Attachment Self-Reflection - Dec. 3 @ 4_47 pm

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Colorado Christian University *

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246A

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Psychology

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Feb 20, 2024

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1 Attachment Self-Reflection Valerie Austin Colorado Christian University PSY-246A: Psychology Through the Lifespan Instructor Wolfe December 3, 2023

2 Attachment Self-Reflection In today's fast-paced world, it can be challenging to take the time to reflect on ourselves and our relationships. However, understanding ourselves and how we interact with others is essential for building healthy and fulfilling relationships. As such, I recently took the Attachment Styles and Close Relationships questionnaire and the Relationship Attachment Style Test to gain a deeper understanding of myself and my attachment style. These quizzes provided me with valuable insights into my approach to close relationships, including my level of comfort with emotional intimacy and my tendency towards attachment-related anxiety and avoidance. In this essay, I will discuss my results and reflect on how they have impacted my understanding of myself and my relationships. The outcomes of my Attachment Styles and Close Relationships questionnaire revealed that my score for attachment-related anxiety is 1.67, while my score for attachment-related avoidance is 1.50. The outcome of my relationship attachment style test, measuring my level of comfort with emotional intimacy, showed a score of 87. There is no doubt in my mind that this is an accurate representation of the way I attach myself. Generally speaking, I do not worry about whether my partners are going to reject me, and I am not uncomfortable being emotionally close to other people. These are both characteristics that are consistent with a secure attachment style inside my personality. I also feel my results for Comfort with Emotional Intimacy were an accurate assessment as well. If I scored 87 on a scale measuring comfort with emotional intimacy, it means that having a deep emotional bond with a partner is very important to me. I have likely experienced or am open to experiencing a strong emotional connection with a partner. My comfort and willingness to open up completely to another person can help me develop a strong bond with a partner.

3 It is important for me to keep in mind that not everyone is comfortable participating in emotional closeness; it takes a great deal of bravery to expose oneself to vulnerability. This was something that I actually struggled with at the beginning of my relationship. Nevertheless, my partner remained unwavering and demonstrated to me what it is like to love someone deeply and to devote oneself to them. I know individuals who have had a difficult time opening up to a spouse because they were raised in an atmosphere that discouraged or did not encourage emotional honesty. I feel for them and try to be understanding in the way that they need, because I know it is not easy or comfortable to share their emotions with someone. Early situations, methods of parenting, life experiences, and cultural influences are some of the elements that contribute to the formation of an attachment style. A complex interaction of factors shapes attachment styles. There are a number of elements that can have an effect on attachment style. These aspects include early childhood experiences, parenting style, and overall life events. The course text "Human Development: A Life-Span View" by Kail and Cavanaugh (2019) states that attachment theory contends that a person's early experiences with caregivers influence their attachment style, which can have a long-term impact on their relationships in later life. (pg. 162). For instance, a child who receives care that is both consistent and responsive is more likely to develop a secure attachment style. On the other hand, a child who receives care that is either inconsistent or negligent may develop an attachment style that is insecure. Furthermore, the course material acknowledges that one's life experiences and events can affect one's attachment style. For instance, a painful event such as a divorce or the death of a loved one can cause disruptions in attachment patterns and lead to changes in attachment style. It is also suggested in the book that cultural and societal influences can have an effect on attachment styles. This is due to the fact that different cultures may have different standards and

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4 expectations concerning attachment and emotional expression. I know I am supposed to write about what factors contributed to my attachment style, but everything I read did not relate to me at all. I did not grow up with loving parents or caregivers. I grew up around abusive adults, but somehow I have managed to obtain a secure attachment. When I took the quizzes assigned to us, I did not think of my home growing up, but instead, I thought of the man I am with. Having a secure attachment style has positively influenced my faith and relationship with God. It allows me to feel secure in my relationship with God and to trust in His love and care for me. This sense of security and trust aligns with the characteristics of a secure attachment style and contributes to a strong and fulfilling relationship with God. I have always felt a sense of comfort and security in my relationship with God, and I believe that this is due in part to my secure attachment style. I feel comfortable with emotional intimacy, have a strong sense of self-worth, and am able to trust and rely on others. These qualities also translate into my relationship with God. Feeling secure in my relationship with God means that I can trust in His love and care for me, just as I would trust in the love and care of a secure attachment figure. This sense of security and trust aligns with the characteristics of a secure attachment style, where I feel confident in seeking support and comfort from my attachment figures. In the context of my faith, this means feeling secure in turning to God for guidance, strength, and comfort. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”( NIV Life Application Study Bible , 2019, Proverbs 3:5-6). This secure attachment to God has contributed to a strong and fulfilling relationship with Him. It provides a sense of stability, comfort, and reassurance in the face of life's challenges. Just as a secure attachment style fosters healthy and fulfilling relationships with others, it has also

5 fostered a deep and meaningful connection with God, allowing me to experience His love and presence in a secure and nurturing way.

6 References Kail, R. V., & Cavanaugh, J. C. (2018). Human development: A life-span view (8th ed.). Cengage Learning. NIV Life application study bible (Third ed.). (2019). Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

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