Nonfiction > Lionel Strachey, et al., eds. > The World’s Wit and Humor > American
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The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes.  1906.
Vols. I–V: American
 
The Stammering Wife
By John Godfrey Saxe (1816–1887)
 
WHEN deeply in love with Miss Emily Pryne,
I vowed, if the maiden would only be mine,
  I would always endeavor to please her.
She blushed her consent, though the stuttering lass
Said never a word except “You’re an ass—        5
  An ass—an ass-iduous teaser!”
 
But when we were married, I found to my ruth,
The stammering lady had spoken the truth;
  For often, in obvious dudgeon,
She’d say, if I ventured to give her a jog        10
In the way of reproof—“You’re a dog—you’re a dog—
  A dog—a dog-matic curmudgeon!”
 
And once when I said, “We can hardly afford
This extravagant style, with our moderate hoard,”
  And hinted we ought to be wiser.        15
She looked, I assure you, exceedingly blue,
And fretfully cried, “You’re a Jew—you’re a Jew—
  A very ju-dicious adviser!”
 
Again, when it happened that, wishing to shirk
Some rather unpleasant and arduous work,        20
  I begged her to go to a neighbor,
She wanted to know why I made such a fuss,
And saucily said, “You’re a cuss—cuss—cuss—
  You were always ac-cus-tomed to labor!”
 
Out of temper at last with the insolent dame,        25
And feeling that madam was greatly to blame
  To scold me instead of caressing,
I mimicked her speech—like a churl that I am—
And angrily said, “You’re a dam—dam—dam—
  A dam-age instead of a blessing!”        30
 
 
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