She sits alone a good deal, and does nt talk to her father as much as she used. I found her crying over the babies the other day. When she sings, the songs are always sad ones, and now and then I see a look in her face that I dont understand. This is nt like Beth, and it worries me.
I think she is growing up, and so begins to dream dreams, and have hopes and fears and fidgets, without knowing why, or being able to explain them. Why, mother, Beth s eighteen, but we dont realize it, and treat her like a child, forgetting she s a woman.
Why, you know I dont mind hard jobs much, and there must always be one scrub in a family. Amy is splendid in fine works, and I m not; but I feel in my element when all the carpets are to be taken up, or half the family fall sick at once. Amy is distinguishing herself abroad; but if anything is amiss at home, I m your man.
I leave Beth to your hands, then, for she will open her tender little heart to her Jo sooner than to any one else. Be very kind, and dont let her think any one watches or talks about her. If she only would get quite strong and cheerful again, I should nt have a wish in the world.
I ll settle Bethys troubles, and then I ll tell you mine. They are not very wearing, so they ll keep; and Jo stitched away, with a wise nod which set her mothers heart at rest about her, for the present at least.
While apparently absorbed in her own affairs, Jo watched Beth; and, after many conflicting conjectures, finally settled upon one which seemed to explain the change in her. A slight incident gave Jo the clue to the mystery, she thought, and lively fancy, loving heart did the rest. She was affecting to write busily one Saturday afternoon, when she and Beth were alone together; yet as she scribbled, she kept her eye on her sister, who seemed unusually quiet. Sitting at the window, Beths work often dropped into her lap, and she leaned her head upon her hand, in a dejected attitude, while her eyes rested on the dull, autumnal landscape. Suddenly some one passed below, whistling like an operatic blackbird, and a voice called out,
Hum! said Jo, still intent upon her sisters face; for the bright color faded as quickly as it came, the smile vanished, and presently a tear lay shining on the window-ledge. Beth whisked it off, and glanced apprehensively at Jo; but she was scratching away at a tremendous rate, apparently engrossed in Olympias Oath. The instant Beth turned, Jo began her watch again, saw Beths hand go quietly to her eyes more than once, and, in her half-averted face, read a tender sorrow that made her own eyes fill. Fearing to betray herself, she slipped away, murmuring something about needing more paper.
Mercy on me, Beth loves Laurie! she said, sitting down in her own room, pale with the shock of the discovery which she believed she had just made. I never dreamt of such a thing. What will mother say? I wonder if he there Jo stopped, and turned scarlet with a sudden thought. If he should nt love back again, how dreadful it would be. He must; I ll make him! and she shook her head threateningly at the picture of the mischievous-looking boy laughing at her from the wall. Oh dear, we are growing up with a vengeance. Here s Meg married and a mamma, Amy flourishing away at Paris, and Beth in love. I m the only one that has sense enough to keep out of mischief. Jo thought intently for a minute, with her eyes fixed on the picture; then she smoothed out her wrinkled forehead, and said, with a decided nod at the face opposite, No, thank you, sir; you re very charming, but you ve no more stability than a weathercock; so you need nt write touching notes, and smile in that insinuating way, for it wont do a bit of good, and I wont have it.
Then she sighed, and fell into a reverie, from which she did not wake till the early twilight sent her down to take new observations, which only confirmed her suspicion. Though Laurie flirted with Amy and joked with Jo, his manner to Beth had always been peculiarly kind and gentle, but so was everybodys; therefore, no one thought of imagining that he cared more for her than for the others. Indeed, a general impression had prevailed in the family, of late, that our boy was getting fonder than ever of Jo, who, however, would nt hear a word upon the subject, and scolded violently if any one dared to suggest it. If they had known the various tender passages of the past year, or rather attempts at tender passages which had been nipped in the bud, they would have had the immense satisfaction of saying, I told you so. But Jo hated philandering, and would nt allow it, always having a joke or a smile ready at the least sign of impending danger.
When Laurie first went to college, he fell in love about once a month; but these small flames were as brief as ardent, did no damage, and much amused Jo, who took great interest in the alternations of hope, despair, and resignation, which were confided to her in their weekly conferences. But there came a time when Laurie ceased to worship at many shrines, hinted darkly at one all-absorbing passion, and indulged occasionally in Byronic fits of gloom. Then he avoided the tender subject altogether, wrote philosophical notes to Jo, turned studious, and gave out that he was going to dig, intending to graduate in a blaze of glory. This suited the young lady better than twilight confidences, tender pressures of the hand, and eloquent glances of the eye; for with Jo, brain developed earlier than heart, and she preferred imaginary heroes to real ones, because, when tired of them, the former could be shut up in the tin-kitchen till called for, and the latter were less manageable.
