be lenient. | |
| Im going to be married in December, | |
| And I have made a poem that will scan | |
| So Plunket says. You said the other wouldnt: | 875 |
| |
| Augustus Plunket, Ph.D., | |
| And oh, the Bishops daughter; | |
| A very learned man was he | |
| And in twelve weeks he got her; | |
| |
| And oh, she was as fair to see | 880 |
| As pippins on the pippin tree
| |
| Tu, tui, tibi, te,chubs in the mill water. | |
| |
| Connotative, succinct, and erudite; | |
| Three dots to boot. Now goodman Killigrew | |
| May wind an epic one of these glad years, | 885 |
| And after that who knoweth but the Lord | |
| The Lord of Hosts who is the King of Glory? | |
| |
| Still, when the Captains own words were before me, | |
| I seemed to read from them, or into them, | |
| The protest of a mortuary joy | 890 |
| Not all substantiating Killigrews | |
| Off-hand assurance. The mans face came back | |
| The while I read them, and that look again, | |
| Which I had seen so often, came back with it. | |
| I do not know that I can say just why, | 895 |
| But I felt the feathery touch of something wrong: | |
| |
| Since last I wroteand I fear weeks have gone | |
| Too far for me to leave my gratitude | |
| Unuttered for its own acknowledgment | |
| I have won, without the magic of Amphion | 900 |
| Without the songs of Orpheus or Apollo, | |
| The frank regardand with it, if you like, | |
| The fledged respectof three quick-footed friends. | |
| (Nothing is there more marvelous than man, | |
| Said Sophocles; and I say after him: | 905 |
| He traps and captures, all-inventive one, | |
| The light birds and the creatures of the wold, | |
| And in his nets the fishes of the sea.) | |
| Once they were pictures, painted on the air, | |
| Faint with eternal color, colorless, | 910 |
| But now they are not pictures, they are fowls. | |
| |
| At first they stood aloof and cocked their small, | |
| Smooth, prudent heads at me and made as if, | |
| With a cryptic idiotic melancholy, | |
| To look authoritative and sagacious; | 915 |
| But when I tossed a piece of apple to them, | |
| They scattered back with a discord of short squawks | |
| And then came forward with a craftiness | |
| That made me think of Eden. Atropos | |
| Came first, and having grabbed the morsel up, | 920 |
| Ran flapping far away and out of sight, | |
| With Clotho and Lachesis hard after her; | |
| But finally the three fared all alike, | |
| And next day I persuaded them with corn. | |
| In a week they came and had it from my fingers | 925 |
| And looked up at me while I pinched their bills | |
| And made them sneeze. Count Pretzels Carmichael | |
| Had said they were not ordinary birds | |
| At all,and they are not: they are the Fates, | |
| Foredoomed of their own insufficiency | 930 |
| To be assimilated.Do not think, | |
| Because in my contented isolation | |
| It suits me at this time to be jocose, | |
| That I am nailing reason to the cross, | |
| Or that I set the bauble and the bells | 935 |
| Above the crucible; for I do nought, | |
| Say nought, but with an ancient levity | |
| That is the forbear of all earnestness. | |
| |
| The cross, I said.I had a dream last night: | |
| A dream not like to any other dream | 940 |
| That I remember. I was all alone, | |
| Sitting as I do now beneath a tree, | |
| But looking not, as I am looking now, | |
| Against the sunlight. There was neither sun | |
| Nor moon, nor do I think of any stars; | 945 |
| Yet there was light, and there were cedar trees, | |
| And there were sycamores. I lay at rest, | |
| Or should have seemed at rest, within a trough | |
| Between two giant roots. A weariness | |
| Was on me, and I would have gone to sleep, | 950 |
| But I had not the courage. If I slept, | |
| I feared that I should never wake again; | |
| And if I did not sleep I should go mad, | |
| And with my own dull tools, which I had used | |
| With wretched skill so long, hack out my life. | 955 |
| And while I lay there, tortured out of death, | |
| Faint waves of cold, as if the dead were breathing, | |
| Came over me and through me; and I felt | |
| Quick fearful tears of anguish on my face | |
| And in my throat. But soon, and in the distance, | 960 |
| Concealed, importunate, there was a sound | |
| Of coming steps,and I was not afraid; | |
| No, I was not afraid then, I was glad; | |
| For I could feel, with every thought, the Man, | |
| The Mystery, the Child, a footfall nearer. | 965 |
| Then, when he stood before me, there was no | |
| Surprise, there was no questioning: I knew him, | |
| As I had known him always; and he smiled. | |
| Why are you here? he asked; and reaching down, | |
| He took up my dull blades and rubbed his thumb | 970 |
| Across the edges of them and then smiled | |
| Once more.I was a carpenter, I said, | |
| But there was nothing in the world to do. | |
| Nothing? said he.No, nothing, I replied. | |
| But are you sure, he asked, that you have skill? | 975 |
| And are you sure that you have learned your trade? | |
| No, you are not.He looked at me and laughed | |
| As he said that; but I did not laugh then, | |
| Although I might have laughed.They are dull, said he; | |
| They were not very sharp if they were ground; | 980 |
| But they are what you have, and they will earn | |
