Deborah Tannen 's View Of Men And Women

Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

The methods in which men and women communicate are eminently different. This being so, their external state is an indicator of their inner state, but men and women have different external states to express themselves. This is especially evident among children and individuals in relationships, and altered between a couple who tries to adjust their behavior. Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” argues that boys are girls are taught to have a differ inner state, that males and females usually have the same inner state but express them differently when communicating, and that individuals in romantic relationships can alter the way they present their outer state to represent their inner state in a way their partner can relate to.

Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.

To define these communication conundrums, Tannen discusses “rapport-talk” and “report-talk”. She defines “rapport-talk” as “For most women, the language of conversation is primarily

In “Sex, Lies and Conversation” Deborah Tannen argues that the problems of men and women in marriage are caused by a misunderstanding rather than lack of communication. Throughout the passage she discusses theses misunderstandings and reveals the solution to the problem.

The articles “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it Hard for Men and Women to Talk to each other” by Deborah Tannen and “Speaking Different Languages” by John Gray are about how men and women often misunderstand each other which causes conflicts and or arguments. When a woman says something it usually has a deeper meaning, but men are usually more direct when speaking; this leads to conflicts and relationship problems. According to Tannen and Gray, men and women can adjust their thinking to minimize misunderstanding by translating each other’s dialect, by understanding their different ways of listening, and different body languages.

Deborah Tannen’s essay “But What Do You Mean?” focuses on what she claims are differences between men and women when it comes to social interaction. The essay is sectioned into seven categories, in which she talks about how men and women tend to think and react when it comes to apologizing, criticizing, thanking, fighting, praising, complaining, and joking with others. In general, she seems to promote the idea that women tend to be more polite and refined, considering the feelings of others when conversing and taking everything as a formality. In contrast, men are apparently more blunt, taking a more direct approach with matters and being more unconcerned with how they may affect others. Women tend to automatically apologize and thank others

“Every 13 seconds, there is one divorce in America. That equates to 277 divorces per hour, 6,646 divorces per day, 46,523 divorces per week, and 2,419,196 divorces per year,” according to Wilkinson and Finkbeiner Family Law Attorneys (“Divorce Facts and Statistics: What Affects Divorce Rates?”). With that being said, 42-50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, according to Professor Scott Stanley of Psychology Today (DePaulo). Divorce in today’s society is considered more common than not. These figures may seem alarming to most, however what is even more of the issue is the effect these rates have on children.

This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.

Conversation is a ritual every person must encounter throughout their lives in order to function properly with one another in today’s society. However, every individual has a “different idea about what’s appropriate” when approaching someone in any sort of conversation; that is why we are referred to as individuals (Tannen 327). There are thousands of diverse languages to speak to one another with, in fact that means there are thousands of different ways to offend each other with our words. Within those languages there are several contrasting gestures that can offend any single person, such as the amount of times individuals apologize in one meeting, giving criticism too harshly, or thanking someone so often it does not seem genuine. In the article “What Do You Mean,” Deborah Tannen touches upon apologies, criticism, and thank yous in further detail to explain where individuals go wrong within conversation and how they can fix their actions. Individuals find it satisfying to please others by being polite because it is the ‘right’ thing to do, however like myself others need to stand up for themselves and get directly to the point now in order to avoid conflict later in life.

On the one hand, Tannen’s logic maybe problematic, as she assumes that communication is the heart of the greatest marital problems. Even though this was in written in 1990 many aspect of marital problems have risen, into many different problems. For instance, marriage does not always end due to the lack of communication, anything

Deborah Tannen is the author of Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other. Deborah Tannen is a woman who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research but also has information to support her view. In her essay Deborah Tannen argues complications happen in marriages/relationships due to individuals not being able to communicate with each other properly.

In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and

Such perspectives are theories, or a set of logically interrelated statements that attempts to describe, explain, and predict social events. I would like to take a deeper look at the United State’s current rising divorce rate and its affect on our adolescents, from an interactionist perspective. Interactionists viewpoints are based on the assumption that society is the sum of the meaning of the interactions of the individuals and groups. This perspective focuses on behavior or on each person’s interpretation or definition of a given situation. The relation of divorce to this macro-level interactionist theory is that divorce is primarily dependent on humans living in cohesive groups or not, and communicating and its affects on the members involved. Research shows that the wrenching act of divorce and the loss of that original unit and the hope tied to it is often irreplaceable for a child and has a permanent affect of cataclysmic proportions (Preston 12). And children of divorced households, appear to show higher expectations of divorce and to have higher divorce rates later in life, and less desire to have children (“How Might Divorce Affect My Child’s Behavior?” 2000). Thus completing the downward spin of the deterioration in family units and the increase of the divorce rate.

In the article “Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers” by Deborah Tannen, you will begin to see and discover the differences in conversation between men and women. Discussed throughout this paper are the importance of metamessages, an overview of Tannen’s article, whether Tannen is fair in her article toward both men and women and whether I agree with Tannen’s article as well as experiences of my peer’s and myself.