| |
| I DU believe in Freedom’s cause, | |
| Ez fur away ez Payris is; | |
| I love to see her stick her claws | |
| In them infarnal Phayrisees; | |
| It’s wal enough agin a king | 5 |
| To dror resolves an’ triggers,— | |
| But libbaty’s a kind o’ thing | |
| Thet don’t agree with niggers. | |
| |
| I du believe the people want | |
| A tax on teas an’ coffees, | 10 |
| Thet nothin’ aint extravygunt,— | |
| Purvidin’ I’m in office; | |
| Fer I her loved my country sence | |
| My eye-teeth filled their sockets, | |
| An’ Uncle Sam I reverence, | 15 |
| Partic’larly his pockets. | |
| |
| I du believe in any plan | |
| O’ levyin’ the taxes, | |
| Ez long ez, like a lumberman, | |
| I git jest wut I axes; | 20 |
| I go free-trade thru thick an’ thin, | |
| Because it kind o’ rouses | |
| The folks to vote,—an’ keeps us in | |
| Our quiet custom-houses. | |
| |
| I du believe it’s wise an’ good | 25 |
| To sen’ out furrin missions, | |
| Thet is, on sartin understood | |
| An’ orthydox conditions;— | |
| I mean nine thousan’ dolls. per ann., | |
| Nine thousan’ more fer outfit, | 30 |
| An’ me to recommend a man | |
| The place ’ould jest about fit. | |
| |
| I du believe in special ways | |
| O’ prayin’ an’ convartin’; | |
| The bread comes back in many days, | 35 |
| An’ buttered, tu, fer sartin; | |
| I mean in preyin’ till one busts | |
| On wut the party chooses, | |
| An’ in convartin’ public trusts | |
| To very privit uses. | 40 |
| |
| I du believe hard coin the stuff | |
| Fer ’lectioneers to spout on; | |
| The people’s ollers soft enough | |
| To make hard money out on; | |
| Dear Uncle Sam pervides fer his, | 45 |
| An’ gives a good-sized junk to all,— | |
| I don’t care how hard money is, | |
| Ez long ez mine’s paid punctooal. | |
| |
| I du believe with all my soul | |
| In the gret Press’s freedom, | 50 |
| To pint the people to the goal | |
| An’ in the traces lead ’em; | |
| Palsied the arm thet forges yokes | |
| At my fat contracts squintin’, | |
| An’ withered be the nose thet pokes | 55 |
| Inter the gov’ment printin’! | |
| |
| I du believe thet I should give | |
| Wut’s his’n unto Cæsar, | |
| Fer it’s by him I move an’ live, | |
| Frum him my bread an’ cheese air; | 60 |
| I du believe thet all o’ me | |
| Doth bear his superscription,— | |
| Will, conscience, honor, honesty, | |
| An’ things o’ thet description. | |
| |
| I du believe in prayer an’ praise | 65 |
| To him thet hez the grantin’ | |
| O’ jobs,—in every thin’ thet pays, | |
| But most of all in CANTIN’; | |
| This doth my cup with marcies fill, | |
| This lays all thought o’ sin to rest, | 70 |
| I don’t believe in princerple, | |
| But oh, I du in interest. | |
| |
| I du believe in bein’ this | |
| Or thet, ez it may happen | |
| One way or ’t other hendiest is | 75 |
| To ketch the people nappin’; | |
| It aint by princerples nor men | |
| My preudunt course is steadied,— | |
| I scent wich pays the best, an’ then | |
| Go into it baldheaded. | 80 |
| |
| I du believe thet holdin’ slaves | |
| Comes nat’ral to a Presidunt, | |
| Let ’lone the rowdedow it saves | |
| To hev a wal-broke precedunt; | |
| Fer any office, small or gret, | 85 |
| I couldn’t ax with no face, | |
| ’uthout I’d ben, thru dry an’ wet, | |
| Th’ unrizzest kind o’ doughface. | |
| |
| I du believe wutever trash | |
| ’ll keep the people in blindness, | 90 |
| Thet we the Mexicuns can thrash | |
| Right inter brotherly kindness, | |
| Thet bombshells, grape, an’ powder ’n’ ball | |
| Air good-will’s strongest magnets, | |
| Thet peace, to make it stick at all, | 95 |
| Must be druv in with bagnets. | |
| |
| In short, I firmly du believe | |
| In Humbug generally, | |
| Fer it’s a thing thet I perceive | |
| To hev a solid vally; | 100 |
| This heth my faithful shepherd ben, | |
| In pasturs sweet heth led me, | |
| An’ this ’ll keep the people green | |
| To feed ez they hev fed me. | |
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