Contents -BIBLIOGRAPHIC RECORD

Bliss Carman, et al., eds. The World’s Best Poetry. 1904.

Poems of Home: III. Fun for Little Folk

Limericks

Edward Lear (1812–1888)

THERE was an Old Man with a nose,

Who said, “If you choose to suppose

That my nose is too long, you are certainly wrong!”

That remarkable Man with a nose.

There was a Young Person of Smyrna,

Whose Grandmother threatened to burn her;

But she seized on the Cat, and said, “Granny, burn that!

You incongruous Old Woman of Smyrna!”

There was an Old Person of Chili,

Whose conduct was painful and silly;

He sate on the stairs, eating apples and pears,

That imprudent Old Person of Chili.

There was an Old Man in a tree,

Who was horribly bored by a Bee;

When they said, “Does it buzz?” he replied, “Yes, it does!

It ’s a regular brute of a Bee.”

There was an Old Man in a boat,

Who said, “I ’m afloat! I ’m afloat!”

When they said, “No, you ain’t!” he was ready to faint,

That unhappy Old Man in a boat.

There was an Old Person of Buda,

Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder,

Till at last with a hammer they silenced his clamor,

By smashing that Person of Buda.

There was an Old Man of Kamschatka,

Who possessed a remarkably fat cur;

His gait and his waddle were held as a model

To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.

There was an Old Man of Aôsta

Who possessed a large Cow, but he lost her;

But they said, “Don’t you see she has run up a tree,

You invidious Old Man of Aôsta?”

There was a Young Lady of Clare,

Who was madly pursued by a Bear;

When she found she was tired, she abruptly expired,

That unfortunate Lady of Clare.

There was an Old Person of Cromer,

Who stood on one leg to read Homer;

When he found he grew stiff, he jumped over the cliff,

Which concluded that Person of Cromer.

There was an Old Man who said, “Well!

Will nobody answer this bell?

I have pulled day and night, till my hair has grown white,

But nobody answers this bell!”

There was an old man of Toulouse,

Who purchased a new pair of shoes;

When they asked, “Are they pleasant?” he said, “Not at present!”

That turbid old man of Toulouse.

There was an Old Man of the Nile,

Who sharpened his nails with a file,

Till he cut off his thumbs, and said calmly, “This comes

Of sharpening one’s nails with a file!”

There was an Old Man of the Dee,

Who was sadly annoyed by a Flea;

When he said, “I will scratch it!” they gave him a hatchet,

Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.

There was an Old Man on some rocks,

Who shut his Wife up in a box:

When she said, “Let me out,” he exclaimed, “Without doubt

You will pass all your life in that box.”

There was an Old Man who said “How

Shall I flee from this horrible Cow?

I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile,

Which may soften the heart of that Cow.”

There was an Old Man who said, “Hush!

I perceive a young bird in this bush!”

When they said, “Is it small?” he replied, “Not at all;

It is four times as big as the bush!”

There was an Old Person of Hurst,

Who drank when he was not athirst;

When they said, “You ’ll grow fatter!” he answered “What matter?”

That globular Person of Hurst.

There was an Old Person whose habits

Induced him to feed upon Rabbits;

When he ’d eaten eighteen, he turned perfectly green,

Upon which he relinquished those habits.

There was an Old Man of the West,

Who wore a pale plum-colored vest;

When they said, “Does it fit?” he replied, “Not a bit!”

That uneasy Old Man of the West.

There was an Old Man of Marseilles,

Whose daughters wore bottle-green veils:

They caught several Fish, which they put in a dish,

And sent to their Pa at Marseilles.

There was a Young Lady of Norway,

Who casually sat in a doorway;

When the door squeezed her flat, she exclaimed, “What of that?”

This courageous Young Lady of Norway.

There was an old Person of Philæ,

Whose conduct was scroobious and wily;

He rushed up a Palm when the weather was calm,

And observed all the ruins of Philæ.

There was once an old man with a beard,

Who said, “It is just as I feared!—

Two Owls and a Hen,

Four Larks and a Wren

Have all built their nests in my beard.”

There was an old person of Ware

Who rode on the back of a bear;

When they said, “Does it trot?”

He said: “Certainly not,

It ’s a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear.”

There was a young lady in blue,

Who said, “Is it you? Is it you?”

When they said, “Yes, it is,” she replied only, “Whizz!”

That ungracious young lady in blue.

There was a young lady of Greenwich,

Whose garments were bordered with Spinach;

But a large spotty Calf bit her shawl quite in half,

Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.

There was an old man, who when little

Fell casually into a kettle;

But, growing too stout, he could never get out,

So he passed all his life in that kettle.