No, I must go, I must go; she explained to her sister-in-law the change in her plans in a tone that suggested that she had to remember so many things that there was no enumerating them: no, it had really better be to-day!
Kitty, too, did not come, sending a note that she had a headache. Dolly and Anna dined alone with the children and the English governess. Whether it was that the children were fickle, or that they had acute senses, and felt that Anna was quite different that day from what she had been when they had taken such a fancy to her, that she was not now interested in them,but they had abruptly dropped their play with their aunt, and their love for her, and were quite indifferent that she was going away. Anna was absorbed the whole morning in preparations for her departure. She wrote notes to her Moscow acquaintances, put down her accounts, and packed. Altogether Dolly fancied she was not in a placid state of mind, but in that worried mood, which Dolly knew well with herself, and which does not come without cause, and for the most part covers dissatisfaction with self.
I? Do you think so? Im not queer, but Im nasty. I am like that sometimes. I keep feeling as if I could cry. Its very stupid, but itll pass off, said Anna quickly, and she bent her flushed face over a tiny bag in which she was packing a nightcap and some cambric handkerchiefs. Her eyes were peculiarly bright, and were continually swimming with tears. In the same way I didnt want to leave Petersburg, and now I dont want to go away from here.
Dont say that, Dolly. Ive done nothing, and could do nothing. I often wonder why people are all in league to spoil me. What have I done, and what could I do? In your heart there was found love enough to forgive
No, hes depressing. Do you know why Im going to-day instead of to-morrow? Its a confession that weighs on me; I want to make it to you, said Anna, letting herself drop definitely into an armchair, and looking straight into Dollys face.
Yes, Anna went on. Do you know why Kitty didnt come to dinner? Shes jealous of me. I have spoiled. Ive been the cause of that ball being a torture to her instead of a pleasure. But truly, truly, its not my fault, or only my fault a little bit, she said, daintily drawling the words a little bit.
But at the very moment she was uttering the words, she felt that they were not true. She was not merely doubting of herself, she felt emotion at the thought of Vronsky, and was going away sooner than she had meant, simply to avoid meeting him.
All the same, Anna, to tell you the truth, Im not very anxious for this marriage for Kitty. And its better it should come to nothing, if he, Vronsky, is capable of falling in love with you in a single day.
Oh, heavens, that would be too silly! said Anna, and again a deep flush of pleasure came out on her face, when she heard the idea, that absorbed her, put into words. And so here I am going away having made an enemy of Kitty, whom I liked so much! Ah, how sweet she is! But youll make it right, Dolly? Eh?
Annas emotionalism infected Dolly, and when she embraced her sister-in-law for the last time, she whispered: Remember, Anna, what youve done for me,I shall never forget. And remember that I love you, and shall always love you as my dearest friend!