"Wake up Abby, it 's time to go to school!" my little sister Natalie whispered as she poked me. Leaves were blowing against my window, making a pitter patter sound that made me smile. I loved that fall breeze. It was another miserable, chilly Monday, to bad Autumn was coming to an end. I looked up at Natalie with her gigantic grin, and her gaze on me she never let go of.
Envision a young, obsequious girl; she’s just 10 years old. She has dazzling blue eyes and wispy white blonde hair, and she is carefree. She is a big sister to her little brother, and she is unsuspecting. I am this girl. I am the girl who for ten years thought of herself as the only big sister. I was wrong. I can recollect sitting in my dad’s old gray work truck while he was under the hood. I was always prying into things that were none of my concern; that warm spring day was no different. As I was nosing around I found a photograph of a girl, older than me, but not by much, she was riding a horse. I was perplexed. The girl in the photograph looked so much like me. She had the same hair and eye color, but I wasn’t as old as her, nor could I recall ever getting on a horse. I could feel the burden of tears behind my eyes as I slowly exited the truck to ask my dad who the girl was in the photograph. On that day my whole world changed. My dad explained to me (after reprimanding me for plundering through his things) that before he met my mother, he dated a girl named Susan when he lived in Michigan. Susan became pregnant, but he was unaware of this until after he and his family moved to South Carolina. Finding out I had an older sister was a profound experience because I felt like I finally had someone to talk to, I had my eyes open to a secret side of my family, and my sister became someone who I admire deeply.
We pulled up the driveway, the headlights of the car shining against the metal garage door. I listened to the sweet melody flowing from the white headphones all the way through my ears. Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine played, the lyrics burning themselves in my brain, leaving the permanent mark of the emotions that filled each sweet, meaningful word. My mom pulled a headphone from my ear aggressively and shook her head at me.
Hurrying over to the creek with a can of corn, my father’s friend, Steve, my dad, and myself all had a tiny pole in our hands. Every time one of us dunked our corn-on-a-hook, a creek chub would snap snap snap at it, and we’d have another piece of bait for the real fishing journey. After we snagged enough creek chubs, we headed to the Illinois river.
Later that night, I was behind the wheel of my G-Wagon with Melissa in the passenger seat. She didn’t feel like driving since she was on the road all day and I understood so I didn’t mind when she asked me to. I had been tight-lipped. She kept eyeballing me as if she detected that something was bothering me but I just kept singing to my India Arie as if I was carefree.
Obediently, Blondie increased his speed and – I noticed – his pleasure. His mouth was opening soundlessly now, another sign of his enjoyment I knew so well. He was breathing heavily too. Felatina kept him rowing and rowing, to the point where I thought he was going to spray his love juice. However, the potion was working well and although he showed all the physical signs of being close to orgasm, the actual event was not happening. I smiled at Marianna as we giggled about what kind of sensation that must be for a man.
“Ugh. It’s just so hot! I can’t do anything it’s so hot,” I groaned. Mika looked over at me and mirrored the annoyed expression that I realized was on my face. I quickly wiped away the expression and tried for something a little nicer. After a bit I just gave up and lay down on the cement floor of our living room. It was cooler down there so it gave a moment of relief. The floor started to warm up where I lay though, so I had to keep moving from place to place so I wouldn’t start to sweat too much.
I remember that day when I loved into that town. It was a fresh and clear day. The birds were singing and the sun was shining all over. I had unpacked and had decided to explore around the place. I went through the shops and the park, and there nothing interested me. I don’t know why but, nothing was interesting. I had walked around and I was pretty sure that I had seen something shimmering in the sunlight, but when I looked closer, it was gone. Now, I will tell you how I became this: a ghost.
“Yeah, Belich, is a bum,” Manny laughed. “I can’t stand that guy and his boring lectures. You would think history would be fun with all the wild stuff that happened before the volunteers, but Belich always finds a way to make it as dull and numbing as possible.”
I grabbed my skateboard that an old friend had given to me and opened up my window slipping out of it before closing it behind me placing a piece of cardboard over it in hopes that no one would see it and try to break in which has happened many times before.
When I was venue hunting, I came back to Ash with my favorite venue (Lindenderry) and Ash thought it looked super familiar. Ash forgot he took a picture at Lindenderry (well before he met me) when he was there for a work conference and thought “If I ever get married, this is where I’d love to get married”. Amazing that we both loved the same place.
"I left" echoed in my head, rousing me from sleep. A loud buzzing overtook my ears like a hive of bees churning. It sounded so close. It was 8:00 in the morning and auditions began at 10:00. I slipped on a pair of dark denim jeans and a navy halter top.