Book 2: Chapter 27 © *Zach’s POV* It had been a long but great week since the end of the youth

Although I spent most of the morning and afternoon engaged with schoolwork, it was impossible not to feel a growing excitement. The event at the Temple was an emotional milestone – not only for the installation itself (which made both local and nationwide news) but for my own return, as I hadn’t been back for a year. Few knew I would be there, so my arrival was met by surprise and heartfelt fondness. Each individual meeting with friends, acquaintances and clergy came accompanied by deep emotional tugs. Indeed, by the time I could talk to the now-senior rabbi I was nearly at a loss for coherent speech. (That was okay, though; her smile told me she understood everything I was not saying). I wanted to talk more, have another coffee with each and every old friend, stay swimming within these powerful and powerfully emotional eddies and currents.

"No!" Mabel exclaimed, immediately beginning to sweat. "What? Who told you?! They're a liar! A LIAR!"

I spend the entire afternoon doing my hair and nails. Also, looking for the best outfit in order to impress. I chose to wear a short black skirt, pink shirt and black high heels.

“Then we’re not allowed to tell you!” The girl widened her eyes, interrupting Joy. “It’s against the law.”

Another thing that struck me is that Chaplain Tanya did not keep notes. I marveled at how she was able to keep information straight. For me, I can barely remember what I did two days ago. In reflecting on the notion that I may have to “remember” tons of, I started to feel anxious and I was on the verge of doing what I do best – talk myself out of becoming a caregiver. Chaplain Tanya assured me that when the time came for me to walk in my vocation, I would know how to prioritize. Although I am not completely convinced that she is right, I remain excited about this journey that I am on and I look forward to what’s

“Hey, just remember that I’m new here, too,” He whispered in my ear. “You don’t have to feel alone.” After the pastor introduced his parents, they came to sit with us, as well. Music started to play. I sort of zoned out until a certain song started to play-- the one I heard in the car. As I started to really pay attention to the meaning, I started to cry. For the first time in my whole life, I got on my knees, and prayed. I felt like there was this unhuman like presence surrounding me. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I asked if I could somehow have that love that every one of these people seem to have. I asked that if there was truly a God to lift all my burdens off of my chest and to forgive me. I felt like someone was speaking to me because of the next song’s second verse and chorus.

Praise! God for a lovely and wonderful well spended time in solitude and silence with him. Forcing on what a great time it was now looking around my master bedroom you would think that I was still on a retreat in a solitude mode of state. My luggage?s is still pack books I don?t want to let go of is separate all over my dresser ,perhaps I didn?t get enough of that solitude at the retreat. I also recognized that it do not have to come to an end no matter where I might be at the moment. Never the less I must move forward in my spiritual journey. My luggages will be fine where it?s located and the books are the same.

“Oh, come on. Obviously there is something bugging you and it won’t help if you keep it all to yourself.”

“It doesn’t look to me like you were doing that,” Linda said defensively. She looked serious and Lily bought the lie.

“No just tell me? I need to know the whole truth. I don’t care if it’s bad.”

Natasha sighed and shook her head, “You know, for a twenty-five-year-old assassin, you act a lot like a child sometimes.”

My conundrum that summer day was, the church and my place in it. Even though, I was a happier and stronger version of myself, the church folk could not see the change. I was my most authentic self, having passed through through my dark night of the soul. However, the dilemma was, they could not see Me. They had only experienced the constrained, restrained me. I could not see my way forward as I chased the what if and If only thoughts. “What if I had been more…. or If only I had been less…”

"It's fine. We're back together now, right? That's what matters," he said. I nodded in agreement. I was a little surprised he was brushing it off so easily. With anyone else, he would have chewed them out for it. I was grateful for the reaction, of course, but considering the recent revelation, my thoughts drifted to reasons of the change.

"Oh, surely your mother wouldn 't think that you are hanging with your boyfriend..." Lucy, the blond girl said mockingly.

"Because I just want to go to a different store for that," Kate replied and I rolled my eyes.