| |
| RESPECTED WIFE: By these few lines my whereabouts thee ’ll learn: | |
| Moreover, I impart to thee my serious concern. | |
| The language of this people is a riddle unto me; | |
| For words with them are figments of a reckless mockery. | |
| For instance, as I left the cars, a youth with smutty face | 5 |
| Said, “Shine?” “Nay I ’ll not shine,” I said, “except with inward grace.” | |
| “What ’s inward grace?” said this young Turk; | |
| “A liquid or a paste? Hi, daddy, how does the old thing work?” | |
| I then said to a jehu, whose breath suggested gin, | |
| “Friend, can thee take me to a reputable inn?” | 10 |
| But this man’s gross irrelevance I shall not soon forget; | |
| Instead of simply Yea or Nay, he gruffly said, “You bet!” | |
| “Nay, nay, I will not bet,” I said, “for that would be a sin. | |
| Why dost not answer plainly? can thee take me to an inn? | |
| Thy vehicle is doubtless made to carry folks about in; | 15 |
| Why then prevaricate?” Said he, “Aha! well now, you ’re shoutin’!” | |
| “I did not shout,” I said, “my friend; surely my speech is mild: | |
| But thine (I grieve to say it) with falsehood is defiled. | |
| Thee ought to be admonished to rid thy heart of guile.” | |
| “Look here, my lovely moke,” said he, “you sling on too much style.” | 20 |
| “I ’ve had these plain drab garments twenty years or more,” said I; | |
| “And when thee says I ‘sling on style’ thee tells a wilful lie.” | |
| With that he pranced about as tho’ a bee were in his bonnet, | |
| And with hostile demonstrations inquired if I was “on it.” | |
| “On what? Till thee explain, I cannot tell,” I said; | 25 |
| But he swore that something was “too thin,” moreover it was “played.” | |
| But all his antics were surpassed in wild absurdity | |
| By threats, profanely emphasized, to “put a head” on me. | |
| “No son of Belial,” I said, “that miracle can do.” | |
| With that he fell upon me with blows and curses too; | 30 |
| But failed to work that miracle, if such was his design; | |
| Instead of putting on a head, he strove to smite off mine. | |
| Thee knows that I profess the peaceful precepts of our sect, | |
| But this man’s acts worked on me to a curious effect; | |
| And when he knocked my broad-brim off, and said, “How ’s that for high!” | 35 |
| It roused the Adam in me, and I smote him hip and thigh. | |
| This was a signal for the crowd, for calumny broke loose; | |
| They said I ’d “snatched him bald-headed,” and likewise “cooked his goose.” | |
| But yet I do affirm, that I had not pulled his hair; | |
| Nor had I cooked his poultry, for he had no poultry there. | 40 |
| They called me “bully boy,” though I have seen full three-score year; | |
| And they said that I was “lightning when I got upon my ear.” | |
| And when I asked if lightning climbed its ear, and dressed in drab, | |
| “You know how ’t is yourself,” said one insolent young blab. | |
| So I left them in disgust: plain-spoken men like me | 45 |
| With such perverters of our tongue can have no unity. | |
| |
