The Worlds Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906. Vols. IV: American
By Artemus Ward (Charles Farrar Browne) (18341867)
From Complete Works of Artemus Ward
I PITCHED my tent in a small town in Injianny one day last seeson, & while I was standin at the dore takin money, a deppytashun of ladies came up & sed they wos members of the Bunkumville Female Reformin & Wimins Rites Associashun, and thay axed me if they cood go in without payin.
We air, Sur, said the feroshus womanwe belong to a Society whitch beleeves wimin has riteswhitch beleeves in razin her to her proper speerwhitch beleeves she is indowed with as much intelleck as man iswhitch beleeves she is trampled on and aboozed& who will resist henso4th & forever the incroachments of proud & domineering men.
Yes, cried the female, & shes a slave! Doth she never dream of freedomdoth she never think of throwin of the yoke of tyrrinny & thinkin & votin for herself?Doth she never think of these here things?
My female friends, sed I, be4 you leeve, Ive a few remarks to remark; wa them well. The female woman is one of the greatest institooshuns of which this land can boste. Its onpossible to get along without her. Had there bin no female wimin in the world, I should scarcely be here with my unparaleld show on this very occashun. She is good in sicknessgood in wellnessgood all the time. O woman, woman! I cried, my feelins worked up to a hi poetick pitch, you air a angle when you behave yourself; but when you take off your proper appairel & (mettyforically speaken)get into pantyloonswhen you desert your firesides, & with your heds full of wimins rites noshuns go round like roarin lions, seekin whom you may devour someboddyin short, when you undertake to play the man, you play the devil and air an emfatic noosance. My female friends, I continnered, as they were indignantly departin, wa well what A. Ward has sed!