Boundaries In Relationships

In looking to understand your significant other, you first have to know and understand yourself, as an individual. Take the time to make sure each of you are aware of your own beliefs, and do your best to try and remember that both of you have your own personal identity. “Your identity is a consistent set of attitudes that defines who you are. If you accept and like yourself, in spite of your faults and failings, you will be more likely to carry a positive attitude into your interpersonal communication with others. If you accept yourself as you are, you will be more likely to accept others as they are.” (Sole, K.(2011)3.5, pp83).That is important if you wish to maintain good interpersonal communication skills with others. Self- identity is what makes you, the individual, so special. Maintaining a positive self-image can result in a higher feeling of self- worth. Self-esteem can be defined by its “two primary components: a sense of self-efficacy or your personal effectiveness and a sense of your personal worth and self-respect.” (Sole, K.(2011)3.5, pp85). By surrounding yourself with people who are positive influences, you stand a better chance of maintaining a positive self-image. “However, your self-concept,

Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring (just) because I don’t do things your way. I care about me, too. ~ Christine Morgan

In Relationships that we deal with everyday there are dialectical tensions and issues that arise. These tensions can greatly effect a relationship whether it be with a romantic partner, friend or family. In this paper, I will define, discuss and give examples of three dialectical Tensions; describe how they have impacted relationships in my life and how I’ve managed these tensions with management strategies. The three Tension I will discuss are ‘autonomy vs. connectedness’, ‘novelty vs. predictability’, and ‘openness vs. closedness’. The four managing strategies for these dialectical tensions are: selection, separation, neutralization, and reframing. The personal relationship in which I will use personal examples in this paper will be my best friend and I and the tensions that we

Moreover, the basis of a relationships lies on the principle that it is a shared give and take between two people. Yet, what happens in a society that has slowly eradicated a person’s ability to question their surroundings and communication has been dumbed down to surface level discussions?

According to “A Triangular Theory of Love,” the intimacy component of love is the “emotional investment of love” it is “feelings of liking, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in loving relationships” (Sternberg, 1985; Kassin, Fein, & Markus, 2016). In other terms, this is the feeling experienced toward, and or, with another person, in which, you are emotionally invested in the relationship. Examples would include caring and emotionally investing oneself into the other person and the relationship. Couples with a intense intimate relationship adore each other’s companionship, frequently sharing personal information about how the person is feeling or doing. Lastly, passion is the emotion feeling of being significant and appreciated in the relationship. Additionally, it is having, accepting, and sharing feelings for the other person. It is selflessness, for example, enduring pain when an individual hurts their spouse’s feelings, or sharing joy with a spouse during exhilarating times, it is caring about the other person’s feelings. In addition, this component of love includes, the “enduring feeling of warmth in a loving relationship” (Sternberg, 1985). In healthy relationships, couples ought to be able to converse freely during arguments or about personal issues. The individual should be felt cared for and craved by their significant other. Furthermore, according to Social Psychology, intimacy is “feeling free to talk about anything, supportive, and understanding”

Boundaries not only reflect a need for physical space, but, our core values, self respect and our need for safety and protection. They are invisible lines that differentiate people from each other. The different forms or types of boundaries include physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and relational.

Boundaries are something that indicates limits (“Dictionary.com”, 2015). Professional boundaries are boundaries that are set up between co-workers or between a professional and a client. A professional boundary is a guideline that tells the professional how to act appropriately (Plante, 2011).

Baxter and Rawlins (1988) say that there are three dialectical forces that must be in balance for the relationship to be successful (Trenholm, 2014). The dialectical forces are called expressive-protective, autonomy-togetherness, and the novelty-predictability dialectics (Trenholm, 2014). Expressive-protective dialectic involves a balance to share personal information and the need to have a little privacy (Trenholm, 2014). Autonomy-togetherness dialectic describes how interdependent they want to be with each other (Trenholm, 2014). There needs to have a balance of togetherness and being apart from each other (Trenholm, 2014). Novelty-predictability dialectic is how individuals interact with each other and how they fall into patterns of behavior (Trenholm, 2014). After a time these behaviors become predictable and they spend most of their time repeating old routines (Trenholm, 2014). This behavior can positive or it can be negative (Trenholm, 2014).

(a) I am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others, and I find it difficult to trust them completely. It is difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often love partners want to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being.

Setting boundaries is when someone marks their limits, determining how much their friends, neighbors, family, and strangers can have access to in their life. I strongly believe that creating boundaries is a crucial to do to be respected, protected, and stay healthy. Since I can remember, my family has always instilled in me that having my own boundaries are essential because they are part of self-care. Thus, forming boundaries are fundamental for one’s life because without them, anyone can interfere and manipulate your life.

If one's habits fail to match with one, it may tolerate that. However, non-matching thoughts and talks that can lead towards conflict, collapse, and breakup.

feel protected and loved tending to get “stuck” in the relationship where their needs were not met

The second chapter, of the book “Family Interaction”, focuses on the theme of family strategies and boundaries. While reading, I noticed that my family has similarities and dissimilarities with other family members. Several topics that interested me were open and closed boundaries, and maintenance resources. My family is enmeshed and has internal boundaries, but other members of my family are on a continuum. For example, my family is very accepting and open to letting friends and spouses come over our house for special occasions the holidays. However, as a family we can be very different as a sub-unit. For example, with my mother I was often allowed to stay the night over a friend’s house, and later when I got older my boyfriends were allowed

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming. Within our relationship, blaming is probably the most radical use of Power and Control. I don’t think either of us would deny our behavior but more so would blame other people around us for the way that we were feeling rather than taking full responsibility of our own emotions. Additionally, learning how our feelings are our own has helped me become more honest in my accountability.

You were right when you said "you're one sided person" because I only saw things from one side, my side. I did have too strong of opinions and views of how a relationship should be, roles and responsibilities that each of us should play and all these ideologies I had merely came from movie scripts, songs and others. Life is not