WHAT is natural in me, is natural in many other men, I infer, and so I am not afraid to write that I never had loved Steerforth better than when the ties that bound me to him were broken. In the keen distress of the discovery of his unworthiness, I thought more of all that was brilliant in him, I softened more towards all that was good in him, I did more justice to the qualities that might have made him a man of a noble nature and a great name, than ever I had done in the height of my devotion to him. Deeply as I felt my own unconscious part in his pollution of an honest home, I believed that if I had been brought face to face with him, I could not have uttered one reproach. I should have loved him so well stillthough he fascinated me no longerI should have held in so much tenderness the memory of my affection for him, that I think I should have been as weak as a spirit-wounded child, in all but the entertainment of a thought that we could ever be reunited. That thought I never had. I felt, as he had felt, that all was at an end between us. What his remembrances of me were, I have never knownthey were light enough, perhaps, and easily dismissedbut mine of him were as the remembrances of a cherished friend, who was dead.
Yes, Steerforth, long removed from the scenes of this poor history! My sorrow may bear involuntary witness against you at the Judgment Throne; but my angry thoughts or my reproaches never will, I know!
The news of what had happened soon spread through the town; insomuch that as I passed along the streets next morning, I overheard the people speaking of it at their doors. Many were hard upon her, some few were hard upon him, but towards her second father and her lover there was but one sentiment. Among all kinds of people a respect for them in their distress prevailed, which was full of gentleness and delicacy. The seafaring men kept apart, when those two were seen early, walking with slow steps on the beach; and stood in knots, talking compassionately among themselves.
It was on the beach, close down by the sea, that I found them. It would have been easy to perceive that they had not slept all last night, even if Peggotty had failed to tell me of their still sitting just as I left them, when it was broad day. They looked worn; and I thought Mr. Peggottys head was bowed in one night more than in all the years I had known him.
But they were both as grave and steady as the sea itself: then lying beneath a dark sky, wavelessyet with a heavy roll upon it, as if it breathed in its restand touched, on the horizon, with a strip of silvery light from the unseen sun.
I happened to glance at Ham, then looking out to sea upon the distant light, and a frightful thought came into my mindnot that his face was angry, for it was not; I recall nothing but an expression of stern determination in itthat if ever he encountered Steerforth, he would kill him.
He shook his head when I asked him where he would seek her, and inquired if I were going to London to-morrow? I told him I had not gone to-day, fearing to lose the chance of being of any service to him; but that I was ready to go when he would.
My station, Masr Davy, he returned, aint there no longer; and if ever a boat foundered, since there was darkness on the face of the deep, that ones gone down. But no, Sir, no; I doent mean as it should be deserted. Fur from that.
My wishes is, Sir as it shall look, day and night, winter and summer, as it has always looked, since she first knowd it. If ever she should come a wandering back, I wouldnt have the old place seem to cast her off, you understand, but seem to tempt her to draw nigher tot, and to peep in, maybe, like a ghost, out of the wind and rain, through the old winder, at the old seat by the fire. Then, maybe, Masr Davy, seein none but Missis Gummidge there, she might take heart to creep in, trembling; and might come to be laid down in her old bed, and rest here weary head where it was once so gay.
Every night, said Mr. Peggotty, as reglar as the night comes, the candle must be stood in its old pane of glass, that of ever she should see it, it may seem to say Come back, my child, come back! If ever theres a knock, Ham (particler a soft knock), arter dark, at your aunts door, doent you go nigh it. Let it be hernot youthat sees my fallen child!
He walked a little in front of us, and kept before us for some minutes. During this interval, I glanced at Ham again, and observing the same expression on his face, and his eyes still directed to the distant light, I touched his arm.
I doent know, he said, thoughtfully; I was calling to mind that the beginning of it all did take place hereand then the end come. But its gone! Masr Davy, he added; answering, as I think, my look; you hant no call to be afeerd of me: but Im kiender muddled; I dont fare to feel no matters,which was as much as to say that he was not himself, and quite confounded.
