Case Study Forgiveness

As I was reading the chapter on forgiveness in Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling by McMinn (2011), the personal life experience that jumped out to me was when I had to make the decision to truly forgive my ex-boyfriend and his parents for the emotional pain they caused me. After living in New Jersey for a month and spending time with my boyfriend and his family, working, and taking care of an elderly lady with dementia my world came crashing down on me. My ex-boyfriend’s parents discovered sin in his life and told me I could no longer pursue a relationship with him because of the sins he had committed. After finding out the sinful things my ex-boyfriend had done, I chose to forgive him. I also chose to give him a second chance at a relationship with me, but my effort to salvage our relationship was futile.

“Forgiveness, assert Fincham and his colleagues, can help restore more benevolent and cooperative goals to relationships” Everett L. Worthington, Jr.(2004). New Science of Forgiveness.

An example of when there was unconditional forgiveness in the novel was when Anh’s father had left and they did not see him for 9 years and finally Ahn called him to catch up. After a few visits Ahn realised that he still “very much loved this laughing, beautiful, terribly flawed man.” (Chapter 9, page 152). Another example of when the Do family forgave each other was when many years had passed since Anh’s mother had seen his father and when Anh, Khoa, Tram and their mother were back in Vietnam their mother spoke nicely about their father to another woman, “He’s very smart for a young man isn’t he?” the lady said regarding Anh, “Yes, he is very good at these things, just like his father”. (Chapter 12, page 220). It is evidential that unconditional forgiveness is an vital aspect of being a

It is also vital to look at Wilson’s view on the practice of forgiveness and how if an individual decides to ignore it, it can place a road block in their process of change. She believes that God speaks about forgiveness for the following reasons:” (1) we are all sinners with whom to relate so we’ll need to become skillful forgivers (2) God makes forgiveness a centerpiece of our healing process because living in un-forgiveness is so much worse (Wilson, 2001).

Without forgiveness, relationships will not last. Everyone makes mistakes. “Each of us is hurt, defended, flawed, and will inevitably make mistakes. Having this perspective doesn’t mean we should sit back and withstand abuse. However, if we want to enjoy a lasting relationship with someone we value and choose to spend our lives with, we may want to grow our ability to forgive” (Firestone). Self forgiveness is also necessary for complete fulfillment in life. In the short story, The Outcast of Poker Flat, the characters had all sinned and were discarded from the city by the townsfolk. During the journey to start a new life, the characters learned to trust and love one another. Forgiveness is given to each other and they even learn to forgive themselves. “And when pitying fingers brushed the snow from their wan faces, you could scarcely have told from the equal peace that dwelt upon them which was she that had sinned” (Harte). In the end, forgiveness had given the characters peace. Relationships require forgiveness to thrive and survive. Even in time of peril, the characters found peace in forgiveness. The relationships that were built on the short journey comforted the characters at the end and the sorrow of death was solaced by the forgiveness they had

Reconciling with someone is restoring trust when the trust has been broken or damaged. Forgiveness either decisional or emotional is what happens within a person and reconciliation takes place between two people. To reconcile with someone is to present good behavior over (x) amount of time, until a point is reached and trust can be restored. Everett also teaches couples how to forgive their spouse and reestablish trust in their relationships using the Hope-Focused approach which is composed of two sides. The first side is FREE (Forgiveness and Reconciliation through Experiencing Empath) and the second is HOPE (Handling Our Problems Effectively). Research has been conducted on both approaches and has proven to be valid.

Life changes pretty rapidly doesn’t it? One minute your mom is doing good with her health, the next minute, you find yourself in the hospital having to decide if you’re going to pull the plug on the woman who gave you life. We cannot always control what happens to us in our lives, but we can control how we choose to react to the situation(s). Often times, we find ourselves in situations that test our faith, and destiny. Same goes for James Dawson.

Hebl and Enright (1993) conducted a study on elderly females who had suffered from various injusticies such as spousal conflict and overmedication to show forgiveness can be induced and with therapeutic goals. Further findings come from Coyle and Enright (1997) who used a forgiveness intervention on males who had been hurt by a partners abortion who found forgiveness lead to reductions in anger, anxiety and grief, therefore forgiving does have a positive effect on mental health. A second study by Al-Mabuk, Enright and Cardis (1995) on students who had been love deprived. In an experimental group where the students went through seventeen steps of the process model had decreased anxiety and improved their attitude towards their mother/father

The act of forgiveness may appear to be a simple task. Well, it is not.

offenders without actually sending them, this process was a way of letting go of the pain and

O: Mrs. Thornhill knows the relationship can be saved, the process could be longterm. The client’s husband is not willing to share in the sessions with her nor is her parents ready to communicate with her.

This client was Christian and from my estimation now looking back was just beginning their walk with Christ and not on the same maturity level that I was at that time in my walk with Christ. At that time I knew how forgiveness first and foremost is obedience to God, and secondly how it can set you free from so many emotional problems, McMinn said, “Forgiveness, in its theological and spiritual context, is profound, life-giving, and transforming. When we remove the religious context and think of forgiveness only as a clinical technique, we risk losing the essence of forgiveness.” (2011, p. 254) After reading this chapter it made me re-live an area in which I was not fully equipped to help client maneuver their way through. This particular chapter has allowed me to see how vital forgiveness is in a therapeutic session, and how it must be used carefully. It is made me aware of how important my Christianity is to forgiveness, but also to assess the level my client is currently on before beginning a session on forgiveness. Reflection

Last, but certainly not least is it can save a friendship. Forgiveness may not be easy to grant if a friend stole, or hurt another, but do what is possible to get that friend back. Talk about the situation with the friend and work out a way to say the beautiful friendship that has been created throughout the years. Look for the good in the bad situation to help forgiveness come to light. Forgiveness may just be the only way to save a friendship.

2.) …when forgiveness should be extended. A Christian cannot come to God in prayer with bad blood between him and a brother.

Forgiveness should be a gift which you give yourself. When you feel that forgiveness is necessary, do not forgive for “their” sake.