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Bridges Not Walls Metaphor Analysis

Decent Essays
10. Bridges Not Walls Metaphor: Shame
Shame results from a sense of felt defectiveness (Stewart, 2009, p. 95). People have shame when they believe they doing or did something wrong. People feel shame when they take part in something they regret and can never take back. In their mind, this act can render them defective or be seen as less than, which results in them feeling even worse about themselves. Shame can lead to a downward spiral of negative thought and feelings about oneself, which is not an effective way to live one’s life. More importantly, people strive to protect themselves against shame and when shame is felt communication is directly affected (Stewart, 2009, p. 95). Individuals do not want to feel as though they are doing something
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95). Matt knows he has done wrong by Jules since he cheated on her, which leaves him feeling poorly about himself. He remains in silence, thinks about what he has done and how much he is hurting Jules. Stewart, also reveals that when shame is felt communication is directly affected (Stewart, 2009, p. 95). Since Matt feels awful about his poor actions he keeps his distance from Jules, which continues to negatively affect their relationship. Their communication is dramatically reduced, which makes it seem as though Matt does not care to fix their relationship by talking through what he did and how they can get past it, together. Thankfully, people strive to protect themselves against shame, therefore, once Matt reduces his tensions about how shameful he feels he decides to do something to rude his shame and get his life back (Stewart, 2009, p. 95). At this point, Matt sends Jules apology flowers, runs to her office and finally talks to her about how terrible he feels and that he is sorry that he is that guy who cheats on his wife. Once Matt discloses his true feelings Jules is overcome with joy because she knows that Matt genuinely felt bad about what he did and that he too wants to make their relationship work. In all, shame can prevent from doing what is necessary to overcome the negative action they did, however, is one has the motivation to do something about their shame they can almost overcome
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