Sir Samp. Not at all, madam; odsbud you wrong me. I am not so old, neither, to be a bare courtier, only a man of words. Odd, I have warm blood about me yet, and can serve a lady any way. Come, come, let me tell you, you women think a man old too soon, faith and troth, you do! Come, dont despise fifty; odd, fifty, in a hale constitution, is no such contemptible age.
Ang. Fifty a contemptible age! Not at all; a very fashionable age, I think. I assure you, I know very considerable beaux that set a good face upon fifty. Fifty! I have seen fifty in a side-box, by candle-light, out-blossom five-and-twenty.
Sir Samp. Outsides, outsides; a pize take em, mere outsides! Hang your side-box beaux! No, Im none of those, none of your forced trees, that pretend to blossom in the fall, and bud when they should bring forth fruit. I am of a long-lived race, and inherit vigour. None of my ancestors married till fifty, yet they begot sons and daughters till fourscore. I am of your patriarchs; I, a branch of one of your antediluvian families, fellows that the flood could not wash away. Well, madam, what are your commands? Has any young rogue affronted you, and shall I cut his throat? Or
Sir Samp. Odsbud, and tis pity you should! (Aside.) Odd, would she would like me, then I should hamper my young rogues. Odd, would she would; faith and troth shes devilish handsome! (Aloud.) Madam, you deserve a good husband, and twere pity you should be thrown away upon any of these young idle rogues about the town. Odd, theres neer a young fellow worth hangingthat is, a very young fellow. Pize on em! they never think beforehand of anything; and if they commit matrimony, tis as they commit murderout of a frolic, and are ready to hang themselves, or to be hanged by the law, the next morning. Odso, have a care, madam.
Ang. Therefore I ask your advice, Sir Sampson. I have fortune enough to make any man easy that I can like; if there were such a thing as a young agreeable man with a reasonable stock of good-nature and sense. For I would neither have an absolute wit nor a fool.
Sir Samp. Odd, you are hard to please, madam. To find a young fellow that is neither a wit in his own eye, nor a fool in the eye of the world, is a very hard task. But, faith and troth, you speak very discreetly; for I hate both a wit and a fool.
Ang. She that marries a fool, Sir Sampson, forfeits the reputation of her honesty or understanding; and she that marries a very witty man is a slave to the severity and insolent conduct of her husband. I should like a man of wit for a lover, because I would have such a one in my power; but I would no more be his wife than his enemy. For his malice is not a more terrible consequence of his aversion than his jealousy is of his love.
Sir Samp. None of old Foresights Sibyls ever uttered such a truth. Odsbud, you have won my heart! I hate a wit. I had a son that was spoiled among em; a good, hopeful lad, till he learned to be a witand might have risen in the state. But a cox ont! his wit run him out of his money, and now his poverty has run him out of his wits.
Sir Samp. (aside). Odsbud, I believe she likes me! (Aloud.) Ah, madam, all my affairs are scarce worthy to be laid at your feet; and I wish, madam, they were in a better posture, that I might make a more becoming offer to a lady of your incomparable beauty and merit. If I had Peru in one hand, and Mexico in tother, and the Eastern Empire under my feet, it would make me only a more glorious victim to be offered at the shrine of your beauty.
Ang. Hold, hold, Sir Sampson! I asked your advice for a husband, and you are giving me your consent. I was indeed thinking to propose something like it in jest, to satisfy you about your son, for if a match were seemingly carried on between you and me, it would oblige him to throw off his disguise of madness, in apprehension of losing me. You know he has long pretended a passion for me.
Sir Samp. Odd, youre cunning, a wary baggage! Faith and troth, I like you the better. But, I warrant you, I have a proviso in the obligation in favour of myself. Body o me, I have a trick to turn the settlement upon the issue male of our two bodies begotten. Odsbud, let us find children, and Ill find an estate.
Sir Samp. With all my heart; come in with me, and Ill lend you the bond. You shall consult your lawyer, and Ill consult a parson. Odzooks, Im a young man; odzooks, Im a young man, and Ill make it appear. Odd, youre devilish handsome. Faith and troth, youre very handsome; and Im very young, and very lusty. Odsbud, hussy, you know how to choose, and so do I. Odd, I think we are very well met. Give me your hand, odd, let me kiss it; tis as warm and as softas what? Odd, as tother hand; give me tother hand, and Ill mumble em and kiss em till they melt in my mouth.
Sir Samp. No, no, only give you a rent-roll of my possessions. Ha! baggage! I warrant you for little Sampson. Odd, Sampsons a very good name for an able fellow; your Sampsons were strong dogs from the beginning.