A Futuristic World Where Legalized Murder Is Sanctioned, A Detective Investigates The Death Of A Former Member Of
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In a futuristic world where legalized murder is sanctioned, a detective investigates the death of a former member of a elite group of police.
STORY COMMENTS (on first 30 pages)
THE 11th COMMANDMENT is a sci-fi, action-thriller with some dark comedy. The first 30 pages offer an imaginative and visionary future world. The tone blends serious situations with humor. There’s also a “film noir” style to the script, as well as some comic book-like features.
The opening sets the tone, although the first four pages feel overly written and could be clearer. What is clear is that the man is after something and/or something is after the man.
The introduction of Harry feels refreshing. He’s a character that the audience comes to really like. He’s…show more content… The Cee-Cee Boyd scenes feel very comic-bookish, which doesn’t flow well with the earlier tone. Boyd presents as an exaggerated type character. The purpose of adding a subplot about code books and evading earth is unclear in regards to how this fits with someone killing the elite group of police.
The idea of legalized killing makes for a strong concept. There’s a lot that can be done within this world that allows people to get permits to kill.
There are some other nice visuals such as the cross forming a shadow over the man’s face.
There’s no doubt that the major strength of the first 30 pages is the lead hero, Harry. He’s a really likable guy. There’s something charming about him and cynical. He’s smart and it’s a lot of fun to watch him put the clues at a crime scene together. He shares good chemistry with McEvoy. There are also nice hints to his backstory that creates good conflict between Harry and the other detectives.
McEvoy is another intriguing characters. She’s very likable too. The introduction of McEvoy is strong and she shares good chemistry with Harry.
Her reasons for asking him on the case, however, are not convincing. She hasn’t even started the investigation, so why she would contact him now isn’t clear.
Sabrina feels like she has potential to be a very intriguing character with a secret. She’s a tough waitress and it’s fun to see her stick a fork into “it.”