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I. I CANNOT choose but think upon the time | |
| When our two lives grew like two buds that kiss | |
| At lightest thrill from the bees swinging chime, | |
| Because the one so near the other is. | |
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| He was the elder and a little man | 5 |
| Of forty inches, bound to show no dread, | |
| And I the girl that puppy-like now ran, | |
| Now lagged behind my brothers larger tread. | |
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| I held him wise, and when he talked to me | |
| Of snakes and birds, and which God loved the best, | 10 |
| I thought his knowledge marked the boundary | |
| Where men grew blind, though angels knew the rest. | |
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| If he said Hush! I tried to hold my breath. | |
| Wherever he said Come! I stepped in faith. | |
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II. Long years have left their writing on my brow, | 15 |
| But yet the freshness and the dew-fed beam | |
| Of those young mornings are about me now, | |
| When we two wandered toward the far-off stream | |
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| With rod and line. Our basket held a store | |
| Baked for us only, and I thought with joy | 20 |
| That I should have my share, though he had more, | |
| Because he was the elder and a boy. | |
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| The firmaments of daisies since to me | |
| Have had those mornings in their opening eyes, | |
| The bunchèd cowslips pale transparency | 25 |
| Carries that sunshine of sweet memories, | |
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| And wild-rose branches take their finest scent | |
| From those blest hours of infantine content. | |
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III. Our mother bade us keep the trodden ways, | |
| Stroked down my tippet, set my brothers frill, | 30 |
| Then with the benediction of her gaze | |
| Clung to us lessening, and pursued us still | |
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| Across the homestead to the rookery elms, | |
| Whose tall old trunks had each a grassy mound, | |
| So rich for us, we counted them as realms | 35 |
| With varied products: here were earth-nuts found, | |
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| And here the Lady-fingers in deep shade; | |
| Here sloping toward the Moat the rushes grew, | |
| The large to split for pith, the small to braid; | |
| While over all the dark rooks cawing flew, | 40 |
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| And made a happy strange solemnity, | |
| A deep-toned chant from life unknown to me. | |
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IV. Our meadow-path had memorable spots: | |
| One where it bridged a tiny rivulet, | |
| Deep hid by tangled blue Forget-me-nots; | 45 |
| And all along the waving grasses met | |
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| My little palm, or nodded to my cheek, | |
| When flowers with upturned faces gazing drew | |
| My wonder downward, seeming all to speak | |
| With eyes of souls that dumbly heard and knew. | 50 |
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| Then came the copse, where wild things rushed unseen, | |
| And black-scathed grass betrayed the past abode | |
| Of mystic gypsies, who still lurked between | |
| Me and each hidden distance of the road. | |
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| A gypsy once had startled me at play, | 55 |
| Blotting with her dark smile my sunny day. | |
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V. Thus rambling we were schooled in deepest lore, | |
| And learned the meanings that give words a soul, | |
| The fear, the love, the primal passionate store, | |
| Whose shaping impulses make manhood whole. | 60 |
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| Those hours were seed to all my after good; | |
| My infant gladness, through eye, ear, and touch, | |
| Took easily as warmth a various food | |
| To nourish the sweet skill of loving much. | |
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| For who in age shall roam the earth and find | 65 |
| Reasons for loving that will strike out love | |
| With sudden rod from the hard year-pressed mind? | |
| Were reasons sown as thick as stars above, | |
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| Tis love must see them, as the eye sees light: | |
| Day is but Number to the darkened sight. | 70 |
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VI. Our brown canal was endless to my thought; | |
| And on its banks I sat in dreamy peace, | |
| Unknowing how the good I loved was wrought, | |
| Untroubled by the fear that it would cease. | |
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| Slowly the barges floated into view | 75 |
| Rounding a grassy hill to me sublime | |
| With some Unknown beyond it, whither flew | |
| The parting cuckoo toward a fresh spring time. | |
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| The wide-arched bridge, the scented elder-flowers, | |
| The wondrous watery rings that died too soon, | 80 |
| The echoes of the quarry, the still hours | |
| With white robe sweeping-on the shadeless noon, | |
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| Were but my growing self, are part of me, | |
| My present Past, my root of piety. | |
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VII. Those long days measured by my little feet | 85 |
| Had chronicles which yield me many a text; | |
| Where irony still finds an image meet | |
| Of full-grown judgments in this world perplext. | |
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| One day my brother left me in high charge, | |
| To mind the rod, while he went seeking bait, | 90 |
| And bade me, when I saw a nearing barge, | |
| Snatch out the line, lest he should come too late. | |
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| Proud of the task, I watched with all my might | |
| For one whole minute, till my eyes grew wide, | |
| Till sky and earth took on a strange new light | 95 |
| And seemed a dream-world floating on some tide | |
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| A fair pavilioned boat for me alone | |
| Bearing me onward through the vast unknown. | |
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VIII. But sudden came the barges pitch-black prow, | |
| Nearer and angrier came my brothers cry, | 100 |
| And all my soul was quivering fear, when lo! | |
| Upon the imperilled line, suspended high, | |
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| A silver perch! My guilt that won the prey, | |
| Now turned to merit, had a guerdon rich | |
| Of hugs and praises, and made merry play, | 105 |
| Until my triumph reached its highest pitch | |
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| When all at home were told the wondrous feat, | |
| And how the little sister had fished well. | |
| In secret, though my fortune tasted sweet, | |
| I wondered why this happiness befell. | 110 |
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| The little lass had luck, the gardener said: | |
| And so I learned, luck was with glory wed. | |
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IX. We had the self-same world enlarged for each | |
| By loving difference of girl and boy: | |
| The fruit that hung on high beyond my reach | 115 |
| He plucked for me, and oft he must employ | |
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| A measuring glance to guide my tiny shoe | |
| Where lay firm stepping-stones, or call to mind | |
| This thing I like my sister may not do, | |
| For she is little, and I must be kind. | 120 |
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| Thus boyish Will the nobler mastery learned | |
| Where inward vision over impulse reigns, | |
| Widening its life with separate life discerned, | |
| A Like unlike, a Self that self-restrains. | |
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| His years with others must the sweeter be | 125 |
| For those brief days he spent in loving me. | |
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X. His sorrow was my sorrow, and his joy | |
| Sent little leaps and laughs through all my frame; | |
| My doll seemed lifeless and no girlish toy | |
| Had any reason when my brother came. | 130 |
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| I knelt with him at marbles, marked his fling | |
| Cut the ringed stem and make the apple drop, | |
| Or watched him winding close the spiral string | |
| That looped the orbits of the humming top. | |
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| Grasped by such fellowship my vagrant thought | 135 |
| Ceased with dream-fruit dream-wishes to fulfil; | |
| My aëry-picturing fantasy was taught | |
| Subjection to the harder, truer skill | |
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| That seeks with deeds to grave a thought-tracked line, | |
| And by What is, What will be to define. | 140 |
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XI. School parted us; we never found again | |
| That childish world where our two spirits mingled | |
| Like scents from varying roses that remain | |
| One sweetness, nor can evermore be singled. | |
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| Yet the twin habit of that early time | 145 |
| Lingered for long about the heart and tongue: | |
| We had been natives of one happy clime, | |
| And its dear accent to our utterance clung. | |
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| Till the dire years whose awful name is Change | |
| Had grasped our souls still yearning in divorce, | 150 |
| And pitiless shaped them in two forms that range | |
| Two elements which sever their lifes course. | |
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| But were another childhood-world my share, | |
| I would be born a little sister there. | |
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