Mr. Peggotty stopping for us to join him: we did so, and said no more. The remembrance of this, in connexion with my former thought, however, haunted me at intervals, even until inexorable end came at its appointed time.
We insensibly approached the old boat, and entered. Mrs. Gummidge, no longer moping in her especial corner, was busy preparing breakfast. She took Mr. Peggottys hat, and placed his seat for him, and spoke so comfortably and softly, that I hardly knew her.
Danl, my good man, said she, you must eat and drink, and keep up your strength, for without it youll do nowt. Try, thats a dear soul! And if I disturb you with my clicketten, she meant her chattering, tell me so, Danl, and I wont.
When she had served us all, she withdrew to the window, where she sedulously employed herself in repairing some shirts and other clothes belonging to Mr. Peggotty, and neatly folding and packing them in an old oilskin bag, such as sailors carry. Meanwhile, she continued talking, in the same quiet manner:
All times and seasons, you know, Danl, said Mrs. Gummidge, I shall be allus here, and everythink will look accordin to your wishes. Im a poor scholar, but I shall write to you, odd times, when youre away, and send my letters to Masr Davy. May be youll write to me too, Danl, odd times, and tell me how you fare to feel upon your lone lorn journeys.
No, no, Danl, she returned, I shant be that. Doent you mind me. I shall have enough to do to keep a Beein for you (Mrs. Gummidge meant a home), again you come backto keep a Beein here for any that may hap to come back, Danl. In the fine time, I shall set outside the door as I used to do. If any should come nigh, they shall see the old widder woman true to em, a long way off.
What a change in Mrs. Gummidge in a little time! She was another woman. She was so devoted, she had such a quick perception of what it would be well to say, and what it would be well to leave unsaid; she was so forgetful of herself, and so regardful of the sorrow about her, that I held her in a sort of veneration. The work she did that day! There were many things to be brought up from the beach and stored in the outhouses oars, nets, sails, cordage, spars, lobster-pots, bags of ballast, and the like; and though there was abundance of assistance rendered, there being not a pair of working hands on all that shore but would have laboured hard for Mr. Peggotty, and been well paid in being asked to do it, yet she persisted, all day long in toiling under weights that she was quite unequal to, and fagging to and fro on all sorts of unnecessary errands. As to deploring her misfortunes, she appeared to have entirely lost the recollection of ever having had any. She preserved an equable cheerfulness in the midst of her sympathy, which was not the least astonishing part of the change that had come over her. Querulousness was out of the question. I did not even observe her voice to falter, or a tear to escape from her eyes, the whole day through, until twilight; when she and I and Mr. Peggotty being alone together, and he having fallen asleep in perfect exhaustion she broke into a half-suppressed fit of sobbing and crying, and taking me to the door, said, Ever bless you, Masr Davy, be a friend to him, poor dear! Then she immediately ran out of the house to wash her face, in order than she might sit quietly beside him, and be found at work there, when she should awake. In short I left her, when I went away at night, the prop and staff of Mr. Peggottys affliction; and I could not meditate enough upon the lesson that I need in Mrs. Gummidge, and the new experience she unfolded to me.
It was between nine and ten oclock when, strolling in a melancholy manner through the town, I stopped at Mr. Omers door. Mr. Omer had taken it so much to heart, his daughter did me, that he had been very low and poorly all day, and had gone to bed without his pipe.
Mrs. Joram tossed her head, endeavouring to be very stern and cross; but she could not command her softer, self, and began to cry. I was young, to be sure; but I thought much the better of her for sympathy, and fancied it became her, as a virtuous wife and mother, very well indeed.
My little Minnie, said Mrs. Joram, has only just now been got to sleep. Even in her sleep she is sobbing for Emly. All day long, little Minnie has cried for her, and asked me, over and over again, whether Emly was wicked? What can I say to her, when Emly tied a ribbon off her own neck round little Minnies the last night she was here, and laid her head down on the pillow beside her till she was fast asleep! The ribbons round my little Minnes neck now. It ought not to be, perhaps, but what can I do? Emly is very bad, but they were fond of one another. And the child knows nothing!