Things were in this state when the grand discovery was made, and Jo watched Laurie that night as she had never done before. If she had not got the new idea into her head, she would have seen nothing unusual in the fact that Beth was very quiet, and Laurie very kind to her. But having given the rein to her lively fancy, it galloped away with her at a great pace; and common sense, being rather weakened by a long course of romance writing, did not come to the rescue. As usual, Beth lay on the sofa, and Laurie sat in a low chair close by, amusing her with all sorts of gossip; for she depended on her weekly spin, and he never disappointed her. But that evening, Jo fancied that Beths eyes rested on the lively, dark face beside her with peculiar pleasure, and that she listened with intense interest to an account of some exciting cricket-match, though the phrases, caught off a tice, stumped off his ground, and the leg hit for three, were as intelligible to her as Sanscrit. She also fancied, having set her heart upon seeing it, that she saw a certain increase of gentleness in Lauries manner, that he dropped his voice now and then, laughed less than usual, was a little absent-minded, and settled the afghan over Beths feet with an assiduity that was really almost tender.
Who knows? stranger things have happened, thought Jo, as she fussed about the room. She will make quite an angel of him, and he will make life delightfully easy and pleasant for the dear, if they only love each other. I dont see how he can help it; and I do believe he would if the rest of us were out of the way.
As every one was out of the way but herself, Jo began to feel that she ought to dispose of herself with all speed. But where should she go? and burning to lay herself upon the shrine of sisterly devotion, she sat down to settle that point.
Now, the old sofa was a regular patriarch of a sofa,long, broad, well-cushioned, and low; a trifle shabby, as well it might be, for the girls had slept and sprawled on it as babies, fished over the back, rode on the arms, and had menageries under it as children, and rested tired heads, dreamed dreams, and listened to tender talk on it as young women. They all loved it, for it was a family refuge, and one corner had always been Jos favorite lounging-place. Among the many pillows that adorned the venerable couch was one, hard, round, covered with prickly horsehair, and furnished with a knobby button at each end; this repulsive pillow was her especial property, being used as a weapon of defence, a barricade, or a stern preventive of too much slumber.
Laurie knew this pillow well, and had cause to regard it with deep aversion, having been unmercifully pummelled with it in former days when romping was allowed, and now frequently debarred by it from taking the seat he most coveted, next to Jo in the sofa corner. If the sausage as they called it, stood on end, it was a sign that he might approach and repose; but if it lay flat across the sofa, woe to the man, woman, or child who dared disturb it! That evening Jo forgot to barricade her corner, and had not been in her seat five minutes, before a massive form appeared beside her, and, with both arms spread over the sofa-back, both long legs stretched out before him, Laurie exclaimed, with a sigh of satisfaction,
Well, it does look pleasant, but I cant learn how it s done. I ve tried, because one feels awkward in company, not to do as everybody else is doing; but I dont seem to get on, said Jo, forgetting to play Mentor.
I m glad you cant flirt; it s really refreshing to see a sensible, straightforward girl, who can be jolly and kind without making a fool of herself. Between ourselves, Jo, some of the girls I know really do go on at such a rate I m ashamed of them. They dont mean any harm, I m sure; but if they knew how we fellows talked about them afterward, they d mend their ways, I fancy.
They do the same; and, as their tongues are the sharpest, you fellows get the worst of it, for you are as silly as they, every bit. If you behaved properly, they would; but, knowing you like their nonsense, they keep it up, and then you blame them.
Much you know about it, maam, said Laurie, in a superior tone. We dont like romps and flirts, though we may act as if we did sometimes. The pretty, modest girls are never talked about, except respectfully, among gentlemen. Bless your innocent soul! If you could be in my place for a month you d see things that would astonish you a trifle. Upon my word, when I see one of those harum-scarum girls, I always want to say with our friend Cock Robin,
It was impossible to help laughing at the funny conflict between Lauries chivalrous reluctance to speak ill of womankind, and his very natural dislike of the unfeminine folly of which fashionable society showed him many samples. Jo knew that young Laurence was regarded as a most eligible parti by worldly mammas, was much smiled upon by their daughters, and flattered enough by ladies of all ages to make a coxcomb of him; so she watched him rather jealously, fearing he would be spoilt, and rejoiced more than she confessed to find that he still believed in modest girls. Returning suddenly to her admonitory tone, she said, dropping her voice, If you must have a went, Teddy, go and devote yourself to one of the pretty, modest girls whom you do respect, and not waste your time with the silly ones.
