Communication And Communication : The Importance Of Conflict In Relationships

Marriage is an adjustment between two people getting married Communication can cause a relationship to succeed or fail. If you do not share how you feel, it can cause your partner to withdraw. Listening can save a relationship. Schonberg (2011) found that “affective affirmation –basically, behavior that makes your partner feel loved cared for or special plays a role in a happy marriage and those men need it more than women. There are several factors and problems that can cause marriage to either succeed or fail. It is important to discuss problem things left unsaid can cause your partner to with draw.

How often is it mentioned that “communication is key,” yet per Tannen, the divorce rate in 2014 was nearly 50% - coincidence (289)? In her article, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” posted in The Washington Post during 1990, Deborah Tannen addresses this very question. She utilizes her background in linguistics and professional writing to convey several reasons why couples may not be clicking. By doing so Tannen hopes to convince those in relationships, or looking to be, of how they can be more open-minded when communicating with their significant others. Within her piece, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” Deborah Tannen utilizes a casual tone and hypothetical examples to convince the audience that men and women communicate differently.

If marriage is a car, love is its driver, and effective communication is its fuel. To further explain, unless there is a special

This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.

With the research study of John Gottman (1954), he observed 2000 couples. He indicated that “marital success at least five to one ratio of positive to negative interactions.” While with stable marriages, more than five times of instances were couples of “smiling, touching, complimenting, and laughing, then of sarcasm, criticism, and insults.” Gottman conducted that don’t look at how in love a couple is, look at the one’s that “refrain” from putting down their other

Finally the author concludes, If the marriage is already in trouble, both partners in the marriage must be dedicated to working on their communication skills in order to improve or salvage their marriage.” (McNicholl) Both partners need to be willing to put in the work to improve their communication skills in order to save there marriage if there are any conflicts in the marriage. Without communication the marriage will continue to take it’s turn for the worst. Both of you need to want to improve your communication skills and to want to

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and

Nor can effective use of power be reduced to wise control of our personal powers, though that may be a good start.  Social power, including our own, is concentrated, channelled, and distributed by the culture and structure of our families, communities, organizations, countries, etc.  Personal power is limited or extended by such cultures and structures.

Rather than giving up and ending the marriage, many couples could save the marriage by trying to work through the problems that arise. Many people do not realize how much hard work has to be put into a marriage for it to be successful. When planning a wedding, some couples spend a lot of time preparing the vows that will be exchanged during the ceremony, but sadly the partners fail to live by the vows day after day. Scores of married couples drift apart because their hectic lives do not allow them to spend enough quality time together, which is important for a healthy marriage. Communication is also an essential factor in working through problems in a marriage.

A Prominent saying state – “Good Communication is the key to a healthy relationship or marriage”; whether it may be verbal or non-verbal. Many marriages end up in divorce, because of neglecting to communicate

Have you ever heard, “Communication is the key”? Well it’s true in many different relationships and situations. Communication if done effectively can reduce stress. Allen Louis says: "Communication is the sum of all the things a person does when he wants to create an understanding in the mind of another. It involves a systematic and continuous process of telling, listening and understanding." (Bhasker) It is generally more important that the point of the communication is achieved regardless of the correctness of the grammar. As Bruce Kodish says, “one must observe and listen to what the other person is saying, not only to their words but also to their tone, gestures etc." Albert Mehrabian, who has studied nonverbal communication, points out that words alone convey only seven percent of the message while the majority of any message is communicated through vocal and visual elements. Consider how often meaning gets twisted when texting. It is thought that 38 percent of communication comes from vocal elements that include the quality, speed, loudness, pitch, and intonation of the voice, and 55 percent of communication is attributed to visual elements that include gestures, postures, distance, smell, and touch. (Bhasker) Peter. F. Drucker says, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what is not said.”

It is a well-known fact, in today’s society, that establishing and maintaining a marriage covenant is a difficult proposition. Couples find it easy to fall in love, dream of a future together, and make commitments that they intend to keep. According to divorce rates, however, it is easier to say, “I do” and “until death do us part” than to cultivate the skills that are required to remain committed to a lifelong marriage relationship. According to, Goodwin, Mosher, and Chandra (2010), research has shown that approximately one-third of marriages in the USA end up in divorce within the first 10 years. Additionally, estimates are that around 50% of all marriages in the USA end up in divorce (Britzman & Sauerheber, 2014). For many, the major reasons for these disconnects in marriage are deficits in effective marital communication, the inability to resolve conflict constructively, and the lack of commitment to making the marriage work (Balderrama-Durbin, Snyder, & Balsis, 2015; Balswick & Balswick, 2014; DeMaris, Sanchez, & Krivickas, 2012; Stanley, Amato, Johnson, & Markman, 2006; Villa & Del Prette, 2013). According to Leslie Parrot, co-author of Save Your Marriage Before it Starts (SYMBIS), for many years, marriage and family counselors have poured their time, effort and energy into helping clients work through these issues to find ways to repair the broken relationships (Serres, 2010). Parrot says that although this is still necessary and vital, she, along with other leaders

Communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. Partners that communicate their thoughts and feelings, along with their likes and dislikes, are more likely to regard their relationships as happy and content. Nevertheless, not every relationship can be this way, and some are even plagued with an extramarital affair, either enacted by one or both partners in the relationship. Studies show that 30-60% of American men and 20-50% of American women will have sex with someone other than their spouse while they are married (Vangelisti & Gerstenberger, 2004). This is a rather high statistic, and even though affairs are becoming more common in society today, they are still a painful experience for all involved. In articles by Afifi,

Individuals that are skilled in relationship problems stress the significance of open communication in marriageable relationships. Good communication skills help adopt shared consideration and form some type of understanding. Then once emotions start to intensify, good communication skills help married couples steer their differences and resolve their conflicts more positively. When it comes to conducting research involving married couples and family research there are regulations and ethical standards that need to be monitored. Margolin, Chien, Duman, Fauchier, Gordis, Oliver & Vickerman, (2005) expounds that Couple and family research presents unique challenges in terms of interpretation and application of ethical principles to