That good creatureI mean Peggottyall untired by her late anxieties and sleepless nights, was at her brothers, where she meant to stay till morning. An old woman, who had been employed about the house for some weeks past, while Peggotty had been unable to attend to it, was the houses only other occupant besides myself. As I had no occasion for her services, I sent her to bed, by no means against her will; and sat down before the kitchen fire a little while, to think about all this.
I was blending it with the deathbed of the late Mr. Barkis, and was driving out with the tide towards the distance at which Ham had looked so singularly in the morning, when I was recalled from my wanderings by a knock at the door. There was a knocker upon the door, but it was not that which made the sound. The tap was from a hand, and low down upon the door, as if it were given by a child.
It made me start as much as if it had been the knock of a footman to a person of distinction. I opened the door; and at first looked down, to my amazement, on nothing but a great umbrella that appeared to be walking about of itself. But presently I discovered underneath it, Miss Mowcher.
I might not have been prepared to give the little creature a very kind reception, if, on her removing the umbrella, which her utmost efforts were unable to shut up, she had shown me the volatile expression of face which had made so great an impression on me at our first and last meeting. But her face, as she turned it up to mine, was so earnest; and when I relieved her of the umbrella (which would have been an inconvenient one for the Irish Giant) she wrung her little hands in such an afflicted manner; that I rather inclined towards her.
She motioned to me with her short right arm, to shut the umbrella for her; and passing me hurriedly, went into the kitchen. When I had closed the door, and followed, with the umbrella in my hand, I found her sitting on the corner of the fenderit was a low iron one, with two flat bars at top to stand plates uponin the shadow of the boiler, swaying herself backwards and forwards, and chafing her hands upon her knees lie a person in pain.
My dear young soul, returned Miss Mowcher, squeezing her hands upon her heart one over the other. I am ill here. I am very ill. To think that it should come to this, when I might have known it and perhaps prevented it, if I hadnt been a thoughtless fool!
Again her large bonnet (very disproportionate to her figure) went backwards and forwards, in her swaying of her little body to and fro; while a most gigantic bonnet rocked, in unison with it, upon the wall.
Yes, its always so! she said. They are all surprised, these inconsiderate young people, fairly and full grown, to see any natural feeling in a little thing like me! They make a plaything of me, use me for their amusement, throw me away when they are tired, and wonder that I feel more than a toy horse or a wooden soldier! Yes, yes, thats the way. The old way!
It may be, with others, I returned but I do assure you it is not with me. Perhaps I ought not to be at all surprised to see you as you are now: I know so little of you. I said, without consideration, what I thought.
What can I do? returned the little woman, standing up and holding out her arms to show herself. See! What I am, my father was; and my sister is; an my brother is. I have worked for sister and brother these many yearshard, Mr. Copperfieldall day. I must live. I do no harm. If there are people so unreflecting or so cruel, as to make a jest of me, what is left for me to do but to make a jest of myself, them, and everything? If I do so, for the time, whose fault is that? Mine?
If I had shown myself a sensitive dwarf to your false friend, pursued the little woman shaking her head at me, with reproachful earnestness, how much of his help or good will do you think I should ever have had? If little Mowcher (who had no hand, young gentleman, in the making of herself) addressed herself to him, or the like of him, because of her misfortunes, when do you suppose her small voice would have been heard? Little Mowcher would have as much need to live if she was the bitterest and dullest of pigmies; but she couldnt do it. No. She might whistle for her bread and butter till she died of Air!
Be thankful, for me, if you have a kind heart, as I think you have, she said, that while I know well what I am, I can be cheerful and endure it all. I am thankful for myself, at any rate, that I can find my tiny way through the world, without being beholden to anyone; and that in return for all that is thrown at me, in folly or vanity, as I go along, I can throw bubbles back. If I dont brood over all I want, it is the better for me, and not the worse for anyone. If I am a plaything for you giants, be gentle with me.
