Nonfiction > Lionel Strachey, et al., eds. > The World’s Wit and Humor > American
The World’s Wit and Humor: An Encyclopedia in 15 Volumes.  1906.
Vols. I–V: American
Bessie Brown, M.D.
By Samuel Minturn Peck (1854–1938)
’TWAS April when she came to town;
  The birds had come, the bees were swarming.
Her name, she said, was Doctor Brown:
  I saw at once that she was charming.
She took a cottage tinted green,        5
  Where dewy roses loved to mingle;
And on the door, next day, was seen
  A dainty little shingle.
Her hair was like an amber wreath;
  Her hat was darker, to enhance it.        10
The violet eyes that glowed beneath
  Were brighter than her keenest lancet.
The beauties of her glove and gown
  The sweetest rime would fail to utter.
Ere she had been a day in town        15
  The town was in a flutter.
The gallants viewed her feet and hands,
  And swore they never saw such wee things;
The gossips met in purring bands
  And tore her piecemeal o’er the tea-things.        20
The former drank the Doctor’s health
  With clinking cups, the gay carousers;
The latter watched her door by stealth,
  Just like so many mousers.
But Doctor Bessie went her way        25
  Unmindful of the spiteful cronies,
And drove her buggy every day
  Behind a dashing pair of ponies.
Her flower-like face so bright she bore
  I hoped that time might never wilt her.        30
The way she tripped across the floor
  Was better than a philter.
Her patients thronged the village street;
  Her snowy slate was always quite full.
Some said her bitters tasted sweet,        35
  And some pronounced her pills delightful.
’Twas strange—I knew not what it meant;
  She seemed a nymph from Eldorado;
Where’er she came, where’er she went,
  Grief lost its gloomy shadow.        40
Like all the rest, I, too, grew ill;
  My aching heart there was no quelling.
I tremble at my doctor’s bill—
  And lo! the items still are swelling.
The drugs I’ve drunk you’d weep to hear!        45
  They’ve quite enriched the fair concocter,
And I’m a ruined man, I fear,
  Unless—I wed the Doctor!

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