Nonfiction > E.C. Stedman & E.M. Hutchinson, eds. > A Library of American Literature > 1788–1820
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Stedman and Hutchinson, comps.  A Library of American Literature:
An Anthology in Eleven Volumes.  1891.
Vol. IV: Literature of the Republic, Part I., Constitutional period, 1788–1820
 
My Landlady’s Nose
By Alexander Wilson (1766–1813)
 
[The Poems, etc., etc. 1876.]

O’ER the evils of life ’tis a folly to fret,—
Despondence and grief never lessened them yet;
Then a fig for the world,—let it come as it goes,
I’ll sing to the praise of my landlady’s nose.
 
My landlady’s nose is in noble condition,        5
For longitude, latitude, shape, and position;
’T is as round as a horn, and as red as a rose;
Success to the hulk of my landlady’s nose!
 
To jewellers’ shops let your ladies repair,
For trinkets and knick-knacks to give them an air,        10
Here living carbuncles, a score of them glows
On the big massy sides of my landlady’s nose.
 
Old Patrick M’Dougherty, when on the fuddle,
Pulls out a cigar, and looks up to her noddle;
For Dougherty swears, when he swigs a good dose,        15
By Marjory’s firebrand, my landlady’s nose.
 
Ye wishy-wash buttermilk drinkers so cold,
Come here, and the virtues of brandy behold;
Here’s red burning Ætna; a mountain of snows
Would roll down in streams from my landlady’s nose.        20
 
Each cavern profound of this snuff-loving snout
Is furnished within, sir, as well as without;
O’er the brown upper lip such a cordial flows—
O the cordial brown drops of my landlady’s nose!
 
But, gods! when this trunk, with an uplifted arm,        25
She grasps in the dish-clout to blow an alarm,
Horns, trumpets, conches, are but screaming of crows,
To the loud thundering twang of my landlady’s nose.
 
My landlady’s nose unto me is a treasure,
A care-killing nostrum, a fountain of pleasure;        30
If I want for a laugh to discard all my woes,
I only look up to my landlady’s nose.
 
 
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