Controversial Businessman And Political Figure Donald Trump

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Controversial businessman and political figure Donald Trump has just announced his entire presidential campaign up to this point to be a fluke. While he has not dropped out of the race for the Republican nomination, Trump has stated he will recant certain statements made about those of Middle Eastern and Mexican background. “I fooled you all. I’m not actually going to build a wall! That’d be stupid. I’m very intelligent. I’m the intelligentest, actually. I attended multiple Ivy league universities. They let me in because I had the best words. Anyway, the point is, America, I’m not racist! It was just a UUUUGE social experiment. I’m just a really good businessman with even better hair.” After firing his wig and revealing his admittedly natural luscious locks, Trump went on to deliver his true political platform. In a shocking statement, Trump admits he is “really proud of the women and the gays for trying so hard.” One of his main campaign focuses will be women’s rights; Trump specifically cited his eventual goal to implement equal pay for equal work. “What I’ll do is, I’ll print money called ‘lady bucks’ that are each worth 77 cents. That way, we can pay women 77% of real workers’ wages and trick them into thinking they are getting paid the same amount! You see where I’m coming from, right? I think I might be the greatest president. Besides Abe Lincoln, he was pretty good.” Then, Donald thanked his close friend and fellow illuminati member, comedian

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