I saw you in the street just now. You may suppose I am not able to walk as fast as you, with my short legs and short breath, and I couldnt overtake you; but I guessed where you came, and came after you. I have been before, to-day, but the good woman wasnt at home.
I know of her, and about her, she replied, from Omer and Joram. I was there at seven oclock this morning. Do you remember what Steerforth said to me about this unfortunate girl, that time when I saw you both at the inn?
May the Father of all Evil confound him, said the little woman, holding up her forefinger between me and her sparkling eyes; and ten times more confound that wicked servant; but I believed it was you who had a boyish passion for her!
Child, child! In the same of blind ill-fortune, cried Miss Mowcher, wringing her hands impatiently, as she went to and fro again upon the fender, why did you praise her so, and blush, and look distrubed?
What did I know? said Miss Mowcher, taking out her handkerchief again, and giving one little stamp on the ground whenever, at short intervals, she applied it to her eyes with both hands at once. He was crossing you and wheedling you, I saw; and you were soft wax in his hands, I saw. Had I left the room a minute, when his man told me that Young Innocence (so he called you, and you may call him Old Guilt all the days of your life) had set his heart upon her and she was giddy and liked him, but his master was resolved that no harm should come of itmore for your sake than for hersand that that was their business here? How could I but believe him? I saw Steerforth soothe and please you by his praise of her! You were the first to mention her name. You owned to an old admiration of her. You were hot and cold, and red and white, all at once when I spoke to you of her. What could I thinkwhat did I thinkbut that you were a young libertine in everything but experience, and had fallen into hands that had experience enough, and could manage you (having the fancy) for your own good? Oh! oh! oh! They were afraid of my finding out the truth, exclaimed Miss Mowcher, getting off the fender, and trotting up and down the kitchen with her two short arms distressfully lifted up, because I am a sharp little thingI need be, to get through the world at all!and they deceived me altogether, and I gave the poor unfortunate girl a letter, which I fully believe was the beginning of her ever speaking to Littimer, who was left behind on purpose!
I stood amazed at the revelation of all this perfidy, looking at Miss Mowcher as she walked up and down the kitchen until she was out of breath: when she sat upon the fender again, and, drying her face with her handkerchief, shook her head for a long time, without otherwise moving, and without breaking silence.
My country rounds, she added at length, brought me to Norwich, Mr. Copperfield, the night before last. What I happened to find out there, about their secret way of coming and going, without youwhich was strangeled to my suspecting something wrong. I got into the coach from London last night, as it came through Norwich, and was here this morning. Oh, oh, oh! too late!
Poor little Mowcher turned so chilly after all her crying and fretting, that she turned round on the fender, putting her poor little wet feet in among the ashes to warm them, and sat looking at the fire, like a large doll. I sat in a chair on the other side of the hearth, lost in unhappy reflections, and looking at the fire too, and sometimes at her.
She had got over the fender now, and I had got over my suspicion. I told her that I believed she had given me a faithful account of herself, and that we had both been hapless instruments in designing hands. She thanked me, and said I was a good fellow.
Now, mind! she exclaimed, turning back on her way to the door, and looking shrewdly at me, with her forefinger up again. I have some reason to suspect, from what I have heardmy ears are always open; I cant afford to spare what powers I havethat they are gone abroad. But if ever they return, if ever any one of them returns, while I am alive, I am more likely than another, going about as I do, to find it out soon. Whatever I know, you shall know. If ever I can do anything to serve the poor betrayed girl, I will do it faithfully, please Heaven! And Littimer had better have a bloodhound at his back, than little Mowcher!
Trust me no more, but trust me no less, than you would trust a full-sized woman, said the little creature, touching me appealingly on the wrist. If ever you see me again, unlike what I am now, and like what I was when you first saw me, observe what company I am in. Call to mind that I am a very helpless and defenceless little thing. Think of me at home with my brother like myself and sister like myself, when my days work is done. Perhaps you wont, then, be very hard upon me, or surprised if I can be distressed and serious. Good night!
