I like being helpful. I've gone out of my way to help friends and, one #time, I actually got up at 4 AM, to attend a 6AM meeting, all to help a teacher I worked with.
Problem is, once you start helping folk, they start expecting you to be available - and that sucks. You start feeling more like a piece of meat being fought over by competing vampire clans or something. Worse yet, people start lending you out with "oh she'll be happy to come over to help you".
You end up thinking "when did I stop being a helpful friend (or colleague) and start being a voiceless tool?"
It can be irritating, humiliating and insulting. Worst of all, it eats your self-esteem, unless you can make a game of finding ways to refuse being used without saying the word
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Just list tasks you've put off. Use this variation on "today's not your day, and tomorrow isn't looking too good, either".
"I did x for you on (insert time or date). I'm working on (insert project) for (insert role). Unfortunately, you'll have to wait until I can clear my list." They'll then ask how long you think it will take, and that's when you say you have no clue...it could take a couple of months.
Honesty with an Ego Bruising
Sometimes you can't easily finesse a refusal. Not a fun moment, but sometimes you have to get serious. When that happens, a heartfelt statement may be your best bet. Your honesty, spoken with all the kindness in the world, will probably still hurt their feelings, a bit. Just remember that you have every right to put your needs first when a charming user tries to make you feel guilty, or cruel.
A good phrase? "I had to stop doing favors like (insert the favor being asked), because it left me depressed for weeks (or months) afterwards..."
It won't be too far from the truth. Putting your needs second to theirs has left your self-esteem battered. Adding "I hope you'll understand" may ease the sting of your honesty, but may also let them off the hook,which you may not want...just
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Try telling them you already have 3 to 50 other tasks, events or goals in the works, then ask when they suggest you insert their favor. Letting them join the heavy lift may open their eyes. Also, each suggestion they make is an opportunity for you to launch a soliloquy on the virtues surrounding your current goals and scheduling habits.
I know that's slightly demonic but....
time spent doing this can encourage them to think, and hopefully consider your feelings, before asking for future favors. If they believe they may have to go through the whole exercise each time they ask a favor of you, they might stop, or at least trim their expectations.
Extreme users ask for favors that you normally get paid for. My sons ran into this problem several years ago.
My sons are geniuses when it comes to anything with an engine or motor. One modified a standard remote control car, making into a low rider complete with hydraulic-like shocks and switches, years before commercial versions hit the market. He was in middle school at the time. Just this year, his brother built a Harley by buying parts online, cleaning and reconditioning them, then piecing the bike together in his garage...and the bike
While I am sure you have ample supply of both patience and diligence, even the best of us can be a bit impatient at times and
For his blood lust towards me was not enough for me publicly embarrassing on the forums, Slowbro proposed that I was a banned user. I was shocked and denied, I wish for them to talk
If I often asked other people for assistance i would be more comfortable and ask more.
I think that maybe, if I help them, that they would want to help other people too. One of my tasks
many ways to approach this as you can do the same and insult them or
However offering someone a helping hand in a
have said "Oh that's easy" or "I could do that any day!" and then find out that
*******In my opinion, the acceptable way to handle this situation is to be empathic. Empathy is being able
Also interrupting them while they are speaking to you could have a negative effect on the relationship with that person and the situation.
What "others can do for you" is about your willingness and ability to delegate. Remember, developing your people to take responsibility will provide you with more discretionary time to devote to other
I have always enjoyed helping people out. In my school they have a club called National Honors Society. This club gives people more of an opportunity to do community service hours. Everyone is required to complete fifteen hours a year. Last year I completed over twenty five hours of community service. Every time I saw I had an opportunity I would take it. I don't see those fifteen hour requirements as the only way to be and stay in this club; I see it as an opening to be able to help my community all for a return of a smile. People need to see that there are others just like me, who are willing to help, and want the best for others, for nothing in return. I have never known why it is that helping others when they are needed makes me feel happy. In a way, it's one of my happiness's. I know what it's like to have a need and to not have anyone around to help. I am the kind of person who doesn't want others to feel that way, at least not all the time. I know every day someone has a need of some kind and they can't do anything about it. That's what people like me are for, to help out even if it's just every once in a while. Events all around constantly need help setting things up or just need a little help. All the help people can get is always good enough. I am taking responsibility to help people see that not everyone is selfish, not everyone takes advantage of things. I am always grateful to be able to give my time to my community, my people. America needs more people who are willing to give. Donations can be made to hospitals or orphanages. I do community service and projects now, they may be little, but I know they still matter. In my future, I see myself to continue my route, possibly even creating bigger community projects. Because America can only focus on so much, people like me are able to take care of the rest of the
Service to others has always been important to me. I'm a product of Jesuit education going back to high school, so I grew up with an understanding of the value of serving others, and the positive impact it can have on the lives we touch. In my experience, I have always been happiest when I have tended to another's needs ahead of my own. I have no better example of this than in my work with the North Carolina Central University (NCCU) Campus Recreation Program through volunteering.
Yes, I know it is hard. It is hard because there is no “right thing to do” in the situation. “Oppression is a room full of wrong answers.” I know. You want to be nice, but being nice seems to attract unwanted attraction. I know you just
When I am at best, I help people. I motivate myself and feel motivated when I get to help others. Whether it’s a stranger, colleague, friends, or family, I feel my passion in assisting those in need. As long as it’s within my capability and moral belief that what people ask for help is ethical and legal, I give them my attention and time. I feel happy that I am able to give a hand, and I feel happy to see people become happy with the help I give them. Helping others put smiles on my face and also on them as well. I feel proud of myself that I have the power to help the
We cannot know everything, and we can all benefit from mutual helping relationships. I may need someone to explain something discussed in Psychology class today and that person may need the favor returned for English. Working together and helping others is important in almost every area of life. I do not need to feel ashamed for reaching out first.