Bliss Carman, et al., eds. The World’s Best Poetry.
Volume IX. Tragedy: Humor. 1904. | | | | Humorous Poems: II. Miscellaneous | | The Gouty Merchant and the Stranger | | Horace Smith (1779–1849) |
| | | IN Broad Street building (on a winter night), | |
| Snug by his parlor-fire, a gouty wight | |
| Sat all alone, with one hand rubbing | |
| His feet rolled up in fleecy hose: | |
| With t’ other he ’d beneath his nose | 5 |
| The Public Ledger, in whose columns grubbing, | |
| He noted all the sales of hops, | |
| Ships, shops, and slops; | |
| Gum, galls, and groceries; ginger, gin, | |
| Tar, tallow, turmeric, turpentine, and tin; | 10 |
| When lo! a decent personage in black | |
| Entered and most politely said,— | |
| “Your footman, sir, has gone his nightly track | |
| To the King’s Head, | |
| And left your door ajar; which I | 15 |
| Observed in passing by, | |
| And thought it neighborly to give you notice.” | |
| “Ten thousand thanks; how very few get, | |
| In time of danger, | |
| Such kind attention from a stranger! | 20 |
| Assuredly, that fellow’s throat is | |
| Doomed to a final drop at Newgate: | |
| He knows, too, (the unconscionable elf!) | |
| That there ’s no soul at home except myself.” | |
| “Indeed,” replied the stranger (looking grave), | 25 |
| “Then he ’s a double knave; | |
| He knows that rogues and thieves by scores | |
| Nightly beset unguarded doors: | |
| And see, how easily might one | |
| Of these domestic foes, | 30 |
| Even beneath your very nose, | |
| Perform his knavish tricks; | |
| Enter your room, as I have done, | |
| Blow out your candles—thus—and thus— | |
| Pocket your silver candlesticks, | 35 |
| And—walk off—thus”— | |
| So said, so done; he made no more remark | |
| Nor waited for replies, | |
| But marched off with his prize, | |
| Leaving the gouty merchant in the dark. | 40 | | | |
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