| What you have not. So take them as they are, | |
| Grind them and clean them, put new handles to them, | |
| And then go learn your trade in Nazareth. | |
| Only be sure that you find Nazareth. | 985 |
| But if I starvewhat then? said I.He smiled. | |
| |
| Now I call that as curious a dream | |
| As ever Meleagers mother had, | |
| Æneas, Alcibiades, or Jacob. | |
| Ill not except the scientist who dreamed | 990 |
| That he was Adam and that he was Eve | |
| At the same time; or yet that other man | |
| Who dreamed that he was Æschylus, reborn | |
| To clutch, combine, compensate, and adjust | |
| The plunging and unfathomable chorus | 995 |
| Wherein we catch, like a bacchanale through thunder, | |
| The chanting of the new Eumenides, | |
| Implacable, renascent, farcical, | |
| Triumphant, and American. He did it, | |
| But did it in a dream. When he awoke | 1000 |
| One phrase of it remained; one verse of it | |
| Went singing through the remnant of his life | |
| Like a bag-pipe through a mad-house.He died young, | |
| And if I ponder the small history | |
| That I have gleaned of him by scattered roads, | 1005 |
| The more do I rejoice that he died young. | |
| That measure would have chased him all his days, | |
| Defeated him, deposed him, wasted him, | |
| And shrewdly ruined himthough in that ruin | |
| There would have lived, as always it has lived, | 1010 |
| In ruin as in failure, the supreme | |
| Fulfilment unexpressed, the rhythm of God | |
| That beats unheard through songs of shattered men | |
| Who dream but cannot sound it.He declined, | |
| From all that I have ever learned of him, | 1015 |
| With absolute good-humor. No complaint, | |
| No groaning at the burden which is light, | |
| No brain-waste of impatienceNever mind, | |
| He whispered, for I might have written Odes. | |
| |
| Speaking of odes now makes me think of ballads. | 1020 |
| Your admirable Mr. Killigrew | |
| Has latterly committed what he calls | |
| A Ballad of LondonLondon Town, of course | |
| And he has wished that I pass judgment on | |
| He says there is a generosity | 1025 |
| About it, and a sympathetic insight; | |
| And there are strong lines in it, so he says. | |
| But who am I that he should make of me | |
| A judge? You are his friend, and you know best | |
| The measure of his jingle. I am old, | 1030 |
| And you are young. Be sure, I may go back | |
| To squeak for you the tunes of yesterday | |
| On my old fiddleor whats left of it | |
| And give you as Im able a young sound; | |
| But all the while I do it I remain | 1035 |
| One of Apollos pensioners (and yours), | |
| An usher in the Palace of the Sun, | |
| A candidate for mattocks and trombones | |
| (The brass-band will be indispensable), | |
| A patron of high science, but no critic. | 1040 |
| So I shall have to tell him, I suppose, | |
| That I read nothing now but Wordsworth, Pope, | |
| Lucretius, Robert Burns, and William Shakespeare. | |
| Now this is Mr. Killigrews performance: | |
| |
| Say, do you go to London Town, | 1045 |
| You with the golden feather? | |
| And if I go to London Town | |
| With my golden feather? | |
| These autumn roads are bright and brown, | |
| The season wears a russet crown; | 1050 |
| And if you go to London Town, | |
| Well go down together. | |
| |
| I cannot say for certain, but I think | |
| The brown bright nightingale was half assuaged | |
| Before your Mr. Killigrew was born. | 1055 |
| If I have erred in my chronology, | |
| No matter,for the feathered man sings now: | |
| |
| Yes, I go to London Town | |
| (Merrily waved the feather), | |
| And if you go to London Town, | 1060 |
| Yes, well go together. | |
| |
| So in the autumn bright and brown, | |
| Just as the year began to frown, | |
| All the way to London Town | |
| Rode the two together. | 1065 |
| |
| I go to marry a fair maid | |
| (Lightly swung the feather) | |
| Pardie, a true and loyal maid | |
| (Oh, the swinging feather!) | |
| For us the wedding gold is weighed, | 1070 |
| For us the feast will soon be laid; | |
| Well make a gallant show, he said, | |
| She and I together. | |
| |
| The feathered man may do a thousand things, | |
| And all go smiling; but the feathered man | 1075 |
| May do too much. Now mark how he continues: | |
| |
| And youyou go to London Town? | |
| (Breezes waved the feather) | |
| Yes, I go to London Town. | |
| (Ah, the stinging feather!) | 1080 |
| Why do you go, my merry blade? | |
| Like me, to marry a fair maid? | |
| Why do I go?
God knows, he said; | |
| And on they rode together. | |
| |
| Now you have read it through, and you know best | 1085 |
| What worth it has. We fellows with gray hair | |
| Who march with sticks to music that is gray | |
| Judge not your vanguard fifing. You are one | |
| To judge; and you will tell me what you think. | |
| Barring the Town, the Fair Maid, and the Feather, | 1090 |
| The dialogue and those parentheses, | |
| You cherish it, undoubtedly. Pardie! | |
| You call it, with a few conservative | |
| Allowances, an excellent small thing | |
| For patient inexperience to do: | 1095 |
| Derivative, you say,still rather pretty. | |
| But what is wrong with Mr. Killigrew? | |
| Is he in love, or has he read Rossetti? | |
| Forgive me! I am old and garrulous
| |
| When are you coming back to Tilbury Town? | 1100 |