A Thousand Miles: a Qualitative Research Study on Successful Long Distance Relationships

As a long distance relationship progresses, and couples become more stressed out with studying for exams and keeping up with clubs, they tend to miss each other more than ever. Longing for the comfort and affection of their significant other, couples can bare the distance by scheduling visits to one another. University students scrape by each day just to

I learned from this class that a long distance relationship should have theses four important values like observation, needs, feeling, and request. Since, most of the long distance relationships might not be able to meet frequently,so communication is one of the most significant thing for couples to sustaining their long distance relationships. Furthermore, even if the relationship is not a long distance one still it is very important what both of you value and would like to have a clear picture about the relationship.

Ansari refers to a study called “Geographic Proximity of Partners in 5,000 Marriages, Philadelphia, 1932,” which reveals that 51.94% of people who were married in this study lived within 20 blocks of one another before they began dating, (15). These numbers are just one example Ansari gives to prove his point on just how different dating was in past generations, as roughly half of all people were simply marrying someone within close proximity to them. And it goes deeper than basic proximity. According to C.L Harrington, “Those who monitor trends in marriage, divorce, and intimacy note that the ideal of love in America appears to be undergoing gradual but significant change, and the reasons for it are hard to grasp.” Nowadays, dating is not so easy. With cities becoming so large and the people becoming more specific to their dating preferences, Ansari argues that online dating is becoming more than just a last-ditch option.

Family seems to be a big topic in manys books but even bigger on the web and through cyberspace. Perry Patetic in his excerpt argues that our highly mobile and growing society is creating a lack of relationship with family and friends. The author supports his argument by first explaining how easy it is to just move away. He continues by explaining how far we do travel when we do move away and by what mode of transportation. The authors purpose is to persuade the audience to not travel far from family and stay relatively close so that relationships can be kept, preserved, and maintained. The author establishes a sincere tone for families. The authors argument is invalid because we are in the age of online technology and services that allow us to see family from afar and cherish the few moments that we get in person.

The three prototypes explored are avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, and secure attachments which describes how partners will behave in close relationships and how caring and supportive each individual is within their relationship. Avoidant attached individuals are withdrawn from relationships and untrustworthy of others. Anxious-Ambivalent individuals worry often about their partner’s needs being fulfilled as well as theirs and analyze if they’re moving too fast in the relationship when compared to their partner. Secured individuals are completely trustworthy of their partner and confident in their feelings and

Getting the family together for the holidays may be a little harder when they are 1000 miles apart. Perry Patetic in his passage, claims that it is too easy to move away from the friends and family of our past, this creates a loss in friendship and or relationships. Patetic supports his argument by first explaining why people are able to move so far away. He continues by comparing the differences between a close relationship to a long distance relationship. The authors purpose is to point-out the struggle of a long distance relationship in order to change one’s opinion on the topic. The author displays a sincere tone for the newer generation.

Two clichés: Absence makes the heart grow fonder and Out of sight, out of mind. Which one of these two conflicting views is closer to the reality? As it turns out, it does not really matter that much since long distance relationships (LDR) suffer from exactly the same strengths and weaknesses as proximal relationships. Whether two people are going to have fulfilling relationship does not only depend on their geographical closeness. What matters is quality, not quantity. According to one expert on LDRs, "the majority of studies that have been done show no greater risk of an LDR breaking up than any other relationship (Guldner, 2004, p. 6)." An LDR relationship has the same likelihood of

People tend to stray away from long distance relationships because it’s difficult to stay together when you’re far apart. People can now strengthen their long distance relationship through social media. It is easier to stay connected and you can even talk to one another every day. Another example is with people you might not see every day. I still keep in good contact with my exchange partner from Germany using Facebook and WhatsApp. We haven’t seen each other for a whole year now and we still speak as if neither of us left each other’s

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

Forming close relationships is the most important thing humans do. Our entire lives are made up of the successful efforts and the not so successful attempts. The most unique and tricky type of relationship to form and maintain is the romantic relationship. In the chapter, Relationship Connection, Harvey and Pauwels give us an in depth analysis of a tool that can help romantic couples maintain and increase closeness. This idea is called minding the relationship or minding. Minding, according to Harvey and Pauwels, is the “reciprocal knowing process that occurs nonstop throughout the history of the relationship and that involves a complex package of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors”.

As I said before, we got to spend very little physical time with each other, so the little time we are physically side by side leads us to the sixth step which is “passion” or the physical/emotional affection. We share our love when we are together. The seventh step is “disengagement” that is ending the relationship. Through the year and a half, we have been dating we have broken up a couple of times, this is due to the fact that our relationship is ten times more difficult than a normal one. We sometimes feel the emptiness that distance causes in our relationship and this is something that we can’t avoid or eliminate living six hours away from each other. This is related to the tenth step that is “negative physic change”, when we realized the negative outlook or the negative part of our relationship which made us fall apart.

Sociological perspectives explains love relationships as not perfect but a working progress. A commitment which relies on continuous maintenance and reassurance. Love relationship practices and investments are configured in experiences that will be shared in the past, present and in the future.

The second half of the relational model is called the “coming apart” stages, which consists of: differentiating, circumscribing, stagnating, avoiding, and lastly terminating. During the differentiating stage the relationship will start to be more individual, it will start to fade and the bond will be broken. After that comes the circumscribing stage during which the individuals won’t communicate because of the fear of starting an argument. The stage where relationships never improve or continue is called stagnating. After this point the individuals enter the avoiding stage, where the avoid any physical contact

[Long distance relationships are very risky, does not mean it is impossible. Simple change of your lifestyle and attitude can help you to have a happy ever after. In fact, the biggest challenge for couples is less chances to see each other. To strengthen your relationship, let’s begin with creating trust with your partner.]

With the right amount of care, preservation, and maintenance, relationships thrive. To build a lasting relationship that will not end in divorce, you need to be sure that the divorce option is off the table. Through age and experience, people change, but the respect and honor you have for your partner must remain consistent (Parker np). Maintaining communication with your partner may seem difficult when undergoing hardship, but being open with each other and communicating without interruption for 30 minutes a day will stabilize your relationship (Parker np). In marriage, fights are inevitable, but holding grudges is detrimental, so forgive your partner easily (Parker np). Money can be a major factor in divorce and separation. Financing with your partner and agreeing on a budget will assist both of you in living within your means (Parker np). When tuning up your car, a spark will be back in your daily driving, and applying this to your relationships is beneficial. Keep the spark between you and your partner to establish love for each other (Parker np). Small chores or nice gestures will keep the spark of a relationship alive and well. Relationships do require an abundance of work to keep running, but are manageable through basic care.