An Epidemic of Gross Proportions: American Obesity Essay

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An Epidemic of Gross Proportions KRAKOW, POLAND- According to an alarming new study published Friday by the Federation of Abnormalities in Thickness, the percentage of obese Americans over the age of twenty has just hit 40%. This growing obesity epidemic has been called one of the heaviest issues in modern day society. "I don't understand why those in rich, developed nations like the US or the UK get to gorge themselves with lavish delicacies every day, while in Eastern civilizations, people are forcing dirt down their throat simply to survive." said Winnie Woltrap, celebrity spokesperson for FAT. "So why is food still being handed to the already obese Americans while the millions of starving people in Africa have bellies full of worms?"…show more content…
"As per the law of conservation of energy, we can simply and humanely convert the horizontally gifted into the energy that powers our homes and runs our cars." he concluded. His plan is simple; put the people in a furnace, convert them to steam energy, and store for future use. He plans to locate these furnaces in the heart of each major city, adorned with golden arches and topped with a sign reading 'Free Big Macs - Today Only'. "No obese man can turn down the promising enjoyment of a hard earned free burger." Hiolf chuckles. "Upon entering, the customers will be instantly and painlessly vaporized, providing free energy for all to enjoy." But how much energy can a lethargic being (often found cemented to the couch, consumed by the Walking Dead) possibly provide? "The average obese man weighs a modest three hundred pounds, or one hundred and fifty million calories, providing four thousand four hundred kilojoules of energy." said Joseph Mangel, consulting environmental scientist for the Hiolf campaign. "Now consider that the average

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