Analyzing Van Gogh's Suicide

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I know if I act like this again it will bothered you, perhaps this will also make you more keep the distance with me but I also don't know how to hide it because trying to lie to myself is more painful. I've been trying not to think about you, but I can't. I feel like an idiot at this time, don't know what to do. I know it will make nonsense for you. You now that I still have high hopes, but I'm really desperate with this problem, it made me depressed, my insomnia getting worse each days. I think its all my faults and I deserves for this. I think Van Gogh are right, he said that "Sadness will last forever" in his suicide letter. May be this is my faults not treat you well and I'm sorry for that. But I'm glad if you're happy now, I'm glad if
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