Classification Essay - Three Types of Annoying Shoppers

785 Words 4 Pages
The Three Types of Annoying Shoppers


Tires squeal across the hot asphalt; exhaust fumes fill the air. Innocent shoppers leap to safety as cars circle the neighborhood grocery store lot in search of the ideal parking spot. Engines revving. Adrenaline rushing. The driver's sole mission is to obtain a white lined rectangle of pavement before entering the race known as shopping. As a safety precaution, competent and considerate shoppers should be aware of the distinct character traits of the three annoying types of shoppers: Hurry Harry, Suburban Sally, and Picky Pete. Knowledge of their parking-lot-to-checkout-stand habits increases the chance of avoiding a head-on collision.

The first annoying type of shopper, Hurry Harry, generally
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Words are finger-painted in the dust on the back window above the bumper stickers declaring, "My child is an honor student" and "Vacation at Disneyland." Sticky, diapered youngsters spill from the van to scramble for a rusty cart which desperately needs a front-end alignment. Suburban Sally, in a loose sweatsuit and pink rollers, unravels a grocery list equal to any childÕs letter to Santa. She skillfully maneuvers the cart through the maze of shoppers, braking without warning, to comparison shop or to threaten her loud bunch of food guzzlers. With the strength of a two-ton truck, she steers her cart to the finish line. As the cashier rings up her purchases, it is time for her to make one last lap around the store for a forgotten item. Customers sigh as she pulls out coupons and rebates to offset the sticker price. She writes a check and calculates the difference before leaving. A good set of brakes and plenty of tabloids to read are necessary when shopping behind Suburban Sally.

In comparison to her absent-minded habits, Picky Pete, the third type of annoying shopper, appears flawless. Sunlight shines off his latest BMW parked across three spaces farthest from the store; his political statements boldly expressed on the shiny chrome bumper: "Don't blame me, I voted for Bush" and "To err is human,…