Book Review: Why Dont We Listen Better

By far this book has really grasped my desire to read more. My parents did not raise me to love reading, however this book has helped me enjoy reading. Chapter six made me realize that my Christian belief should not limit me to explore about other cultures. As a Christian, I need to step out of my own belief and culture to learn from the stranger/s. I had never thought about intercultural as the process of Christian discipleship. Christian discipleship is more than an act I do early Sundays, door knocking-evangelizing. Part of the spiritual growth in a person is found through Christian discipleship. When I decide to step out of my comfort zone as a Christian, I will obtain “outgrowth of a determination to love one’s neighbor and can itself be an arena of growth in Christian discipleship (as a way of becoming the kind of person who is more likely to love his or her neighbor)” (Smith, 2009 pg. 105). I appreciate that the author helps the reader, me, understand a deep intercultural encounter which is broken in three parts: “the before, the during, and the after” (Smith, 2009 pg. 106).

Communication isn’t just about talking. There are so many different elements to communicating in society. How a person gestures, the tone in an individual’s voice, an expression on a person’s face, how a person listens is all a part of communicating. As we all know, in order to communicate with one another we must be able to listen. I think in society people think that communication is all about speaking but in reality it is just a little piece to a bigger picture. In today’s society, listening seems to be a skill that is being neglected. Even though it is basically the first communication skill that we are exposed to, we have pushed it aside and chose speaking to dominate our lives. Researchers have discovered that fetuses can process incoming sounds during the last trimester of pregnancy, and that by 12 months children have learned sounds of and rules of their native language(Worthington, 3). This shows that children’s abilities to speak, read, write and reason are influenced highly by how well they are taught to listen. As parents we can all be teachers to our children so that they can grow up to be well-rounded communicators.

James C. Petersen sets out on a mission to aim, teach, improve listening, and talking skills. This improves relationships with others, both professionally and personally. Similar to other communication books he begins with a brief overview of communication and what to expect. The book is based on five section explores communication options. His book is based off of the Flat-Brain Theory of Emotions. Petersen (2007) he suggests that individuals become confused between the difference of a feeling and a thought and their relation. Different body parts and areas suggest various thoughts and feelings that affect each other. The Flat-Brain Theory, which purports a triadic formula of self that includes the stomach, heart, and head (Petersen 2007, p. 11). This leads to the Flat-Brain Syndrome which is detrimental to our communication with self and others.

First, mindful listening is important in communication just hearing what someone says is not enough we need to listen to who were are communicating with and give them our full attention. “To listen well, we rely on our ears, minds, and hearts” (Wood, 2016, p. 163). I have a problem with selective listening and I have worked on this to become a better listener throughout class with my family.

“To listen well is as powerful a means of communication and influence as to talk well.”

Listening is a very complicated skill that many people do not posses. It requires individuals to reflect and to admit to their flaws. In order to communicate effectively it is important to know when to talk and listen. Peterson’s book is an excellent tool to enhance all types of relationships.

James Petersen (2007) uses five parts to describe the talking and listening to help us process a better way of communicating and understanding each other. They are provided to help us connect in our relationships with others. According to Petersen, most of us think we listen well, but we don’t. Not

Talking and listening are essential life skills. The ability to talk in order to communicate and exchange ideas and information, to negotiate with others, to express feelings and emotions, allows human beings to function well in the world and to be full and active members of society. Communication, to be effective, requires the ability to listen, to understand and to make sense of what is heard. On the personal level, when we listen, we give attention to the other person in such a way as to allow them to feel heard, understood and therefore respected. In that way, listening is more than

Dr. Petersen has called The Flat Brain Theory of Emotions. “It explains how our emotions, thinking and relating abilities work and how what goes inside us comes out in the ways we communicated and act.” (Petersen, 2007, p. 8) And without doubt that this is precisely the basis not only for a great communication, but is also related to a great listening.

Why Don’t We Listen Better? is a book that I initially did not think I would enjoy reading or learn from. Contrarily, I have learned more about myself than I could have ever imagined. To begin, to summarize the book was a bit difficult because there were so many interesting and important aspects. It was not an easy task to decide what to add and what to omit. James Petersen sought out to explore and dissect communication and understanding within different types and levels of relationships. Petersen described the Flat Brain Theory of Emotions as a theory that describes

There are many ideas from Petersen's book that I can use to apply what I learned to enhance my own interpersonal communication. I will use most of the techniques to help improve relationships and communication with my family members and in the work setting. In the past, when having communication problems, I noticed that what the other person said and what they truly meant may be different. In the future, I will use the decode technique by stating what I heard the person say and then I will ask the person if that is what they meant (Petersen, 2015, p. 62). This technique will be useful to clear up confusion in the communication process both for the listener and speaker.

Petersen, J. C. (2007). Why don't we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. Lincoln City, Oregon: Petersen Publications.

Remaining silent is an essential component of communication based on listening skill. This skill encourage people to participate, giving attention to listen to other people when they talking without interruption (Hybels & Weave 2008). More over, as people they make an ethical agreement to listen to the other, they focused their attention on them without acknowledging competing thoughts (Gamble & Gamble 2013). It is widely recognized that, listening can be defined as paying attention to other people when they talk. In addition, as human beings

The first reaction of most people when they consider listening as a possible method for dealing with human beings is that listening cannot be sufficient in itself, Because it is passive, they feel, listening does not communicate anything to the speaker. Actually, nothing could be farther from the truth.

In this class, I’m learning quite a bit about listening. I’m learning how to listen and communicate better with people, especially when the things I’m listening to and talking about are more on the sensitive side of topics. I’ve always been a very closed off person, even from friends and family. I️ would have a hard time expressing my thoughts and emotions verbally and would get upset with people when they would try to pry. Friends and family would get angry with me when I️ wouldn’t talk or wouldn’t listen to them when all they were really doing was trying to help me. Very frequently when out in public it’s easy to observe this same kind of people or behavior. There are many more people out in the world with poor listening and communicating skills than you may think. For instance, those who get flustered when discussing certain topics whether it’s at the store or a coffee shop. If you like people watching, then you know what I’m talking about.