9-Shooting story (1)

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University of Kansas *

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419

Subject

English

Date

Oct 30, 2023

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docx

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Uploaded by UltraEel3504

J419: News story (Shooting) Directions: Edit the story, paying particular attention to libel and crime details, but also structure and mechanics. While you are reading, think about these questions: ● WHAT is the news? Is it high up in the story? ● WHERE and WHEN did it happen? ● WHO is quoted in the story and what do they have to add? ● What, if any, information is not in the story that should be? ● What, if anything, is in the story that should not be? Then write a headline for the web story, plus a tweet. List any questions you have for the reporter at the end. Note: This story is real and appeared verbatim on a now-defunct local news website. It appears that they simply transcribed the audio of a TV news package, which causes its own problems, but there are also significant problems with the content of the original package. You can check the names and the locations. However, edit the story as if you are on the desk the night it happened. Don’t add in things that were publicized later. Headline, ~60 characters: Eudora man arrested in bar shooting, charged with first-degree murder Tweet (<280 characters): Danny Queen, 36, was arrested in connection with a shooting outside of D-dubs Bar and Grill in Eudora earlier in the week and charged with first-degree murder. The victim, 32-year-old Bo Hopson, received medical care and died the next day. The Eudora Police Department is investigating the town’s first killing (cannot label a death a homicide without previous conviction) of 2017. Late on June 24, an employee was shot to death at D-bubs Bar and Grill, located off Main Street in Eudora. The victim, 32-year-old Bo Hopson, was life-flighted to an area hospital, where he later died. Longtime resident Tom Snyder says he believes alcohol played a factor in the suspect shooting the employee. “If your closing hours are 2 o’clock at night, maybe at 12 o’clock you start noticing people are over-served, that’s responsible ownership,” he said. This quote adds nothing, I would take it out. What sort of authority does Tom Snyder have to comment on this case and whether or not alcohol played a factor?

The suspect, 36-year-old Danny William Queen, was asked to leave the bar after reportedly making lewd comments to the bartender (according to TC-J). Once he left the establishment, things got out of hand, said Eudora Police Chief Bill Edwards. “ There was an altercation outside (what was the altercation and who was it between if the victim was not involved?) the bar not involving the victim and the suspect pulled a weapon from his pocket and fired two shots, striking the victim in the chest and also in the right arm.” Is Queen the suspect? Chief ____ (last name unknown) said Hopson, the victim, wasn’t the one who asked Queen to leave the bar, and he only went outside to check on him. The next morning Eudora authorities were back out at the scene to gather more evidence. Thus far, Queen has been arrested, and the Douglas County district attorney has charged him with one count of first-degree murder and two counts of attempted murder in the first-degree. “Parents don’t want their children over here on the weekend, because bikers are so prevalent,” said Snyder. “We have a situation of a bar, that’s not being respectful of the neighborhood. It’s not being respectful of the people of Eudora.” (This does not at all matter, it adds nothing to the story, and who is Snyder to comment on this? The only part I might leave in is him mentioning that the bar is disrespecting the neighborhood and the people of Eudora ) Eudora is a small community where homicides are mostly unheard of. (Already stated in the first sentence basically). “It’s unfortunate for all. Eudora isn’t a place where we commonly deal with a lot of violence.” (Attribution?) Snyder plans to take his concerns to tonight’s City Commission meeting. (He didn’t make his concerns very clear, what does it have to do with the case being discussed?) After further research, I discovered that Hopson was not a patron, but a bouncer at the bar, which isn’t explicitly mentioned in the article. It would be useful to mention this in/before the sentence where it is said that he simply went outside to check on Queen after he was asked to leave. Other information to be included: what was the confrontation outside that led Hopson to go check on Queen? Who was the other person involved in this? Were they injured? Did they also have a weapon? Are they part of this investigation at all?

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