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| MY Lord Tomnoddy’s the son of an Earl; | |
| His hair is straight, but his whiskers curl: | |
| His Lordship’s forehead is far from wide, | |
| But there ’s plenty of room for the brains inside. | |
| He writes his name with indifferent ease, | 5 |
| He ’s rather uncertain about the “d’s;” | |
| But what does it matter, if three or one, | |
| To the Earl of Fitzdotterel’s eldest son? | |
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| My Lord Tomnoddy to college went; | |
| Much time he lost, much money he spent; | 10 |
| Rules, and windows, and heads, he broke— | |
| Authorities wink’d—young men will joke! | |
| He never peep’d inside of a book: | |
| In two years’ time a degree he took, | |
| And the newspapers vaunted the honors won | 15 |
| By the Earl of Fitzdotterel’s eldest son. | |
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| My Lord Tomnoddy came out in the world: | |
| Waists were tighten’d and ringlets curl’d. | |
| Virgins languish’d, and matrons smil’d— | |
| ’T is true, his Lordship is rather wild; | 20 |
| In very queer places he spends his life; | |
| There ’s talk of some children by nobody’s wife— | |
| But we must n’t look close into what is done | |
| By the Earl of Fitzdotterel’s eldest son. | |
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| My Lord Tomnoddy must settle down— | 25 |
| There ’s a vacant seat in the family town! | |
| (’T is time he should sow his eccentric oats)— | |
| He has n’t the wit to apply for votes: | |
| He cannot e’en learn his election speech, | |
| Three phrases he speaks, a mistake in each! | 30 |
| And then breaks down—but the borough is won | |
| For the Earl of Fitzdotterel’s eldest son. | |
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| My Lord Tomnoddy prefers the Guards, | |
| (The House is a bore) so, it ’s on the cards! | |
| My Lord’s a Lieutenant at twenty-three, | 35 |
| A Captain at twenty-six is he: | |
| He never drew sword, except on drill; | |
| The tricks of parade he has learnt but ill; | |
| A full-blown Colonel at thirty-one | |
| Is the Earl of Fitzdotterel’s eldest son! | 40 |
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| My Lord Tomnoddy is thirty-four; | |
| The Earl can last but a few years more. | |
| My Lord in the Peers will take his place: | |
| Her Majesty’s councils his words will grace. | |
| Office he’ll hold, and patronage sway; | 45 |
| Fortunes and lives he will vote away; | |
| And what are his qualifications?—ONE! | |
| He ’s the Earl of Fitzdotterel’s eldest son. | |
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