| Edmund Clarence Stedman, ed. (1833–1908). A Victorian Anthology, 1837–1895. 1895. |
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| On an Old Muff |
| | | Frederick Locker-Lampson (1821–95) |
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| TIME has a magic wand! | |
| What is this meets my hand, | |
| Moth-eaten, mouldy, and | |
| Cover’d with fluff? | |
| Faded, and stiff, and scant; | 5 |
| Can it be? no, it can’t,— | |
| Yes, I declare, it ’s Aunt | |
| Prudence’s muff! | |
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| Years ago, twenty-three, | |
| Old Uncle Doubledee | 10 |
| Gave it to Aunty P. | |
| Laughing and teasing: | |
| “Prue of the breezy curls, | |
| Whisper those solemn churls, | |
| What holds a pretty girl’s | 15 |
| Hand without squeezing?” | |
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| Uncle was then a lad | |
| Gay, but, I grieve to add, | |
| Sinful, if smoking bad | |
| Baccy’s a vice: | 20 |
| Glossy was then this mink | |
| Muff, lined with pretty pink | |
| Satin, which maidens think | |
| “Awfully nice!” | |
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| I seem to see again | 25 |
| Aunt in her hood and train | |
| Glide, with a sweet disdain, | |
| Gravely to Meeting: | |
| Psalm-book, and kerchief new, | |
| Peep’d from the Muff of Prue; | 30 |
| Young men, and pious too, | |
| Giving her greeting. | |
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| Sweetly her Sabbath sped | |
| Then; from this Muff, it ’s said, | |
| Tracts she distributed: | 35 |
| Converts (till Monday!), | |
| Lur’d by the grace they lack’d, | |
| Follow’d her. One, in fact, | |
| Ask’d for—and got—his tract | |
| Twice of a Sunday! | 40 |
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| Love has a potent spell; | |
| Soon this bold ne’er-do-well, | |
| Aunt’s too susceptible | |
| Heart undermining, | |
| Slipp’d, so the scandal runs, | 45 |
| Notes in the pretty nun’s | |
| Muff,—triple-corner’d ones, | |
| Pink as its lining. | |
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| Worse follow’d: soon the jade | |
| Fled (to oblige her blade!) | 50 |
| Whilst her friends thought that they ’d | |
| Lock’d her up tightly: | |
| After such shocking games | |
| Aunt is of wedded dames | |
| Gayest, and now her name’s | 55 |
| Mrs. Golightly. | |
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| In female conduct, flaw | |
| Sadder I never saw. | |
| Faith still I ’ve in the law | |
| Of compensation. | 60 |
| Once Uncle went astray, | |
| Smok’d, jok’d, and swore away; | |
| Sworn by he ’s now, by a | |
| Large congregation. | |
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| Changed is the Child of Sin; | 65 |
| Now he ’s (he once was thin) | |
| Grave, with a double chin,— | |
| Blest be his fat form! | |
| Changed is the garb he wore, | |
| Preacher was never more | 70 |
| Priz’d than is Uncle for | |
| Pulpit or platform. | |
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| If all ’s as best befits | |
| Mortals of slender wits, | |
| Then beg this Muff and its | 75 |
| Fair Owner pardon: | |
| All ’s for the best, indeed | |
| Such is my simple creed: | |
| Still I must go and weed | |
| Hard in my garden. | 80 |
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