Verse > Anthologies > The World’s Best Poetry > Vol. IX. Tragedy: Humor
Bliss Carman, et al., eds.  The World’s Best Poetry.
Volume IX. Tragedy: Humor.  1904.
Humorous Poems: II. Miscellaneous
From “Love Sonnets of a Hoodlum”
Wallace Irwin (1875–1959)

WOULDN’T it jar you, wouldn’t it make you sore
To see the poet, when the goods play out,
Crawl off of poor old Pegasus and tout
His skate to two-step sonnets off galore?
Then, when the plug, a dead one, can no more        5
Shake rag-time than a biscuit, right about
The poem-butcher turns with gleeful shout
And sends a batch of sonnets to the store.
The sonnet is a very easy mark,
A James P. Dandy as a carry-all        10
For brain-fag wrecks who want to keep it dark
Just why their crop of thinks is running small.
On the low down, dear Mame, my looty loo,
That ’s why I ’ve cooked this batch of rhymes for you.

To just one girl I ’ve turned my sad bazoo,
Stringing my pipe-dream off as it occurred,
And as I ’ve tipped the straight talk every word,
If you don’t like it you know what to do.
Perhaps you think I ’ve handed out to you
An idle jest, a touch-me-not, absurd        20
As any sky-blue-pink canary bird,
Billed for a record season at the Zoo.
If that ’s your guess you ’ll have to guess again,
For thus I fizzled in a burst of glory,
And this rhythmatic side-show doth contain        25
The sum and substance of my hard-luck story,
Showing how Vanity is still on deck
And Humble Virtue gets it in the neck.

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