The Worlds Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes. 1906. Vols. IV: American
A Silent Partner
Anonymous, in The Punch-Bowl, University of Pennsylvania
ISNT it weird? Dont you think West Point cadets are just too splendid for words? And is this the new field? Oh, isnt it ravishing? And they are the dormitories at this end. I think it is so nice that the men can just sit at their windows and see all the Were you saying something? Oh, it isnt the dormitories. How disappointing! Now, dont laugh. Everybody laughs at me. I make the most inane mistakes. Do you know, when I was at Florences luncheon yesterdayAre these our seats? Is that Captain Farnsworth? Isnt he just a dream? He must look so nice in his uniform Were you saying something? Not Captain Farnsworth? Scotty? How stupid of me! Hes on the Navy team, of course. Theyre going to begin. Im so excited! I wonder if that is Constance Fethrill, with the red hat? Who do you suppose will win? I do adore red hatsthough hers doesnt become her one bit. Oh, yes, indeed, it was a perfectly splendid tackle. Im so glad I came! Theres Agnes Berry in the next section. Dont you think shes pretty? Why dont they start playing again? Im so excited I cant wait. Some one hurt? Why, theyre carrying him off. Poor fellow! What a perfectly filthy pair of gloves I have. But I am so dead broke I really cant afford another pair. I have such a time getting fitted. What? Oh, no, my hands are very large. Dont you think they are large? Oh, you nice boy! My hands are a perfect joke in our family. Goodness! what are they doing now? A touch-down! How exciting! And now theyre going to kick a goal from the field. Do you ever go to the dances at Belheim? Dont you just love them? Why, the half is over. How disappointing! But now we can talk. Ive been so interested I havent said a word. What do you think of the Navy team? Im just so keen about them. Of course theyre not nearly so fine as Pennsylvania. Hadnt Pennsylvania a perfectly glorious team? I was so afraid they wouldnt beat Haverford. Charlie Tuppover goes to Haverford, and is always talking about how fine it is. I just hate it. Really I do. (Exclamation points, italics, question-marks, etc., continue until 5.20 P.M.) Oh, its been just heavenly! I can never, never, thank you for taking me. Be sure and come to see me soon. I do enjoy football games.