Discussion of Love in Raymond Carver's What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

Toys can influence a child’s behavior, and his or her identity. Children are given toys that demonstrate different significance about aggression, different genders and how to interact with each other. An example would be guns and swords; these are geared toward boys, and endorse fighting, and battling In retrospect, guns and swords can help children in developing

​Walk into any home with toddlers, and you will no doubt be able to tell whether the child is a boy or a girl by a quick peek into the playroom. Trucks, trains, planes, and baseballs will scream boy; while a room full of pink and frilly dolls and stuffed animals have little girl written all over it. Judith Elaine Blakemore, professor of psychology and associate dean of Arts and Sciences for Faculty Development at Indiana University and Jeffrey Trawick-Smith, professor at Eastern Connecticut State University in Willimantic, Connecticut, did a research study about the impact of specific toys on play. They found that,

Many children tend to act out how they are feeling instead of verbalizing it. They show aggressive and out of control behaviors towards their relationships. Boys tend to be more likely to exhibit these traits. Girls, however, are more likely to hold in anger, fear, and anxiety, leading to depression. Both of these problems can significantly affect how well a child learns. If a child’s education is affected, it could stay with them throughout their lives. (Santrock 201)

The short story What We Talk About When We Talk About Love, by Raymond Carver, is about two married couples drinking gin and having a talk about the nature of love. The conversation is a little sloppy, and the characters make some comments which could either be meaningless because of excessive alcohol in the bloodstream, or could be the characters' true feelings because of excessive alcohol in the bloodstream. Overall, the author uses this conversation to show that when a relationship first begins, the people involved may have misconceptions about their love, but this love will eventually die off or develop into something much more meaningful.

She found that at every age, girls and women faced each other directly. On the other side of things, she noticed that at every age, boys and men sat at angles to each other and looked elsewhere in the room. Tannen demonstrates this when she gives the example of a woman in college who was frustrated because every time she would try and talk to her boyfriend he would lay down and put his arm over his face. This signaled that he was taking a nap, but he insisted that it was the only way he could listen without being distracted. Tannen follows by saying, “I believe these systematic differences in childhood socialization make talk between men and women like cross-cultural communication, heir to all the attraction and pitfalls of that enticing but difficult enterprise”. She backs her claim by discussing a research she discovered in an issue of American Psychologist. The research revealed that children’s development is most influenced by the social structure of peer interactions. The research later showed boys and girls tend to play with children of their own gender, and their sex-separate groups have different organizational structures and interactive

In the research done on “Sex Roles, Pink or Blue: Environmental Gender Stereotypes in the First Two Years of Life,” by Andree Pomerleau, Daniel Bolduc, Gerard Malcuit, and Louise Cossette at the University of Montreal stated that the physical environment of girls and boys will have an impact on the development of specific abilities and activities in children. In the research, three age groups were investigated and given types and colors of toys and have determined that boys prefer sports and large and small vehicles while girls had more dolls and fictional characters. The research proves that boys are more active and aggressive than girls. The research shows that as early as 18 months of age, children are already predisposed by sex stereotypes by their parents.

Love is undoubtedly one of the most frequently explored subjects in the literary world. Whether the focus is a confession of love, criticism of love, tale of love, or simply a tale about what love is, such literary pieces force readers to question the true meaning and value of love. Raymond Carver accomplishes this in his short story “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love.” As the unadorned setting and the personality of each character unfold, the reader realizes that Carver is making a grave comment on the existence of love. Carver utilizes strong contrast, imagery, and diction to ultimately suggest that love cannot be defined concretely and therefore cannot be defined in words, and because of this, it is better off unexplored.

Craig’s worries about his son’s actions being more feminine as a result of playing with feminine toys is not uncommon. Many parents may become worried if they start seeing their child being more interested in playing with toys designed for the opposite gender. A hypothesis can be drawn up by stating that if boys with typically female toys, then there would be an increase of femininity traits of passiveness.

The types of toys children play with can affect how they develop. Toys can help or hinder a child’s development in intelligence, social skills and personality. Certain characteristics may be genetically entwined in a human being, but some characteristics and behaviors can be learned, from parents, surroundings, and the toys with which a youngster plays. Elise Moore, author of “How Do Toys Aid Development”, stated “if play is the work of the child, toys are the child’s tools” (Moore, 2).

Carver found himself in a very dark place. Carver now suffered from alcoholism, many different drug addictions, and even depression as a result of his divorce. Although Carver’s life was looking down, he did not give up. Three years later, Carver decided to pull his life together. He attended many Alcoholics Anonymous meetings a decided to take up writing. Carver even got re-married. After finally getting his life back together, Carver decided to start writing again. This time in his life is the time that he created some of his most famous short-stories. The following are some of those stories: “What We Talk about When We Talk about Love”, “The Cathedral”, and “Elephant.” Carver’s second marriage, turn around with his alcoholism and drug addictions, and new writings are all included in what is known as Raymond Carver’s “second life.”(King)

The authors use toys as an example for gender specifying children as male or females. They did a study to see what kind of toys that toddlers had at home. They found that girls had more toys for parties, wedding, cooking, and motherhood. And boys had toys that helped them with automotive skills and building skills. They express how parents do this to show children what they want them to do when they get older. Parents buy children toys to set their gender types early so kids know what gender type they have at an early age.

In Raymond Carver’s story “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love,” there is a wide array of opinions concerning the true definition of love. I believe that the character with the most absurd idea of love is Mel. Mel is Terri’s second husband. He claims to only believe in spiritual love. In his past, Mel spent “five years in seminary.” This is obviously what he bases his idea upon. Mel declares that if he could go back in time, he would enjoy being a knight in armor to shield him from other people. This reveals to me that Mel is emotionally closed off and concealed from other people. Furthermore, as seen through his wife, Terri, Mel does not have the passion inside him that is necessary to experience love. The only love that Mel does experience is the love toward his children, but that is love in a different sense. Loving his children is a natural instinct. They are born into his care, and are made with his own blood. His love for them was not searched for. It just came to be when they were born. Mel’s relationship with Terri, or any other women that he may have encountered in the past is distant and indifferent as to who they are inside. Mel’s ideas toward love are

Toys play a major role in socializing young kinds into “appropriate” gender roles. The first obvious characteristic that separates toys for boys and toys for girls,

Love cannot be defined in one sentence or even a paragraph. Every human has his or her own definition of love because people usually define love based on their cultures, backgrounds, social classes, educations, and their societies. In this essay, the main point will be the different kinds of love that Carver illustrates in his story “What We Talk about When We Talk about Love.” In Carver’s story, there are some points that I can relate to my personal experience. There are a few characteristics and symbols in the story that are really important to understand in order to define what a real love is and find the intention thrown out the story. These characteristics includes, Mel, Terri and Ed and Terri’s relationship. Furthermore, symbols

Gender socialization often begins early once parents are shown the sex of their child; from then on, baby showers are planned according to gender “appropriate” colors, which are often pink for girls and blue for boys. Even differences in how children are spoke to can be picked up easily in Western cultures. Girls are called pretty and sweet, whereas boys are handsome and strong. Ultimately, the way children learn to identify with their gender culture is in part due to not only family and friends, media, schools, and religion, but also from the toys that may inexplicitly advertise gender expectations. Gender-typed toys may be bought for children as a way for parents to encourage and reinforce gender-appropriate behaviors. However, recent debates have engulfed toy manufacturers and major retailers, which has brought about changes in toy design and marketing in an effort to make reflect more realistic and gender neutral options.