I gave Miss Mowcher my hand, with a very different opinion of her from that which I had hitherto entertained, and opened the door to let her out. It was not a trifling business to get the great umbrella up, and properly balanced in her grasp; but at last I successfully accomplished this, and saw it go bobbing down the street through the rain, without the least appearance of having anybody underneath it, except when a heavier fall than usual from some overcharged waterspout sent it toppling over, on one side, and discovered Miss Mowcher struggling violently to get it right. After making one or two sallies to her relief, which were rendered futile by the umbrellas hopping on again, like an immense bird, before I could reach it, I came in, went to bed, and slept till morning.
Masr Davy, Ham whispered, drawing me aside, while Mr. Peggotty was stowing his bag among the luggage, his life is quite broke up. He doent know wheer hes going; he doent know whats afore him; hes bound upon a voyage thatll last, on and off, all the rest of his days, take my wured fort, unless he finds what hes a seeking of. I am sure youll be a friend to him, Masr Davy?
Thankee. Thankee, very kind, Sir. One thing furder. Im in good employ, you know, Masr Davy, and I hant no way now of spending what I gets. Moneys of no use to me no more, except to live. If you can lay it out for him, I shall do my work with a better art. Though as to that, Sir, and he spoke very steadily and mildly, youre not to think but I shall work at all times, like a man, and act the best that lays in my power!
No, Sir, he said, shaking his head, all thats past and over with me, Sir. No one can never fill the place thats empty. But youll bear in mind about the money, as theers at all times some laying by for him?
Reminding him of the fact, that Mr. Peggotty derived a steady, though certainly a very moderate income from the bequest of his late brother-in-law, I promised to do so. We then took leave of each other. I cannot leave him, even now, without remembering with a pang, at once his modest fortitude and his great sorrow.
As to Mrs. Gummidge, if I were to endeavour to describe how she ran down the street by the side of the coach, seeing nothing but Mr. Peggotty on the roof, through the tears she tried to repress, and dashing herself against the people who were coming in the opposite direction, I should enter on a task of some difficulty. Therefore I had better leave her sitting on a bakers doorstep, out of breath, with no shape at all remaining in her bonnet, and one of her shoes off, lying on the pavement at a considerable distance.
When we got to our journeys end, our first pursuit was to look about for a little lodging for Peggotty, where her brother could have a bed. We were so fortunate as to find one, of a very clean and cheap description, over a chandlers shop, only two streets removed from me. When we had engaged this domicile, I bought some cold meat at an eating house, and took my fellow-travellers home to tea; a proceeding, I regret to state, which did not meet with Mrs. Crupps approval, but quite the contrary. I ought to observe, however, in explanation of that ladys state of mind, that she was much offended by Peggottys tucking up her windows gown before she had been ten minutes in the place, and setting to work to dust my bedroom. This Mrs. Crupp regarded in the light of a liberty, and a liberty, she said, was a thing she never allowed.
Mr. Peggotty had made a communication to me on the way to London, for which I was not unprepared. It was, that he purposed first seeing Mrs. Steerforth. As I felt bound to assist him in this, and also to mediate between them; with the view of sparing the mothers feelings as much as possible, I wrote to her that night. I told her as mildly as I could what his wrong was, and what my own share in his injury. I said he was a man in very common life, but of a most gentle and upright character; and that I ventured to express a hope that she would not refuse to see him in his heavy trouble. I mentioned two oclock in the afternoon as the hour of our coming, and I sent the letter myself by the first coach in the morning.
At the appointed time, we stood at the doorthe door of that house where I had been, a few days since, so happy: where my youthful confidence and warmth of heart had been yielded up so freely: which was closed against me henceforth: which was now a waste, a ruin.
