A CERTAIN Man went from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among Thieves, who beat him and stripped him and left him for dead. A Good Samaritan, seeing this, clapped Spurs to his ass and galloped away, lest he should be sent to the House of Detention as a Witness, while the Robbers were released on bail.
A VILLAGER one frosty day found under a hedge a Snake almost dead with cold. Moved with compassion, and having heard that Snake Oil was good for the Rheumatiz, he took it home and placed it on the Hearth, where it shortly began to wake and crawl. Meanwhile, the Villager having gone out to keep an Engagement with a Man round the Corner, the Villagers Son (who had not drawn a sober Breath for a Week) entered, and, beholding the Serpent unfolding its plain, unvarnished Tail, with the cry, Ive got em again! fled to the office of the nearest Justice of the Peace, swore off, and became an Apostle of Temperance at $700 a week. The beneficent Snake next bit the Villagers Mother-in-law so severely that Death soon ended her sufferingsand his; then silently stole away, leaving the Villager deeply and doubly in its Debt.
AN OSTRICH and a Hen chanced to occupy adjacent apartments, and the former complained loudly that her rest was disturbed by the cackling of her humble neighbor. Why is it, she finally asked the Hen, that you make such an intolerable noise? The Hen replied, Because I have laid an egg. Oh, no, said the Ostrich, with a superior smile, it is because you are a Hen and dont know any better.
A FRIVOLOUS Grasshopper, having spent the summer in Mirth and Revelry, went on the Approach of the inclement winter to the Ant and implored it of its charity to stake him. You had better go to your Uncle, replied the prudent Ant. Had you imitated my Forethought and deposited your Funds in a Savings Bank, you would not now be compelled to regard your Duster in the light of an Ulster. Thus saying, the virtuous Ant retired, and read in the Papers next morning that the Savings Bank where he had deposited his Funds had suspended.
A SIMPLETON, having had Occasion to seat himself, sat down on a Pin; whereon he made an Outcry unto Jupiter. A Philosopher, who happened to be holding up a Hitching-Post in the Vicinity, rebuked him, saying: I can tell you how to avoid hurting yourself by sitting down on Pins, and will, if you will set them up. The Simpleton eagerly accepting the Offer, the Philosopher swallowed four fingers of the Rum which perisheth, and replied, Never sit down. He subsequently acquired a vast Fortune by advertising for Agents, to whom he guaranteed $77 a Week for light and easy employment at their Homes.
DURING the Deluge, as a Shark was conducting a Thanksgiving service for an abundant Harvest, a prudent Patriarch looked out and addressed him thus: My Friend, I am much struck with your open Countenance; pray come into the Ark and make one of us. The Probabilities are a falling Barometer and Heavy Rains throughout the Region of the Lower Universe during the next Forty Days. That is just the sort of Hairpin I am, replied the Shark, who had cut several rows of Wisdom Teeth; fetch on your Deluges. About six Weeks subsequently the Patriarch encountered him on the summit of Mount Ararat, in very straitened Circumstances.
A KIND-HEARTED She-Elephant, while walking through the Jungle where the Spicy Breezes blow soft oer Ceylons Isle, heedlessly set foot upon a Partridge, which she crushed to death within a few inches of the Nest containing its Callow Brood. Poor little things! said the generous Mammoth. I have been a Mother myself, and my affection shall atone for the Fatal Consequences of my neglect. So saying, she sat down upon the Orphaned Birds.
A CROW, having secured a Piece of Cheese, flew with its Prize to a lofty Tree, and was preparing to devour the Luscious Morsel, when a crafty Fox, halting at the foot of the Tree, began to cast about how he might obtain it.
Moral.The foregoing fable is supported by a whole Gatling Battery of Morals. We are taught (1) that it Pays to take the Papers; (2) that Invitation is not Always the Sincerest Flattery; (3) that a Stalled Rabbit with Contentment is better than no Bread; and (4) that the Aim of Art is to Conceal Disappointment.