Yes, I do; but you d better wait till you are through college, on the whole, and be fitting yourself for the place meantime. You re not half good enough forwell, whoever the modest girl may be, and Jo looked a little queer likewise, for a name had almost escaped her.
Well, you cant; there is nt room. Go and make yourself useful, since you are too big to be ornamental. I thought you hated to be tied to a womans apron-string? retorted Jo, quoting certain rebellious words of his own.
Beth did not answer the first question; but in the dark one hand went involuntarily to her heart, as if the pain were there; with the other she held Jo fast, whispering eagerly, No, no, dont call her, dont tell her. I shall be better soon. Lie down here and poor my head. I ll be quiet, and go to sleep; indeed I will.
Jo obeyed; but as her hand went softly to and fro across Beths hot forehead and wet eyelids, her heart was very full, and she longed to speak. But young as she was, Jo had learned that hearts, like flowers, cannot be rudely handled, but must open naturally; so, though she believed she knew the cause of Beths new pain, she only said, in her tenderest tone, Does anything trouble you, deary?
With her eyes on her work, Jo answered soberly, I want something new; I feel restless, and anxious to be seeing, doing, and learning more than I am. I brood too much over my own small affairs, and need stirring up, so, as I can be spared this winter, I d like to hop a little way, and try my wings.
To New York. I had a bright idea yesterday, and this is it. You know Mrs. Kirke wrote to you for some respectable young person to teach her children and sew. It s rather hard to find just the thing, but I think I should suit if I tried.
It s not exactly going out to service; for Mrs. Kirke is your friend,the kindest soul that ever lived,and would make things pleasant for me, I know. Her family is separate from the rest, and no one knows me there. Dont care if they do; it s honest work, and I m not ashamed of it.
Because, dear, I dont think you suited to one another. As friends you are very happy, and your frequent quarrels soon blow over; but I fear you would both rebel if you were mated for life. You are too much alike and too fond of freedom, not to mention hot tempers and strong wills, to get on happily together, in a relation which needs infinite patience and forbearance, as well as love.
That s just the feeling I had, though I could nt express it. I m glad you think he is only beginning to care for me. It would trouble me sadly to make him unhappy; for I could nt fall in love with the dear old fellow merely out of gratitude, could I?
Ah, Jo, mothers may differ in their management, but the hope is the same in all,the desire to see their children happy. Meg is so, and I am content with her success. You I leave to enjoy your liberty till you tire of it; for only then will you find that there is something sweeter. Amy is my chief care now, but her good sense will help her. For Beth, I indulge no hopes except that she may be well. By the way, she seems brighter this last day or two. Have you spoken to her?
Let us say nothing about it to him till the plan is settled; then I ll run away before he can collect his wits and be tragical. Beth must think I m going to please myself, as I am, for I cant talk about Laurie to her; but she can pet and comfort him after I m gone, and so cure him of this romantic notion. He s been through so many little trials of the sort, he s used to it, and will soon get over his love-lornity.
Jo spoke hopefully, but could not rid herself of the foreboding fear that this little trial would be harder than the others, and that Laurie would not get over his love-lornity as easily as heretofore.
The plan was talked over in a family council, and agreed upon; for Mrs. Kirke gladly accepted Jo, and promised to make a pleasant home for her. The teaching would render her independent; and such leisure as she got might be made profitable by writing, while the new scenes and society would be both useful and agreeable. Jo liked the prospect and was eager to be gone, for the home-nest was growing too narrow for her restless nature and adventurous spirit. When all was settled, with fear and trembling she told Laurie; but to her surprise he took it very quietly. He had been graver than usual of late, but very pleasant; and, when jokingly accused of turning over a new leaf, he answered soberly, So I am; and I mean this one shall stay turned.
Jo was very much relieved that one of his virtuous fits should come on just then, and made her preparations with a lightened heart,for Beth seemed more cheerful,and hoped she was doing the best for all.