Stedman and Hutchinson, comps. A Library of American Literature: An Anthology in Eleven Volumes. 1891. Vols. IXXI: Literature of the Republic, Part IV., 18611889
Miss Malony on the Chinese Question
By Mary Mapes Dodge (18311905)
[Theophilus and Others. 1876.]
OCH! dont be talkin. Is it howld on, ye say? An didnt I howld on till the heart of me was clane broke entirely, and me wastin that thin ye could clutch me wid yer two hands. To think o me toilin like a nager for the six year Ive been in Amerikybad luck to the day I iver left the owld counthry!to be bate by the likes o them! (faix, an Ill sit down when Im ready, so I will, Ann Ryan; an yed better be listnin than drawin yer remarks). An is it meself, with five good characters from respectable places, would be herdin wid the haythens? The saints forgive me, but Id be buried alive soonern put up wid it a day longer. Sure, an I was the granehorn not to be lavin at once-t when the missus kim into me kitchen wid her perlaver about the new waiter-man which was brought out from Californy. Hell be here the night, says she. And, Kitty, its meself looks to you to be kind and patient wid him; for hes a furriner, says she, a kind o lookin off. Sure, an its little Ill hinder nor interfare wid him, nor any other, mum, says I, a kind o stiff; for I minded me how these French waiters, wid their paper collars and brass rings on their fingers, isnt company for no gurril brought up dacent and honest. Och! sorra a bit I knew what was comin till the missus walked into me kitchen, smilin, and says, kind o shcared, Heres Fing Wing, Kitty; an yell have too much sinse to mind his bein a little strange. Wid that she shoots the doore; and I, mishtrustin if I was tidied up sufficient for me fine buy wid his paper collar, looks up, andHowly fathers! may I niver brathe another breath, but there stud a rale haythen Chineser, a-grinnin like hed just come off a tay-box. If yell belave me, the crayture was that yeller it ud sicken ye to see him; and sorra stitch was on him but a black night-gown over his trousers, and the front of his head shaved claner nor a copper-biler, and a black tail a-hangin down from it behind, wid his two feet stook into the haythenestest shoes ye ever set eyes on. Och! but I was upstairs afore ye could turn about, a-givin the missus warnin, an only stopt wid her by her raisin me wages two dollars, and playdin wid me how it was a Christians duty to bear wid haythens, and taitch em all in our powerthe saints save us! Well, the ways and trials I had wid that Chineser, Ann Ryan, I couldnt be tellin. Not a blissed thing cud I do, but hed be lookin on wid his eyes cocked upard like two poomp-handles; an he widdout a speck or smitch o whishkers on him, an his finger-nails full a yard long. But its dyin yed be to see the missus a-larnin him, an he grinnin, an waggin his pig-tail (which was pieced out long wid some black stoof, the haythen chate!) and gettin into her ways wonderful quick, I dont deny, imitatin that sharp, yed be shurprised, and ketchin an copyin things the best of us will do a-hurried wid work, yet dont want comin to the knowledge o the familybad luck to him!
Is it ate wid him? Arrah, an would I be sittin wid a haythen, an he a-atin wid drum-sticks?yes, an atin dogs an cats unknownst to me, I warrant ye, which it is the custom of them Chinesers, till the thought made me that sick I could die. An didnt the crayture proffer to help me a wake ago come Toosday, an me foldin down me clane clothes for the ironin, an fill his haythen mouth wid water, an afore I could hinder, squirrit it through his teeth stret over the best linen tablecloth, and fold it up tight, as innercent now as a baby, the dirrity baste! But the worrest of all was the copyin hed be doin till yed be dishtracted. Its yerself knows the tinder feet thats on me since ever Ive bin in this counthry. Well, owin to that, I fell into a way o slippin me shoes off when Id be settin down to pale the praities, or the likes o that; and, do ye mind, that haythen would do the same thing after me whiniver the missus set him to parin apples or tomaterses. The saints in heaven couldnt ha made him belave he cud kape the shoes on him when hed be paylin anything.
Did I lave for that? Faix, an I didnt. Didnt he get me into throuble wid my missus, the haythen! Yere aware yerself how the boondles comin in from the grocery often contains morenll go into anything dacently. So, for that matter, Id now and then take out a sup o sugar, or flour, or tay, an wrap it in paper, and put it in me bit of a box tucked under the ironin-blanket the how it cuddent be bodderin any one. Well, what shud it be, but this blessed Sathurday morn, the missus was a-spakin pleasant an respecful wid me in me kitchen, when the grocer buy comes in, and stands fornenst her wid his boondles; an she motions like to Fing Wing (which I never would call him by that name ner any other but just haythen)she motions to him, she does, for to take the boondles, an empty out the sugar an what not where they belongs. If yell belave me, Ann Ryan, what did that blatherin Chineser do but take out a sup o sugar, an a hanful o tay, an a bit o chaze, right afore the missus, wrap em into bits o paper, an I spacheless wid shurprize, an he the next minute up wid the ironin-blanket, and pullin out me box wid a show o bein sly to put them in. Och, the Lord forgive me, but I clutched it, an the missus sayin, O Kitty! in a way that ud cruddle your blood. Hes a haythen nager, says I. Ive found yer out, says she. Ill arrist him, says I. Its yerself ought to be arristed, says she. Yer wont, says I. I will, says she. And so it went, till she give me such sass as I cuddent take from no lady, an I give her warnin, an left that instant, an she a-pointin to the doore.