A Passage Of Roberta M. Gilberts

3. In the latter phases of therapy, adult clients are coached in differentiating themselves from their family of origin, the assumption being that gains in differentiation will automatically flow over into decreased anxiety and greater self-responsibility within the nuclear family system (Penny, 1999 p. 101).

    In their book, Boundaries in Marriage, the authors, Cloud and Townsend, present a theoretical model for maintaining healthy relationships, specifically marriage relationships. This examination of Cloud and Townsend’s approach to maintaining healthy relationships summarizes both the theoretical and theological orientation of their proposed model, compares their approach to the model proposed by Sandra Wilson in her book, Hurt people hurt people, and considers the model in the context of Dr. Hawkins concentric circle theory of personality, and parents a critique with regard to some’ of the perceived strengths and

Nuclear family emotional system is a concept describing four primary relationship patterns of emotional functioning, which are matrimonial conflict, dysfunction in a spouse, impairment in children, and emotional detachment (Haefner, 2014). Family reactions to such are imitations of previous generations, as well as predictors of how future generations will react. The family projective process is when children inherit the strengths and weaknesses of their parents, such as emotional issues (Haefner, 2014). Multigenerational transmission is the progression of family ideals and traditions to multiple generations, which are either supportive or detrimental (Haefner, 2014).

Relationship maintenance involves the actions and activities used to sustain the desired quality of a relationship. (Weiten et al., 2016, p. 257) These actions include being positive, open, assuring, and doing joint activities. Agnew and VanderDrift showed that these actions can be used to promote interdependence and stability or can protect a relationship from threat. (Weiten et al., 2016, p. 257)

In Knapp’s Stages of Relational Development, he explains how relationships grow and last and not only that, but how they end as well. There are ten different stages involved in this particular relationship development; in the first stage, also known as the coming together stage, there are five different key parts which are initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating and bonding. In the other stage, also known as the coming apart stage, there are also five different key parts such as differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding and terminating. There is also a central unit in the middle known as the relational maintenance stage which involves key components from both the coming together stage and the coming apart stage which are integrating, boding, differentiating and circumscribing.

Kerchoff and Davis used their model to do a study on students who had been together for more than or less than 18 months. They were asked to complete questionnaires over 7 months on attitudes and personality of their partners compared to theirs; it was found that this was important in relationships up

Falicov, C.J., & Brudner-White, L. (1983). The shifting family triangle: The issue of cultural and

Watch the classical film Grease and one can understand how relationships function in Western Society. The film tells a story of a boy (Danny) and a girl (Sandy) who falls in love. Through a series of misunderstandings they break up, but still somehow care for each other. Through ballads such as Summer Night’s that are still popular today, the film shows how differently males and females view relationships. Films like Grease are like a mirror, reflecting societal values and how it socializes its members. It makes it clear that in relationships, males are socialized to view relationships as mostly a physical, sexual endeavor, while females view it as a perpetual bond –a deeper connection between the two individuals within a relationship.

Those who are undifferentiated, on the other hand, react emotionally and impetuously. Unable to maintain their own autonomy, they become fused with others in their family. Their emotional patterns are in sync with other members and they have a difficult time separating what they feel from the emotions of the family unit (Kerr & Bowen, 1988).

A well-differentiated self, while acknowledging the importance of family and social groups, can withstand conflict, rejection, and criticism and separate emotionally and intellectually from the family of origin.

In a similar way, just as Bowen sees differentiation in the context of the emotional capacity of the individual, Whitaker also takes an emotional approach when he posits that problems arise when individuals learn to suppress their emotions. As Bowen describes the individual’s struggle to define themselves and stand firmly amidst emotional pressures from others, Whitaker suggests that children can become estranged from themselves by learning to blunt their emotions to avoid criticism from their parents, who end up trying to curb bad behavior by inadvertently controlling or discouraging the child’s emotions (Nichols, 2013). Indeed, perhaps what both theorists are really describing is the struggle to be in touch with oneself and one’s feelings in the midst of pressures from the family unit. In addition, both these theorists address intimacy in their own ways in that the ultimate goal seems to be for individuals to be able to share safe and healthy intimacy with their family unit while maintaining and experiencing their own feelings. However, Whitaker distinguishes himself from the others in that he is less interested in interactional patterns as he is in experiencing and expressing emotions in the present. Though seemingly different in their approaches, it’s possible to make further connections between Haley and Minuchin’s focus on family structure and members’ ability to navigate these systems, and Bowen and Whitaker’s focus on

“Once upon a time”… you know the story, were the prince goes to great lengths to rescue the princess from the witch or the dragon, maybe even some curse, they fall in love and live happily ever after. If only relationships were that simple, and not that sexist, how happy we all would be. However, for those of us that live outside the world of fairy tales, we know how unrealistic this is. In taking the time to look at “real” relationships, we see that they have many complexes; multiple facets that make the relationship begin, continue and even end. Some would argue that relationships are not intricate at all, but in reality, we have lost the value and meaning behind them and so we make them more difficult. That the issue with relationships is

Mark Knapp developed a theoretical model to which identifies the stages of interpersonal relationships which explains how relationships begin and grow, as well as how they deteriorate and end. This model defines ten separate stages of relational development under three different interrelating categories; Coming Together, Relational Maintenance, and Coming Apart. An analysis of a personal relationship through the use of Knapp’s stages of relational development leads to a better understanding of that relationship and our role within it. In this essay I will be analyzing a personal relationship of my own using Knapp’s stages as a guide. However, these stages are subjective to each individual’s unique situation. Therefore, I will only be examining my relationship in the “coming together” stages. Furthermore, it is possible to pass over or amalgamate stages, as these stages are closer to a guide rather than set rules. For this analysis I will be breaking the “coming together” stages into initiating, experimentation and intensifying, integration, and bonding.

Sociological perspectives explains love relationships as not perfect but a working progress. A commitment which relies on continuous maintenance and reassurance. Love relationship practices and investments are configured in experiences that will be shared in the past, present and in the future.

Even though my family is close, we place value on the differentiation of self, a concept developed by Murray Bowen (Hutchison, 2015). Each of the members within the family have unique personalities and methods of living life. Each member in my family has always been encouraged to express one’s own opinion and to be independent. We converse about our conflicting opinions, but we are usually respectful and still support one another.