Deborah Tannen Sex Lies And Conversation Summary

Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

The methods in which men and women communicate are eminently different. This being so, their external state is an indicator of their inner state, but men and women have different external states to express themselves. This is especially evident among children and individuals in relationships, and altered between a couple who tries to adjust their behavior. Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” argues that boys are girls are taught to have a differ inner state, that males and females usually have the same inner state but express them differently when communicating, and that individuals in romantic relationships can alter the way they present their outer state to represent their inner state in a way their partner can relate to.

When both involved do not effectively communicate with each other, a distant marriage may lead to discontent for all. Sinclair Ross’s short story, “The Painted Door”, deals with the growing dissatisfaction and loneliness of a farmer’s wife, Ann, who feels alone as her husband deals with the harsh conditions of the environment. This story demonstrates how deeply communication can affect a marriage, be it bad or good. One of the most fundamental elements of a healthy relationship is communication. Lack of communication in a relationship can result to severe consequences. Irrespective of the kind of relationship, lack of communication magnifies issues in a relationship undermining the very foundation of the relationship. The success of any relationship relies on one's ability to communicate well. Communication is important in relationships as it allows us to share our interest, concerns, support each other. John is a simple farmer who thinks the only way he can please his wife, is by working all day to earn money for her. However, Ann would prefer he spend more time with her. Their relationship is stressed even further when Ann is left at home alone with nothing to think about but their relationship because John has to go to his father’s house. The terrible snow storm accentuates Ann’s feelings of loneliness and despair. These feelings lead Ann to seek comfort and companionship from Steven, the attractive friend of her husband, John, thus leading to John's suicide.

To define these communication conundrums, Tannen discusses “rapport-talk” and “report-talk”. She defines “rapport-talk” as “For most women, the language of conversation is primarily

In “Sex, Lies and Conversation” Deborah Tannen argues that the problems of men and women in marriage are caused by a misunderstanding rather than lack of communication. Throughout the passage she discusses theses misunderstandings and reveals the solution to the problem.

She wants the audience to know right away that even though she is about to tell you the story of a difficult childhood, she did reach her goal in the end. After making this statement, Tan dives into her past and how she came to be where she is today. Her mother is the next most important point of discussion. Her mother influenced her writing style as well as her beliefs about her culture and heritage. ?Just last week, I was walking down the street with my mother, and I again found myself conscious of the English I was using, the English I do use with her? (Tan, 2002, p. 36). The broken up English her mother uses is the next issue Tan focuses on. ??everything is limited, including people?s perceptions of the limited English speaker? (Tan, 2002, p. 36). Lastly, she talks about her education and the role it had on her deciding what she wanted to do with her life. ?Fortunately, I happen to be rebellious in nature and enjoy the challenge of disproving assumptions made about me? (Tan, 2002, p. 39). By structuring the essay in order of importance, Tan reinforces her message that you can be anything you desire even with a different culture than the norm.

The articles “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it Hard for Men and Women to Talk to each other” by Deborah Tannen and “Speaking Different Languages” by John Gray are about how men and women often misunderstand each other which causes conflicts and or arguments. When a woman says something it usually has a deeper meaning, but men are usually more direct when speaking; this leads to conflicts and relationship problems. According to Tannen and Gray, men and women can adjust their thinking to minimize misunderstanding by translating each other’s dialect, by understanding their different ways of listening, and different body languages.

This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.

Within the essay, “But What Do You Mean?”, author Deborah Tannen explains several main areas of miscommunication between men and women. Within her article, she goes section-by-section comparing men and women’s preferred style of communication. She concludes that while men and women may communicate differently, neither are wrong. To address this concern, she suggests using language both parties can understand. On the other hand, in William Lutz article, “The World of Doublespeak,” he takes a different approach to language discrepancies. Lutz introduces the idea of doublespeak as inherently negative. He starts by proceeding to discuss types of doublespeak subcategory-by-subcategory. Within his subcategories, he gives various real-world examples from various aspects of communication. The conclusion Lutz resolves to claims that doublespeak impedes communication, and thus should be eliminated. Overall, despite both authors exploring aspects of language the tone, categorization, and conclusions are different.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

In the article, “Sex Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” author Deborah Tannen, argues that the culture differences in males and females communication, both expect differences in their partners communication which cause damaged marriages. First Tannen mentions, communication in marriage is difficult due to the fact that males and females have come from different cultures. Then Tannen argues, that women expect more intimacy by way of conversation and men share activities in order to gain in their same sex friendships. Tannen also argues that men tend to switch topics often, not concentrating so much on depth as on breadth, not taking turns on same topic; women establish intimacy by diving deeper on a few topics. The author states, male relationships are “agonistic” (Tannen), trying to one up; female relationships are not that way, as they seek equality instead. Finally Tannen, suggests that there are solutions: awareness is key in a cross-cultured communication. (Tannen) While there are some elements to her argument that may generalize too much, in the end, I do find myself convinced by Tannen’s case.

Deborah Tannen is the author of Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other. Deborah Tannen is a woman who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research but also has information to support her view. In her essay Deborah Tannen argues complications happen in marriages/relationships due to individuals not being able to communicate with each other properly.

While I read “Can’t we Talk” by Tannem, I could not help but to reflect on my past experiences. I agree with what was written, men and women do communicate and hear things differently. I believe this is the cause of the issues in any relationship. Our interpretation of something may be opposite of what was intended. I understand how people take things wrong and then feel negatively by taking what was said out of context. When we misunderstand something, we need to question it or say how we feel, not trying to clear the air when something bothers you only festers negative feelings. The way one word is spoken and understood changes the intension of what was intended. The examples of the couples are spot on for what happens in communication.

For this project I recorded a 30 minutes conversation between two couples (two males and two females) dining at a restaurant after the movies. The first couple is Stephen (22) and Lina (21), and the second couple is Daniel (24) and Chue (21). Stephen and Daniel are brothers while Lina and Chue are co-workers. With this, there is at least a comfortable level. Stephen and Lina sat next to each other which is also across from Daniel and Chue. For this recording, I observed four different language device used: I’m sorry, I’m not apologizing (Tannen), Women’s language: powerless language (Lakoff), Relationship miscommunication (Tannen), and lastly “Informal talk: Girl talk and boy talk (Eisikovitis).”

Another author who specializes in concept of achieving ability to communicate better in the relationships is Susan Page. She has a master?s degree in theology and has directed women?s programs at the University of California at Berkeley. Page is an expert in conducting relationships workshops, she is mostly concern with learning communication rules. The communication rules are very helpful for the relationship to last for a long period of time. Learning those rules will help people give more to the spouse they love. People communicate every day, learning how to talk to each other could be very helpful for a healthy relationship. By implementing the right techniques to resolve conflicts and start understanding each other will help couples achieve their goals. Fallowing Page?s rules gives couples ability to resolve conflicts, arguments and understand what they might want from their life. Susan Page gets her expertises from workshops discussions, interviews with happily married couples and her own personal experiences. Page statistically found out that many couples have poor knowledge on how to communicate with