preview

Being Helpful Research Paper

Decent Essays
Open Document

I like being helpful. I've gone out of my way to help friends and, one #time, I actually got up at 4 AM, to attend a 6AM meeting, all to help a teacher I worked with.

Problem is, once you start helping folk, they start expecting you to be available - and that sucks. You start feeling more like a piece of meat being fought over by competing vampire clans or something. Worse yet, people start lending you out with "oh she'll be happy to come over to help you".

You end up thinking "when did I stop being a helpful friend (or colleague) and start being a voiceless tool?"

It can be irritating, humiliating and insulting. Worst of all, it eats your self-esteem, unless you can make a game of finding ways to refuse being used without saying the word …show more content…

Just list tasks you've put off. Use this variation on "today's not your day, and tomorrow isn't looking too good, either".

"I did x for you on (insert time or date). I'm working on (insert project) for (insert role). Unfortunately, you'll have to wait until I can clear my list." They'll then ask how long you think it will take, and that's when you say you have no clue...it could take a couple of months.

Honesty with an Ego Bruising

Sometimes you can't easily finesse a refusal. Not a fun moment, but sometimes you have to get serious. When that happens, a heartfelt statement may be your best bet. Your honesty, spoken with all the kindness in the world, will probably still hurt their feelings, a bit. Just remember that you have every right to put your needs first when a charming user tries to make you feel guilty, or cruel.

A good phrase? "I had to stop doing favors like (insert the favor being asked), because it left me depressed for weeks (or months) afterwards..."

It won't be too far from the truth. Putting your needs second to theirs has left your self-esteem battered. Adding "I hope you'll understand" may ease the sting of your honesty, but may also let them off the hook,which you may not want...just …show more content…

Try telling them you already have 3 to 50 other tasks, events or goals in the works, then ask when they suggest you insert their favor. Letting them join the heavy lift may open their eyes. Also, each suggestion they make is an opportunity for you to launch a soliloquy on the virtues surrounding your current goals and scheduling habits.

I know that's slightly demonic but....

time spent doing this can encourage them to think, and hopefully consider your feelings, before asking for future favors. If they believe they may have to go through the whole exercise each time they ask a favor of you, they might stop, or at least trim their expectations.

Extreme users ask for favors that you normally get paid for. My sons ran into this problem several years ago.

My sons are geniuses when it comes to anything with an engine or motor. One modified a standard remote control car, making into a low rider complete with hydraulic-like shocks and switches, years before commercial versions hit the market. He was in middle school at the time. Just this year, his brother built a Harley by buying parts online, cleaning and reconditioning them, then piecing the bike together in his garage...and the bike

Get Access