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THE AVERAGE MAN wears the average clothes | |
And the average hat on his head; | |
He eats at a table and sits on a chair | |
And (normally) sleeps on a bed; | |
For he scorns the eccentric, and never would dare | 5 |
To sleep on a table or eat on a chair. | |
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The Average Man seeks the corner saloon | |
Omeric refreshment to find; | |
But, shunning the tipple, he wanders to church | |
Where he is devoutly inclined | 10 |
Nor does he expect to find whiskey or dice | |
In the place that is famed for religious advice. | |
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The Average Man says the average things | |
And sings just the average songs; | |
Hes deucedly fond of the Average Girl, | 15 |
For whom he unceasingly longs | |
And his vices and virtues, too many to tell, | |
Are oddly at oddsbut they average well. | |
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Statistics declare that the Average Man | |
Finds the Average Woman and mates; | 20 |
That the Average Family, children all told, | |
Is something like two and three-eighths. | |
(Though fractional children disturb and appal, | |
The Average Man isnt worried at all.) | |
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The Average Man reads the average books, | 25 |
And sometimes he writes em, I hear; | |
Hes neither a genius, a knave, nor a fool, | |
In fact he despises the queer; | |
For if he departed the Average Plan | |
Hed cease to be known as the Average Man. | 30 |
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But deep in the breast of the Average Man | |
The passions of ages are swirled, | |
And the loves and the hates of the Average Man | |
Are old as the heart of the world | |
For the thought of the Race, as we live and we die, | 35 |
Is in keeping the Man and the Average high. | |
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