No Littimer appeared. The pleasanter face which had replaced his, on the occasion of my last visit, answered to our summons, and went before us to the drawing-room. Mrs. Steerforth was sitting there. Rosa Dartle glided, as we went in, from another part of the room, and stood behind her chair.
I saw, directly, in his mothers face, that she knew from himself what he had done. It was very pale, and bore the traces of deeper emotion than my letter alone, weakened by the doubts her fondness would have raised upon it, would have been likely to create. I thought her more like him than ever I had thought her; and I felt, rather than saw, that the resemblance was not lost on my companion.
She sat upright in her arm-chair, with a stately, immovable, passionless air, that it seemed as if nothing could disturb. She looked very steadfastly at Mr. Peggotty when he stood before her; and he looked, quite as steadfastly at her. Rosa Dartles keen glance comprehended all of us. For some moments not a word was spoken. She motioned to Mr. Peggotty to be seated. He said, in a low voice, I shouldnt feel it natral, maam, to sit down in this house. Id sooner stand. And this was succeeded by another silence, which she broke thus:
Hark to this, maam, he returned, slowly and quietly. You know what it is to love your child. So do I. If she was a hundred times my child, I couldnt love her more. You doent know what it is to lose your child. I do. All the heaps of riches in the wureld would be nowt to me (if they was mine) to buy her back! But, save her from this disgrace, and she shall never be disgraced by us. Not one of us that shes growed up among, not one of us thats lived along with her, and had her for their all in all, these many year, will ever look upon her pritty face again. Well be content to let her be; well be content to think of her, far off, as if she was underneath another sun and sky; well be content to trust her to her husband,to her little children, praps,and bide the time when all of us shall be alike in quality afore our God!
I justify nothing. I make no counter-accusations. But I am sorry to repeat, it is impossible. Such a marriage would irretrievably blight my sons career, and ruin his prospects. Nothing is more certain than that it never can take place, and never will. If there is any other compensation
I am looking at the likeness of the face, interrupted Mr. Peggotty, with a steady but a kindling eye, that has looked at me, in my home, at my fireside, in my boatwheer not?smiling and friendly, when it was so treacherous, that I go half wild when I think of it. If the likeness of that face dont turn to burning fire, at the thought of offering money to me for my childs blight and ruin, its as bad. I dont know, being a ladys, but what its worse.
No, Rosa, not a word! Let the man listen to what I say! My son, who has been the object of my life, to whom its every thought has been devoted, whom I have gratified from a child in every wish, from whom I have had no separate existence since his birth,to take up in a moment with a miserable girl, and avoid me! To repay my confidence with systematic deception, for her sake, and quit me for her! To set this wretched fancy, against his mothers claims upon his duty, love, respect, gratitudeclaims that every day and hour of his life should have strengthened into ties that nothing could be proof against! Is this no injury?
I say, Rosa, not a word! If he can stake his all upon the lightest object, I can stake my all upon a greater purpose. Let him go where he will, with the means that my love has secured to him! Does he think to reduce me by long absence? He knows his mother very little if he does. Let him put away his whim now, and he is welcome back. Let him not put her away now, and he never shall come near me, living or dying, while I can raise my hand to make a sign against it, unless, being rid of her for ever, he comes humbly to me and begs for my forgiveness. This is my right. This is the acknowledgment I will have. This is the separation that there is between us! And is this, she added, looking at her visitor with the proud intolerant air with which she had begun, no injury?
While I heard and saw the mother as she said these words, I seemed to hear and see the son, defying them. All that I had ever seen in him of an unyielding, wilful spirit, I saw in her. All the understanding that I had now of his misdirected energy, became an understanding of her character too, and a perception that it was, in its strongest springs, the same.
She now observed to me, aloud, resuming her former restraint, that it was useless to hear more, or to say more, and that she begged to put an end to the interview. She rose with an air of dignity to leave the room, when Mr. Peggotty signified that it was needless.
