Essay on Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

The parent allows the child to regulate his or herself as much as possible and if expectations are not met punishments rarely follow. Also the little rules and regulation as well as everything else is thoroughly explained and discussed with the child. Overall if the child disagrees, he/she is often accommodated and given what they want (Dewar, 2014). Located roughly in the middle of these two styles lies authoritative parenting. Authoritative parenting is an even balance of authoritarian and permissive. Authoritative styles have many rules and regulations and overall expectations of the child. Typically, the rules are discussed with the child and if believed to be fair, are negotiable. If expectations have not been met, the child will be spoken to and have the situation explained on how to improve for future events (Gwen Dewar, 2014). Punishments do exist in this style but rather than making the child fear them, they are given punishments to “remember and learn”. As opposed to authoritarians’ the child will be allowed to state his opinion and is given the opportunity to question things.

“In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that ‘stressing academic success is not good for children’ or that ‘parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.’ By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be ‘the best’ students, that ‘academic achievement reflects successful parenting,’ and that if children did not excel at school then there was ‘a problem’ and parents ‘were not doing their job.’ … Chinese parents spend approximately ten times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are

Parenting styles differ from generations, as well as, from different countries across the world. When two different cultures collide, that leaves parents in a limbo in trying to decide what parenting technique would be the most beneficial for future offspring. Amy Chua, a Yale Law School graduate of Chinese descent, wrote a story about the details of her and her husbands’ choice in how to parent their children. The book is entitled “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” which she proclaims that “Chinese parents are better at raising children than westerners”. At creation of this book, Chua has received an enormous amount of feedback, mostly negative. However, the article “Amy Chua is a Wimp” written by author David Brooks, offers a different take on Chuas’ book. Which leaves everyone wondering what really is the best way to set up the next generation to reach their highest potential.

While developmental experts agree that rules and boundaries are important for children to have, most believe that authoritarian parenting is too punitive and lacks the warmth, unconditional love and nurturing that children need.

The authoritarian parenting style is a style in which the parent has the only say. This parenting style “is based on obedience and the expectation of a child obeying without an explanation required” (McMillian). Authoritarian parents are more likely to discipline their children. Children of authoritarian parents don’t often get

Authoritarian parents hold their children to an exceedingly high level of status and success. In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure in following rules typically results in

Authoritarian parents normally do not interact with their children in positive ways and usually install fear into the child. Punishment is usually harsh and given without explanation. Children with authoritarian parents are often anxiety- ridden. Studies have shown that these children have lower self- esteem, show high aggressiveness and typically do less well in school. Permissive parenting consists of high nurture and acceptance, but these parents lack structure and control. These parents look at their children as “free spirits” who need space to learn and grow. Permissive parents are usually inconsistent with discipline. Children with permissive parents normally are impulsive and irresponsible. These children also lack any self- control since none was expected (Sclafani 47).

Thesis: The authoritative parenting style is the most effective style for producing children that have desirable traits, such as good morals, obedience, compassion and responsibility.

Authoritative parents “set standards, but also give their child choices. They recognize the good things that their child does, but they do not overlook the bad things. These parents are more confident and nurturing. They set standards that their child can meet. Usually, this type of parenting leads to a positive self-image in the child (Black, 2008). Permissive parents “do not control their children, it is more like the other way around. There is no discipline, and the child grows up knowing they can get whatever they want. When the parent does try to discipline, the child doesn't take it seriously. These parents give in easily and avoid confrontation whenever possible” (Black, 2008). In general American parents raise their children to have an individual personality, and to be independent from a very young age. “Firm disciplines are directed toward the infant and these are gradually relaxed as the child grows” (Suzuki, 2000).

Authoritarian is only one of three parenting styles that Baumrind details. The other two styles include authoritative and permissive. These two variations in parenting styles were seen in the way my relatives and friends’ parents approached parenting. I observed how the parents of my close friend handled parenting. They maintained control over aspects in my friend’s life like school and chores but allowed the freedom to make decisions in areas of social activities. The most striking difference between my parents and my friend’s is the use of reasoning and the expression of warmth. Her parents provided justification behind their commands and or punishments while maintaining a sense of love and affection. The bond and love that is evident between my friend and her parents is not as strong in the relationship between my parents and me. The style that her parents exhibit is known as authoritative because of their focus on some parental control, use of reasoning and warmth. While on the other hand, my cousins raised their children in a completely different manor using a permissive parenting style. While they provide obvious love and affection towards their children, they fail to exert control and regulations. They did not have any real sense of rules in their household. Their children tend to act and do whatever they wanted with little to no repercussions.

In my recent psychology class we studied parenting styles. They are grouped into three different categories; authoritarian, authoritative, and overly permissive. This gave me insight into a couple of different programs I’ve watched on television.Authoritarian parents are parents that set strict rules to keep order and they usually do this without much expression of warmth and affection. “They demand obedience to authority.” (Coon & Mitterer, 2010, p. 91) When the child questions the parent, "Because I said so," is often the response. Parents tend to focus on bad behavior, and not positive behavior, and children are scolded or punished for not after the rules. Authoritative parents help their children learn to be responsible for

There is many questions on how to parent a child in order to help them be successful in life. Although parenting style various greatly, most all parents put into practice what regulations in which they think will help their child succeed in life. Some parents, known as Chinese parents are extremely strict, and on the other end of the spectrum there is western parents, who do not expect as much from their child. In Amy Chua’s “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom,” Chua explains what it is like to have Chinese parenting techniques. She attempts to justify the struggles, beliefs, and methods of Chinese parents, as compared to western parents, and how they both have the end goal - to prepare their child to succeed in life.

The primary focal point of the authoritarian style is on respect rather than parent-child relationships. Authoritarian parents are known for being strict. They lay out rules and expect their children to follow them without question, even if the child has a valid reason for questioning a decision. They establish many rules for the household and leave little or no room for negotiation on policies. Authoritarian parents also fail to explain why the rules exist because they believe that, as the parent, they are the authority on all decisions and shouldn’t be questioned.

The authoritative parenting style is the “In between,” of both the authoritarian and permissive parenting styles, and has a “Give and take approach.” Authoritative parents are very involved in their children’s lives: children help around the home and in decision-making processes, and homework is supervised. This approach to parenting raises children who are responsible, well behaved in school, have a high self-esteem, and good problem solving skills along with decision making skills. The authoritative approach to parenting has very positive effects on children’s lives presently, and in the future. (Marsiglia, C.,Walczyk, J., Buboltz, W., Ross, D. 2007).

I think it is safe to assume that many parents have good intentions when raising their children and they want to implement a parenting technique that helps their kids develop healthily and normally. My parents did their best to develop an authoritative parenting style, however, because of their individual unique family backgrounds and the influence of their own parents, they integrated authoritarian elements into their parenting techniques, not always intentionally.