Atonement By Bret Lott's Struggle With His Children

| * “police” situations with other children, emphasising rules * Consequence of actions awareness * Thoughtfulness increased

In Conflict Resolution by Bev Bos, the author speaks to parents of all income levels. She explains how parents many times convey anger and disappointment to children instead of encouragement and that they often treat children in ways that they would never treat their peers. Bos tells the audience that children want nothing but to please their parents and do the right thing. It’s like dogs only wish

Situation such as these can leave the children mistrusting of adults, and in a state of fight or psychological flight in order for the children to maintain their survival (Perry, 2004).

Phrases such as “You are an idiot!” or “Why can’t you be like the other kids?” impact a young child’s brain. Even symbolic aggression such as a slamming door or the silent treatment can affect a child who’s already been abused. The more a child experiences these events, the more of this kind of behavior is planted into their brain. Over the course the child’s life, everything they’ve ever witnessed or experienced, has planted a “seed” in their brain. The more recurring the events get , the more fertilized that “seed” becomes; it becomes easier to grow and take root. Around the ages of ten through fifteen, the connections in the brain, or “seeds”, are put to the test. What they experience in that five year range will grow some seeds more than others, and let others die out. It is at this point in the child’s life that is most crucial to influence them down the right path and try to “prune” away the bad seeds and encourage the better ones. To do this though, people must first recognize the signs of sociopathy in a child early on to start taking precautionary measures.

Children are at a higher risk of becoming emotionally unstable when they are continuously being pushed, and left with little to no comfort, while being degraded by a parent.

Another reason children can act out is that the child does not know how to draw their parents’ attention to them other than misbehaving. Some parents do not give their child enough attention and love. I believe this misbehavior can be a sort of revenge for the child, because they are not getting the attention that the child wants which causes the child to try to make their parents feel bad for not giving them the adequate attention. The resolution here might be to try giving the child what they are craving for: comfort, love, care, and attention.

But that is not always the case. A number of parents are unable to provide for their families as they wish they could. So they start to feeling little frustrated and can harm their child if they are crying, act up or just getting on their nerves . This kind of situation it called physical and psychological abuse. Do to the fact that parents may tell their children whatever happen inside the house stay in the house. For example, some children can isolate themselves from friends, neighbors and family members because they are afraid of what their parents would do to them, if somebody knows about the condition they are living

As stated, children completely develop and become who they are early in life. Therefore, any major events, or off circumstances can permanently affect their personality. The environment at home is very important in a child’s upbringing. Therefore, if abuse is factored into this environment then negative results can occur. The book Family Violence by Debra Goldentyler focuses on various forms of abuse and its affects. One form of abuse commonly overlooked is verbal abuse. It is easy to lash out on children due to stress or other problems. However, this eventually can result in repetitive episodes of verbal abuse. Since children become so emotionally attached and dependent on their parents at such an early age, any negative thing a parent says

Spanking gives children a kind of fear towards their parents because they bear in mind that if something is wrong, they will automatically be punished, and this can be a burden they will carry into adulthood. This lack of faith can sometimes lead to a certain kind of introverted behavior in some children because their parents used to hit them when they say something wrong in front of their friends. And this can be of greater impact on the child’s mental health. Instead, as an alternative to spanking, parents can choose to talk to their children, have an open dialogue where they can teach them right from wrong without shouting or hitting.

Children are vulnerable. Children are not born with a boundary system and must depend on their parents to guide and protect them, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. A caregiver can protect them by respecting their rights to their feelings, their own bodies, and behaviors by leading them to dealing with reality more functionally. A caregiver's boundaries protect all parts of their children’s reality until they develop their own boundaries. They do not attack their children physically, sexually, intellectually, emotionally, and behaviorally. When parents punish a child by attacking her in one or more of these ways, it causes more damage to a child psychologically than it can physically affecting them for the rest of their lives.

When parents have had a hard day, whether due to work, family, or other persons or events, they tend to lash out without a thought at the misbehaving child. The parent lets his or her anger build up, unable to release it toward the appropriate situation he or she is actually frustrated with. "It's so easy to get caught up in their moment of frenzy. It's hard to stand

Children enter the world as part of preexisting systems. They enter parental systems and families that already have rules, roles and boundaries, and more are made as children grow and the family develops. These transitions can be confusing and challenging for all members involved leading to feelings of fear, anger and even helplessness. Members within the family

Usually after a child has endured a dramatic moment in their life that could have a negative impact on them they are immediately placed into therapy. Therapy is supposed to help the child deal with the trauma from their past without pretending like it never happened. However, children differ from adults; meaning that therapist must develop different tactics in order to get into the mind of a child and understand how children think. “It is estimated that seventy percent of school-age children from low socioeconomic areas have witnessed assaults, arrests, drug deals, gang violence, shootings, and domestic violence” (Skybo 263). Emotional and behavioral changes seen in children are usually caused by child abuse. Negative behaviors that can be seen are acting out using aggression, delinquency, poor academic performances, and physical violence towards others.

That is how children operate and act. From what I have seen, parents try to ignore or appease their children to temporarily halt this behavior. When a child is acting in this sort of way, parents shouldn’t ask them to stop or appease them; they should yank that kid over and give him or her some bruises. “Once you begin hitting the child who is pushing your buttons, you will experience enormous relief. And that pleasant relief can drive you to hit even more, even harder,” says Denise Cummins, a PHD, psychiatrist, author, and parent. By hitting children, you aren’t just disciplining them, you are also allowing yourself to take out all of your negative emotions such as anger. It is truly a win-win situation: you discipline your child and feel better afterwards. Even a certified PHS and psychologist would admit that. As someone who writes books about parenting and has a PHD, Dr. Cummins clearly knows what she is talking about when she discusses the emotional benefits of hitting your children.

It takes the lead and gives orders. Teachers and coaches tend to use their parent voice when disciplining their students. This very much offends the student who is already using his parenting voice. The hurt teenager doesn’t want to be parented, that is unfamiliar to him. Parents are never helpful and never know what is going on anyway. When the teen is already a parent in some way, this causes him to be very angry. This causes fear in the student. Hence the student responds by using either his parent voice or his child voice. When the student uses his parent voice in this situation, he is seen as being disrespectful and gets in trouble. If he student uses his child voice, he or she will feel helpless and therefore at the mercy of the adult. Most often teens will use their parent voice because it is less frightening than feeling helpless. It is part of the false self. This is also a coping mechanism. Because resources are limited in poverty, there is no room to practice negotiation, which is the adult