Verse > Anthologies > T. R. Smith, ed. > Poetica Erotica: A Collection of Rare and Curious Amatory Verse
T. R. Smith, comp.  Poetica Erotica: Rare and Curious Amatory Verse.  1921–22.
The New-married Couple
Roxburghe Ballads
Or, A friendly Debate between the Country Farmer and His Buxom Wife

(Anonymous; from Vol. IV. 1883)

“DEAR Jill, I ne’er thought until last night,
  That Cupid hath yielded such sweet delight;
But when thy soft arms with mine are twined,
  The Ivy the Oak did not closer bind;
Thou gav’st me sweet kisses, that might invite        5
  Ev’n in old shepherds a new delight;
Young Colin did ne’er with Myrtilla so bright,
  Enjoy such a sweet, such a pleasing night.”
“My Ned,” (quoth she) “since I have thee here,
  I will be a port for to please my dear:        10
And in the soft circuit of my pale,
  Feed either upon the high hill or dale.
Graze on my soft lips, if those hills be dry
  Stray further down where fountains lie:
Thy doe, thy fair breeder, will always be nigh,        15
  To please her young wanton with Art and Eye.”
“Thou shalt be a banquet to my taste,
  On which I will always delight to feast;
As sweet as young Colley the farmer’s cow,
  As sweet as the hay in his barn, I vow:        20
As sweet as young roses that all admire,
  Or as May-blossoms upon the briar:
As sweet as blind midnight, with maiden’s desire;
  As sweet as sack-posset by sea-coal fire.”
“Uds boars,” quoth Ned, “I’ll forsake my dumps,        25
  And briskly bestir my old hob-nail stumps;
The lasses shall foot it, the lads shall sing,
  And echoes all round with our joys shall ring.
Doll shall leave dairy, and James brown cow,
  And so shall brisk Roger his cart and plough,        30
To meet us young Nancy and William come now:
  We shall have rare dances and jigs enow.
“Though Bachelors may live merry lives,
  Yet we will not change that have buxom wives.
Upon the soft pillow of their breast        35
  We love-sick lie warm in Cupid’s nest.
What though there be cuckolds, we need not fear,
  Of wives, we always will take such care,
Although the brows bud, we, the horns shan’t wear,
  To make us look noble and like the deer.        40
“If Jill should within the curtains chide,
  My antlers and head in the sheets I’ll hide;
And when my good housewife-pot boils o’er,
  To cool her hot broth I’ll attempt no more.
It is, I confess, the depth of skill        45
  To lead silly women by their own will;
But while her tongue gallops my tongue shall lie still,
  And thus I’ll endeavor to please Jill, Jill.”
“Dear Neddy,” quoth Jill, “name not things so soon,
  With us ’tis but yet our honey-moon.        50
Come, let us to please each other strive,
  And gather like bees within our hive.
Thou must not be like a dull idle drone,
  Nor mind about horns, for thou shalt have none:
But follow thy plow by Dobbin and Roan,        55
  And to my milking I’ll go with Joan.”
“Dear Jill, there are many old complaints;
  All wives that look fair don’t prove all saints;
For many men’s wives are like the moon,
  That alters each morning, each night and noon.        60
Yet for my own part, I will never fear,
  But shall try always to please my dear.
If I can, my wife will hold almost a year:
  This riddle me riddle nine months will clear.”

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