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“The Case Is Proceeding”
FROM the tragic-est novels at Mudie’s— | |
| At least, on a practical plan— | |
| To the tales of mere Hodges and Judys, | |
| One love is enough for a man. | |
| But no case that I ever yet met is | 5 |
| Like mine: I am equally fond | |
| Of Rose, who a charming brunette is, | |
| And Dora, a blonde. | |
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| Each rivals the other in powers— | |
| Each waltzes, each warbles, each paints— | 10 |
| Miss Rose, chiefly tumble-down towers; | |
| Miss Do., perpendicular saints. | |
| In short, to distinguish is folly; | |
| ’Twixt the pair I am come to the pass | |
| Of Macheath, between Lucy and Polly— | 15 |
| Or Buridan’s ass. | |
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| If it happens that Rosa I’ve singled | |
| For a soft celebration in rhyme, | |
| Then the ringlets of Dora get mingled | |
| Somehow with the tune and the time; | 20 |
| Or I painfully pen me a sonnet | |
| To an eyebrow intended for Do.’s, | |
| And behold I am writing upon it | |
| The legend “To Rose.” | |
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| Or I try to draw Dora (my blotter | 25 |
| Is all overscrawled with her head), | |
| If I fancy at last that I’ve got her, | |
| It turns to her rival instead; | |
| Or if I find myself placidly adding | |
| To the rapturous tresses of Rose | 30 |
| Miss Dora’s bud-mouth, and her madding, | |
| Ineffable nose. | |
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| Was there ever so sad a dilemma? | |
| For Rose I would perish (pro tem.); | |
| For Dora I’d willingly stem a— | 35 |
| (Whatever might offer to stem); | |
| But to make the invidious election,— | |
| To declare that on either one’s side | |
| I’ve a scruple,—a grain, more affection, | |
| I cannot decide. | 40 |
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| And, as either so hopelessly nice is, | |
| My sole and my final resource | |
| Is to wait some indefinite crisis,— | |
| Some feat of molecular force, | |
| To solve me this riddle conducive | 45 |
| By no means to peace or repose, | |
| Since the issue can scarce be inclusive | |
| Of Dora and Rose. | |
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(AFTERTHOUGHT) But perhaps, if a third (say a Norah), | |
| Not quite so delightful as Rose,— | 50 |
| Not wholly so charming as Dora,— | |
| Should appear, is it wrong to suppose,— | |
| As the claims of the others are equal,— | |
| And flight—in the main—is the best,— | |
| That I might…. But no matter—the sequel | 55 |
| Is easily guessed. | |
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