Analysis: The Biglyist Modest Proposal

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Breitman 1
Stephen Breitman
Kathleen Martin
ENC 1102 Section 61
23 January 2017
The Biglyist Modest Proposal
America today is a pathetic ghost of its former self. The threat of economic collapse due to a steadily dwindling middle class, the rapid loss of jobs to China, and impending invasion of clearly malicious illegal immigrants has our great nation teetering on the brink of absolute destruction. Fortunately, there is an easy, albeit somewhat slow, solution to everything, but, because this solution is incredibly simple, it has been overlooked by some of the greatest thinkers of this era. Several of America's key issues could be remedied by the immediate and total removal of comprehensive sex education in public schools. Before attempting
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Many companies have started manufacturing their products in China because of how much more efficient a Chinese worker is when compared to an American one. According to the
United States Department of Labor, the federal minimum wage is $7.25 per hour; after working forty hours in one week, an employee must be given overtime pay, and children ages fourteen

Breitman 3 through seventeen are allowed to have jobs but there are an immense amount of restrictions placed upon them. In China, minimum wage ranges from $1.38/hr to $2.83/hr (9.5 to 19.5 Yuan)
(China Minimum Wage), workers take thirteen hour shifts with one day off per year and no overtime pay (Facing Finance), and 11,575,000 children, between ten and fourteen, work without restriction (Youth). In China, workers must be desperate to accept such terrible conditions, and, fortunately for America, a huge group of unemployed uber-desperate workers has just been created in our post-comprehensive-sex-ed world. Making the federal minimum wage lower than
China’s, removing the concept of overtime, and eliminating child labor laws could make
America the new manufacturing capital of the world. Unfortunately, there is no time
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There is a veritable molehill of problems created by Mexico, all of which could potentially be solved due to our now larger population and more lax labor laws. The Department of Homeland Security estimates that, in January of 2012, there were 11.4 million illegal immigrants in the United States. With a sudden influx of cheap labor, it would be child's play to put together an anti-immigrant task force, but there is an even cheaper solution. Currently, according to the United States Census Bureau, there are 318.9 million people living the the U.S. today. As this number could potentially double after the second baby boom created through teen pregnancy, it would be easier and more economical to put a small bounty on each illegal immigrant, allowing the now forlorn population to sort the problem out. This would save the government the trouble of organizing, training, financing, and commanding a task force while only costing a fraction of the price. Once these monstrous individuals from around the world are caught, every last one will be deported to Mexico where the can be kept at bay with a completely impenetrable wall. Donald Trump, henceforth known as Agent Orange, already has plans
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