Dont fear me being any hindrance to you, I have no more to say, maam, he remarked, as he moved towards the door. I come heer with no hope, and I take away no hope. I have done what I thowt should be done, but I never looked fur any good to come of my stanning where I do. This has been too evil a house fur me and mine, fur me to be in my right senses and expect it.
We had, on our way out, to cross a paved hall, with glass sides, and roof, over which a vine was trained. Its leaves and shoots were green then, and the day being sunny, a pair of glass doors leading to the garden were thrown open. Rosa Dartle, entering this way with a noiseless step, when we were close to them, addressed herself to me:
Such a concentration of rage and scorn as darkened her face, and flashed in her jet-black eyes, I could not have thought compressible even into that face. The scar made by the hammer was, as usual in this excited state of her features, strongly marked. When the throbbing I had seen before, came into it as I looked at her, she absolutely lifted up her hand and struck it.
I know that James Steerforth, she said, with her hand on her bosom, as if to prevent the storm that was raging there, from being loud, has a false, corrupt heart, and is a traitor. But what need I know or care about this fellow and his common niece?
I would trample on them all, she answered. I would have this house pulled down. I would have her branded on the face, drest in rags, and cast out in the streets to starve. If I had the power to sit in judgment on her, I would see it done. See it done? I would do it! I detest her. If I ever could reproach her with her infamous condition, I would go anywhere to do so. If I could hunt her to her grave, I would. If there was any word of comfort that would be a solace to her in her dying hour, and only I possessed it, I wouldnt part with it for Life itself.
The mere vehemence of her words can convey, I am sensible, but a weak impression of the passion by which she was possessed, and which made itself articulate in her whole figure, though her voice, instead of being raised, was lower than usual. No description I could give of her would do justice to my recollection of her, or to her entire deliverance of herself to her anger. I have seen passion in many forms, but I have never seen it in such a form as that.
When I joined Mr. Peggotty, he was walking slowly and thoughtfully down the hill. He told me, as soon as I came up with him, that having now discharged his mind of what he had purposed doing in London, he meant to set out on his travels, that night. I asked him where he meant to go? He only answered, Im a going, Sir, to seek my niece.
We went back to the little lodging over the chandlers shop, and there I found an opportunity of repeating to Peggotty what he had said to me. She informed me, in return, that he had said the same to her that morning. She knew no more than I did, where he was going, but she thought he had some project shaped out in his mind.
I did not like to leave him, under such circumstances, and we all three dined together off a beefsteak piewhich was one of the many good things for which Peggotty was famousand which was curiously flavoured on this occasion, I recollect well, by a miscellaneous taste of tea, coffee, butter, bacon, cheese, new loaves, firewood, candles, and walnut ketchup, continually ascending from the shop. After dinner we sat for an hour or so near the window, without talking much; and then Mr. Peggotty got up, and brought his oilskin bag and his stout stick, and laid them on the table.
He accepted, from his sisters stock of ready money, a small sum on account of his legacy; barely enough, I should have thought, to keep him for a month. He promised to communicate with me, when anything befell him; and he slung his bag about him, took his hat and stick, and bade us both Good bye!
All good attend you, dear old woman, he said, embracing Peggotty, and you too, Masr Davy! shaking hands with me. Im a going to seek her, fur and wide. If she should come home while Im awaybut ah, that aint like to be!or if I should bring her back, my meaning is, that she and me shall live and die where no one cant reproach her. If any hurt should come to me, remember that the last words I left for her was, My unchanged love is with my darling child, and I forgive her.
He said this solemnly, bare-headed; then, putting on his hat, he went down the stairs, and away. We followed to the door. It was a warm, dusty evening, just the time when, in the great main thoroughfare out of which that by-way turned, there was a temporary lull in the eternal tread of feet upon the pavement, and a strong red sunshine. He turned, alone, at the corner of our shady street, into a glow of light, in which we lost him. Rarely did that hour of the evening come, rarely did I wake at night, rarely did I look up at the moon, or stars, or watch the falling rain, or hear the wind, but I thought of his solitary figure toiling on, poor pilgrim, and recalled the words: