| |
| ’T WAS 1 at Commencement tide, so goes the tale, | |
| At Harvard, Dartmouth, Princeton, King’s, or Yale, | |
| A candidate for learning’s prime degree | |
| Proposed this question to the faculty: | |
| “This horse will always from a tan-yard fly, | 5 |
| While that, unmoved, a tan-yard passes by; | |
| Which is the wiser horse, say, learned sirs, | |
| The one that starts, or he that never stirs?” | |
| The question thus proposed and understood, | |
| Pro more solito, debate ensued. * * * * * * | 10 |
| The starting advocates this truth premise: | |
| “That of all excellence below the skies, | |
| Man is the standard; hence, whene’er we find | |
| In beasts or birds strong semblance to mankind, | |
| We count it worth, and are well pleased to see | 15 |
| In instinct aught that apes humanity. | |
| Exempli gratia, who, since time began, | |
| E’er hurt the bird that builds her nest with man? | |
| If Mrs Airy, though involved in debt, | |
| Paid ten bright dollars for a paroquet, | 20 |
| And for a monkey six, the cause we know; | |
| This talk’d, that flutter’d, like her favorite beau— | |
| Yet the same lady loathed the serpent’s form, | |
| And call’d for hartshorn if she saw a worm: | |
| Now to apply this reasoning to our case, | 25 |
| We deem him worthiest of the human race | |
| Who, at the mention of atrocious deeds, | |
| Starts back with horror, and with pity bleeds. | |
| But the vile miscreant, whose supreme delight | |
| Is placed in havoc and in scenes of fight, | 30 |
| Who rudely revels in the house of wo, | |
| We hate, and blush that man can sink so low. | |
| Why starts the steed whene’er a tan-yard’s spied, | |
| But that he sees a brother’s reeking hide? | |
| Here then, they say, a strong resemblance lies, | 35 |
| Ergo, the horse that starts is quasi wise.” * * * * * * | |
| “Ay, but to man and horse this rule extends, | |
| The means must be subservient to the ends. | |
| What ’s the chief end of horse?—his lord to please, | |
| To bear his weight with safety, speed, and ease; | 40 |
| ’T is not to start, to heave, to weep, to whine, | |
| In notes distracted, Methodist, like thine. | |
| Can he be said with safety to convey | |
| His lord, who starts and stumbles by the way? | |
| Doth he with speed transport his master’s weight, | 45 |
| Who stops to start at every tanner’s gate? | |
| And, lastly, where ’s the ease?—at every breath | |
| The rider fears the horse will prove his death; | |
| ’T is plain, the starter deviates from all rule | |
| Of right, and when he deviates, is a fool.” | 50 |
| Thus, sophists, have your arguments been plied, | |
| What now remains but that we should decide? | |
| On due consideration, then, we say, | |
| “He is the wiser horse who fearless speeds his way.” | |
